i miss...

writing poetry. on paper.

i used to write ALL the time. i have notebooks upon notebooks upon notebooks upon loose leaf papers upon random scribbled down thoughts.... just tucked away in my closet. i remember back when it was just me and my kids in my old apartment, after i tucked them in at night i'd go sit in the living room, listen to music, light some candles, zone out... then just write for hours.

i decided to read some of my old stuff... it's funny some of the things i wrote that i forgot about. interesting to see how i've grown...

"thanks"

your attempts to bring me down
only made me stronger
thank you for being a fraud
so i could recognize the real
thank you for making me numb
so i could learn how to feel
thank you for bringing me down
so i could pull myself together
thank you for raining on my picnic
so i could brave the weather
thank you for the manipulation
so i could learn to think for myself
thank you for crushing my soul
so i could nurse it back to health
thank you for the drama
so i could appreciate the silence
thank you for making me a momma
and goodbye violence.

or how i've remained the same...

"love of my life"

the moment we met
i felt it in my heart
we're in this til the end
nothing can keep us apart
and i know that's true
because i love you so much
i almost cry holding you
at the thought of losing your touch
you mean the world to me
your smile and your eyes...
when you look at me
and put your hand in mine
you make me forget my problems
and bring me to a happy place
even when we struggle
you put a smile on my face
anything you need
i won't rest until it's yours
i'll drop to my knees
and pray until they're sore
your happiness means more than my own
because you are my children
my flesh, my blood, my home.
my life.
i solemnly swear
to never neglect you
i'll always be here
to love and protect you.

amen.


every day.

diggin in the crates

sooo... it's been a while since i've written any poetry and i kinda miss it. i think i've only posted some of my shit on here like twice? well i felt the urge to dig into my many notebooks and share a few things i've written over the years. thanks to my sister for posting some of hers lol.

might as well just get right to it.

(no title)

sometimes it takes all i have
to get up and face the day
sometimes i give all i got
to make it seem like im okay
because inside me is a war
but im gonna fight it
get my mind right
conquer and divide it
im going to live life
not let it get the best of me
a focused mind and strong heart
are the secrets to my recipe
life is short
but the days are long
as my heart beats
to the struggle's song
i will stay on my feet
and keep marching on

"worth it"

there's some things i want to say
and some things i want to do
but i conceal these thoughts
in my mind away from you

im not ready for you to know
not prepared for you to see
i cant let it show
the effect you have on me

its ironic how i feel
because it feels so strong
and it feels so real
but it feels so wrong

its probably too soon
my body is relaxed
but my mind is consumed
i try to push back
this lust i feel for you

you have no idea
the things i want to do
right now, right here
you have no clue...

i just want to kiss you
and caress your face
and i just wish you
would hold onto my waist
and slowly rub my back
but if you did as i wish
i wont know how to act
i'll want more than a kiss
more than your hands
more than your lips
to explore the land
just below my hips
right above my thighs
i would break down
and let you come inside
i'd wrap my legs around you
and hold you close to me
you'd feel my love surround you
the way its supposed to be
i'd look you in the eyes
and tell you that its yours...

but it just isnt time
so my mind locked the doors
keeping those thoughts away
hidden for now
what i feel i cant say
but in time i'll show you how
we can go from friends
to becoming lovers
you'll see in the end
my love is like no other.

"beautiful confusion"

i never thought it would be
what it is right now
this thing between you and me
i just dont know how
but day by day
you changed in my eyes
and i must say
you changed me inside
my heart was solid
and my mind was strong
no visitors were wanted
but then you came along
and what you did i dont know
but now im holding you
and i dont want to let go
your head is on my chest
and your arms around me
feeling your caress
and your hand in mine
in the silence
feels so divine
as we drift off to sleep
i feel so at ease
i feel such peace
we are still
and my eyes close
the way i feel
only god knows

okay one last one... its old as hell but i'd like to post this for my sister ♥

you fed me so many lies
over the years
how many times i cried
i cant even count the tears
outside i would smile
and stand tall
but on the inside
i felt so weak and small
all the insults you threw to me
convinced me little by little
to actually believe your scrutiny
and go from solid to brittle
you broke me down
you tore me apart
you smashed my crown
and shattered my heart
until i couldnt take it any longer
but all you did
was just make me stronger
so say goodbye wife and goodbye kids
you have only yourself to blame
for all of this
to me its no loss, only a gain
no longer will i be
called out my name
or made the fool
im free of my pain
because i'm rid of you.

THE END

oh wait hold up © 2009 (i dont play about my shit lol)