To Whom It May Concern...

About a year ago I deleted my twitter account because I started to find myself wondering why I waste my time on there when half the shit I saw either made me shake my head or say, "I really don't give a fuck about this." But I was bored yesterday and decided to give it another try. My old name was taken so if you'd like to follow me again, just click @BellaFuego :)

Hi.

I've forgotten about blogger, I think most people have. Despite my last post saying that I'm not interested in joining tumblr... I ended up doing so. Click here to follow if you are on there too.

I did delete my twitter account though. It just became more annoying than entertaining so it was time to let it go. I felt like I was sitting in a high school cafeteria, listening to a bunch of people worry about who is doing what, making fun of people's clothes, gossiping... and I'm not interested in that so rather than sit there and listen, I got up and decided to eat my lunch in the hallway, basically. Which is funny because that's where I actually ate my lunch in high school. My best friend and I would sit in a corner, eat lunch, and talk about things in our own little world.

Anyway, a few updates for anyone who may pop in from time to time... I still work from home but I don't like it as much as I did when I first got the job. The whole "work from home" euphoria has worn off and I never thought I'd say this but I'd much rather get up and commute to an office (since I can't earn a paycheck by just sitting around being awesome all day). Because I am considered "self-employed" I don't get any health benefits, no paid days off, not even holiday pay or sick days. I'm looking for something better and will never work from home again unless it's to work for myself. My kids' father is still lame. He has his "good" moments, if that's what they can be called, but for the most part he's still an embarrassment to my ovaries. He just doesn't understand that there is a difference between "having kids" and "being a parent." I won't hold my breath for him to figure it out either. I am still with my boyfriend and love him dearly.

My kids are amazing, I am so proud of them and I love who they are becoming. I hope I am steering them in the right direction in life because I didn't have much guidance when I was growing up. My parents are wonderful and I believe they set the right examples for me to be a good person but... I just wonder sometimes, "Why didn't they ever warn me about this or that in life? Why didn't they ever prepare me for certain things?" The way I learned was by not knowing any better, which means I was naive so I got blindsided a lot. I know I can't prevent my kids from ever making a mistake or getting their feelings hurt but I hope I can equip them with enough knowledge to at least experience LESS mistakes and struggles than I did.

I gotta go but I may be back soon, even if nobody reads this anymore, because tumblr is more pictures, quotes, gifs, and links to articles occasionally... but it was nice to log in here and get some words out of myself. I need to get back to writing more often. Well, bye. :)

*taps mic*

Hello to the few people who are left in the deserted bloggerland. I guess tumblr is "the thing" now? I don't know anything about the shit myself. Don't care to take the time to figure it out either.

I don't really have shit to talk about, I'm just bored and twitter is "blah" to me. It's gone from fun and random to dry and predictable, for me anyway. Seems like the same topics get recycled, the same lingo gets passed around, the words "slander" and "thirst" get overused, abused, and misused. And apparently people would like you to consider what THEY think before you post any tweet, lest they label you "lonely" or state that #NobodyCares even though they took the time to acknowledge it. Everyone is trying so hard to be an asshole or comedian like it's "trendy." And I've never seen so many "straight men" take on the role of being Homo Referees in my life. Hey fellas, throw a flag at your damn self for being that concerned about what you THINK another man might be doing with his booty hole just because he said something "suspect" that wasn't even suspect until you twisted it that way in YOUR mind. Hmmm... but anyway...

I have quite a bit of "Nobody Cares" info to proudly share. :)

I recently quit my job to work from home. *throws confetti & twirls in it* Every week night since the day after Christmas, I have been getting up at 7am, taking the kids to school, working from 9am-6pm, then taking my online training class for my new job from 8pm-12am. Then doing some studying and training on the weekends. But I made it through! With the help of my love, gotta give him some credit. No way I could have survived this without his help and cooking and cleaning and making sure my kids were straight while I locked myself away in the room, stuck at my computer for hours every night. It is such a relief to be done, working from home, making my own schedule, and having more time to spend with my lil ones. I can even see the difference when I look in the mirror, like I have some more life in my eyes. I'm feeling most excellent.

In other news, my kids' father moved two blocks away from me about 2 weeks ago... BUT this is actually working out quite well. At first I was like o_O THE FUCK?? Because I never told him where I lived. Whenever he took them for a weekend or a day, I just met him somewhere or dropped them off at his place. Then I found out from the kids that when he picked them up from daycare one day, he drove past our street and they pointed and said "That's where our house is Daddy!" so that explains that. He said he wanted to be closer to them and see them more often, and he requested that I permanently change their after-school address to his house. So now the bus drops them off to him every day after school. He helps them with their homework and feeds them dinner before I pick them up. Last week, they weren't even home. Just stayed at his house every night. I don't know how sense got knocked into that man and I don't care. I am just happy that my kids don't have to deal with the bullshit and disappointment anymore. If they like it, I love it. It has been over a year since he's acted a fool so hopefully *crosses fingers* he is through with his "cause drama and havoc" phase. It only took more than 5 years -_- It's an awkward feeling when they're not here sometimes, but I get some much needed "me" time, so I ain't even mad. ;)

Speaking of "me" time, I decided to start drawing again. Drawing is some relaxing shit. I'm mad it took me damn near 15 years to re-discover my love for it. I haven't made any real effort to draw or do anything artistic since I was maybe 14 years old. This is my most recent work in progress...

I definitely wasn't drawing anything like this in 8th grade though. Anywaaay... I think I'm done typing for the night.

*yawn*

Be good, people. All two of you. :)

Satisfaction Guaranteed

There was a discussion on twitter yesterday about women "faking it" and I don't know how the topic got brought up but it got me to thinking...

WHY?

Why would a woman feel the need to fake an orgasm? I wish I would. No ma'am. If you are not being satisfied, do NOT pretend you are. I've never (knock on good wood) been in the position to call for faking so MAYBE I don't know what I'm talking about. Maybe women fake it for the sake of preserving the man's ego, I don't know... but fuck that. I would think that giving a man the impression that he is putting it on you, when in fact he is not, is only going to make it worse for the both of you. You get neglected while he gets his but he thinks he's "the man" because you faked it, so he's just going to keep doing what he does (poorly) while your vagina goes to sleep with an attitude :( And then when you stop dealing with him, he will do this to the next chick as well because he felt like it worked on you, look out for your fellow womankind and don't allow this to happen.

I know everyone has a different stance when it comes to sex. Some people don't mind casual sex, others do. Some people feel like a mutual attraction is enough of a reason to have sex. I personally can't get down like that because I'm not gambling with my sex. I just refuse. I like it too much and take it too serious to risk wasting it on wack penis. I will be PISSED off if I get all hype and aroused and then be stuck looking like "that's it?" Like, I will seriously have an attitude so it's just best if I make sure it will be an enjoyable experience in order to prevent shit from getting ugly. That is why I have a process...

I know this is 2010 and times have changed but, for me, there are certain things that need to be in alignment before I allow a man access to my love below. First of all, we need to establish a mutual respect, love, and friendship for one another. Because when it's all said and done, I want your penis and my vagina to love and respect each other and be like best friends as well. But there are a few more things that need to be evaluated before I determine if a man is...

Okay, we're cool. We respect each other. We love each other (not saying IN love, but there needs to be some type of love). But if that's all it takes in order to justify me giving up the drawls, I would have fucked every single one of my friends by now. So um, yeah. I need more to go on than that.

So the next thing I look at is the way he "threatens me" to build up my anticipation of having sex with him. I know "talk is cheap" but I like to talk shit and I need to know how a man talks his shit. There are certain things a man says that will TELL you (for the most part) if he knows what he's doing or not. For example, if you are having a conversation with someone about... oh let's say politics... and the depth of their convo consists of the same shit you hear on the news, they haven't done any research of their own. Same goes for sex. A man who lacks knowledge on the skills of eating pussy probably wouldn't think to say, "I'll lick you slow until you shake and your pussy throbs on my tongue while you cum." (more than likely, he has caused a woman to experience this before) A man who is just "talking shit" will say something like, "Yeah I'll eat that pussy for hours until you can't take it anymore." (more than likely, he HAS to lick at a pussy for forever because nothing has happened yet, and then she just tells him to stop... or fakes it, I guess) A man with ACTUAL skills won't need "hours" to have you backing up across the bed leaking. Okay, onto the next phase...

By this time, I want to fuck (yeah I'm vulgar, oh well), BUT I need to know what you're working with. So I give the yellow light. I want to feel how you touch me, how you kiss me, etc. before I let you handle my vagina. And I'm going to touch you back because I want to know what you're packing. What I'm going to say next may sound awful but I really don't care. If it doesn't feel like it's capable of damage, I don't want it and I won't accept it. I won't be rude about it but I'm just saying... it's not happening. Not that day or any other day. This is why I prefer we be friends first, so I can say, "I don't know what we're doing, we can't do this. We would be better keeping the friendship we have." Yeah, I already said I know that's awful but oh the hell well. If you don't want to be my friend because I won't fuck you, then fuck you :)

Okay, now if I like what I felt and saw... you can get the green light. But not right that moment. We'll have to call it a day (or night) and part ways, but I will arrange to see you the next day. I may be a tease but I have good intentions. Because I guarantee you that next day, all we can think about is the night before and how we are going to ravish each other, so when it finally goes down- it goes DOWN. And will continue to do so because: 1) the love, respect, and friendship was already established, and 2) the sex is great.

I like sex too much to get it sporadically. I'm fully capable of busting nuts all by my lonesome if need be. I'd rather go without a man in the equation altogether until I find the right person to enjoy it with. For some people, that may sound like I'm depriving myself but I feel like there are certain things that are worth my patience. And my vagina's well-being and happiness is one of them. After being with my kids' father for 6 years, when I left him, I went 7 consecutive months (damn that sounds like a jail sentence) without sex, until I met someone who captured my interest, and I applied the above "process." He satisfied all requirements, and we have been together ever since. So, going over half a year without penis in my life resulted in having frequent (and fabulous) sex with a man who loves and respects me, and is like my best friend, for over 4 years and counting... sounds like a win in my book.

If that's not what you're looking for at this time, cool. Everyone is different and I know that. This is just the best way I know of to reduce the risk of experiencing disappointing sex (or disappointing relationships). I have more to say but this is already longer than I intended so I'll just end it on that note.

Reality... Check Please!

Today I'd like to discuss separating emotion from logic. Some people are walking through life confused. Some people seem to think that "just fucking" someone is the equivalent to being in a relationship. And there are some people who confuse being in a relationship with being married.

MOST of these confused people are females. Not saying that men don't do it, but women are definitely more guilty of it due to our emotional nature, I believe. But let me break a few things down that I've seen/ learned over the years.

I would like to address the "fuck buddy" issue first. Okay... having sex and hanging out with a man occasionally doesn't mean he's your "boyfriend" or that you are his "girlfriend" nor are you entitled to any boyfriend/girlfriend treatment. A relationship only exists when BOTH parties involved have a mutual understanding that is indeed what they have. If you are allowing a man access to your lady parts, it is your responsibility to know what type of man you're dealing with and what you are willing to accept from him. If you are perfectly fine with it just being a sex thing, that's on you- just use protection please. But if you have allowed your emotions to get involved, you might (definitely) want to make sure he's on the same page.

If there is never an agreement reached that two people are in a relationship, it isn't a relationship- no matter how long it's been going on. So ladies, you don't have the right to:

1. question him regarding his whereabouts.
2. get mad at him for not answering his phone/ returning your calls in a timely manner.
3. accuse him of "cheating" on you.
4. be upset if he flirts (or even has sex) with  someone else.
5. expect him to care about your feelings if you find out about it.

These are just a few but you get my point. Don't just assume a role in a man's life, step away from your emotions and analyze the situation- know where you stand. Once you know that, it is up to you to sit down and be comfortable in that role, or walk away and find someone who gives a damn about your vagina AND your feelings. If you feel like a man is "playing you" and want to call him an asshole or whatever, ask yourself if you allowed it by continuing to deal with him disappointment after disappointment. If you did, then you need to point the finger at yourself- you're the asshole for accepting less than your worth when deep inside you knew better. Just because a man isn't ready to settle down, doesn't make him an asshole. Now if he lied to you or mislead you, then yes he's an asshole (unless he's done it more than once already- you should be on your toes at this point). But if you saw red flags and ignored them anyway, you are the one to blame. Most of the time, a female will get mad at a man for "doing them wrong" because their feelings are hurt, so instinctively, they just get upset. But perhaps she should pump her brakes and realize that the person she needs to be upset with, is herself.

If a female enables a man to be an "asshole" by constantly forgiving him or choosing to look past certain things, that's her fault. You can call him trifling or you can call yourself a fool, but which one makes more sense? Okay then. The bottom line is if you're not his "girlfriend" then don't expect much in terms of respect and common courtesy. You simply aren't entitled to those things if the main purpose you serve in his life is being a cozy place for him to put his dick from time to time.

I was going to address how some people in relationships tend to confuse it with the equivalent to a marriage, but seeing how long this post already is, I will just write a Part 2 next week (hopefully).

Welp...

I'm gonna come back to blogging from here until further notice.

At my other site, I was using a company to edit/design my blog and paying them $4.99/month for that "privilege" and when they went to automatically deduct the payment from my card in June, I forgot to put money on it so they just pretty much gave me the finger and reverted my page to blankness over the price of a five dollar footlong.

And then said that even if I start it back up again, I would be starting from scratch, so I lost my layout and my posts... ugh. And I seriously don't have the time nor patience to do all that shit over again right now. I still own my domain name and all that but I can only use their default templates which look like garbage to me, so no thanks, I can just do that from here so what's the point?

I hadn't even blogged since April anyway, haven't really been in a writing mood. Can't even say when I'll post from here again honestly but a few people asked me "what happened to your blog?" so I figured I'd post this in case anyone else was wondering.

Anyway... all is well and I'll try to post again soon :)

Moving Right Along

Yeah, I know yesterday I said "fuck everything that's gonna distract me." But this blog isn't a distraction, it's my happy place sometimes. It's like my e-baby, I can't neglect it lol. Plus I have about 20 minutes before I start my exercise :)

Sooo.... I have been blogging for over a year now, and even though I don't post nearly as often as I'd like to, I enjoy writing SO much. I've been writing since I was 12 years old. Little stories, poems, random things that come to mind. Well last year I finally started working on a book. I don't even have a chapter complete yet but I have been doing ALOT of thinking in the past 24 hours and have decided that even though my free time is limited, I am going to make more of a commitment to my book and my writing in general. I would LOVE, LOVE, LOVE to become published and be an actual writer some day. Whether I sell 5 copies or 50,000 copies, I don't care. (That's a lie, who wouldn't like to sell MORE of anything with their name on it? lol) But just the accomplishment would feel like success to me. Of course if a profit were to ever come into the equation, you won't hear me complain.

Well my hunny has been working on his website all week and it looks pretty damn nice I must say. He suggested that I get one and I was thinking "eh, for what? i already have a blog up and running." BUT... this is really blogger's blog. I'm just using it. Considering that and seeing how his site is coming together, I decided to buy a domain name tonight and will be moving my blog to my own site :) Now I feel a bit more "established" and motivated to crank this book out. Ahhh it will be most exhilerating! *prince akeem voice*

And since he has a degree in graphic design, he's gonna help me make it all fly and stuff. But I'm not going to post the URL until it looks like I didn't just move in that bitch. So stay tuned!!!