I Can't Hang

i suck! i attempted to follow an exercise dvd that i ordered and couldnt even keep up with the lil gay fella. so sad.

"step, step, step, 1,2,3, tap, tap, tap... now point. and heel, toe, heel toe, step, step, step, okay now step, touch, step, touch..."

maaan... the fuck did you smoke for breakfast u lil hyper summabitch?

first of all im exercising in a tube top n some thongs like i dont own mad wifebeaters n booty shorts. fugg yall i had that tube top on under my peek-a-boo shirt today n i just took my jeans off like fuck it. okay anyway so my extra tall ass in a tube top tryina keep up with this fool. i got frustrated n confused. fuckin up the sequence. pausing, tryina pick up where i left off. lookin like a big ass doofus. i realized i needed to just sit my ass down somewhere when i literally yelled at him on my tv.

"what the fuck is you doin bitch?!!"
*turned the tv off and ate a brownie*

Fiesta, Fiesta!

i had no children this past weekend and my homie Ava Dior was in the A so we had to go out. i dont get out too often but when i do, i like to go to Opera on fridays. we went on a saturday tho, and i was a lil disappointed in the DJ, i wanted to throw an ice cube at his ass on more than one occasion. this fool played bow wow and ciara's song in the damn club... go home, ur fired.

(yeah i was feelin it)

but whatever, we didn't let that ruin our night. not too long after we got there, one of the bouncers tapped us and asked if we'd like to go upstairs and meet his "VIP friends" and drink for free the rest of the night. free drinks you say?


just lead the way sir.


so we get our wristbands and follow him up there into a "booth" overlooking the dancefloor. then he introduces us to the VIP guest who apparently wanted some company, Greg Oden from the Portland Trailblazers. and i feel bad for saying this but i will anyways cuz its obvious wether i point it out or not but he's uh "rather unattractive." the only thing keeping me from just straight callin him ugly is that he has good manners and also shared his liquor with us lol. which by the way, not a great idea to pour patron and grey goose into identical clear glass pitchers and sit them side by side n tell people to help themselves. made me a strong ass patron n orange juice, oops! lol so i guess me n patron are cool again. me and ava were sittin there like "he's gonna kick us out cuz we're not showing him any groupie love... oh well, we're just here for the drinks" lmao


didnt feel much like dancing. til they played some reggae (nooo, nooo, nooo u dont luuuuv meeee and iiii knoooow nowwww... oh sorry) mr. oden made me pinky swear to a dance, so i danced with him shortly, but he said he had a bad knee. he couldn't hang lol anyway so me n ava danced for a few minutes then went back downstairs. i guess we made some friends...




i dont remember takin this pic. but i do remember booty dancin up on ol' boy to the left and that chick next to him was his girl... i suppose? she came kissing him while we were dancing but i didnt notice til ava said something lol. oops. neither of us ladies are single but the point of going out is to enjoy yourself, so that's what we did. even tho i swear the deejay needs a t-shirt that says "DJ Fuck Up" on it... smh.
and i somehow managed to drive back home (drunk) better than i did driving to the club (sober)... which i still dont understand. love ya ava!!
and the rest of my night is detailed in my other blog, too x-rated for this one lol.
peace out! ♥

And The Award Goes To...

Twisted Elegance and Piink Cupcakez gave me a "Your Blog Rocks!" Award, thank you lovely ladies :)

I was instructed to keep the love flowin and nominate atleast 5 blogs for this award as well. So without further delay, here are my nominations (which will exceed 5 lol):

1. Imperfect Sense by Ava Dior- she put me on to this, without her i'd still be writing in my raggedy ass notebook and yall would have never hear a word from me lol (love ya!)

2. THE Karrie B. by karrie b- random, smart, funny as hell. how could you go wrong with that?

3. Amber Alert by Amber (duh)- she cracks me up, i feel distantly related to her lol.

4. Socialite's Life by Nina- she just keeps it real and uncut. loves it!

5. The Other Side of Phlyy- she is straight HILARIOUS.

6. Bombchell- In Atlanta- she always has fun pics! and her hair is fly too lol.

7. O Hell Nawl- straight up gotdamn ignorance all day every day, it don't get no better than that.

8. I Run Through Babymommas by William H.- he's funny and tells it like it is from a man's point of view. yeah bitches, believe it or not, life is not all about us.

9. Year of the R A E by J.Rae- she's a bad mutha-shut-yo-mouth. i love her energetic personality, she has an admirable i-dont-give-a-fuck-ness about herself lol.

10. ...yup, simone be talkin shit by simone_dior- never a dull moment. just recently started following her blog and i ♥ it.

And of course I'm throwing nominations right back at Twisted Elegance and Piink Cupcakez (still unclear if that's against the rules or not but oh well, they deserve it).

Now... go follow those blogs! (if you aren't already lol) and if you were nominated then here are the rules:

1.When you receive this award, show that you're happy to the giver.


2.Nominate at least 5 blogs, that you think rocks.


3.Let them know about award in their post.


4.Now blog like you've never blogged before

And thank you to all my readers/lurkers for comin thru:)

P.S. this was kinda tedious (for me atleast lol) so if you don't have the time or care to follow the rules then that is perfectly okay, i just wanted to show some love :)

Call The Coroner

cuz yo ass bout to be *dead*

i had to share this video posted on O Hell Nawl (one of my favorite places to be unproductive at work lol)



lil donatello aint EVEN playin with that sketcher!!

whoolawd, i just had to share this shit before i lay it down.

Foolish ♥

so me and my hunny are watching cage fighting together and we start talkin shit to eachother...

him: see that, that's how i'll do you rite there. just bust u in the forehead like PLOW!

me: uh-huh. go rite on ahead mufucka, i'll kick u in the liver, watch.

him: yeah rite. i hear ya talkin!

*we notice a mean left hook on tv*

OOOOHHH SHITT!! gooootttdaaayyyyuuummm!!

him: put yo ass in a headlock...

me: what? i aint NEVER scared.

him: put u to sleep. be in the papers like (insert my name here) was put to sleep by a headlock today. the alleged headlocker, (insert his name) had this to say...

*i cut him off*

me: "bitch left the kool aid jug empty again, shit..."

him: *bursts into teary laughter*

(i stay "forgetting" to make kool aid after i drink it all. but so does he! shit.)

now. im bout to go have me some confrontational sex :)

*smooches*

Baaallllliiiinnnn!!

so i was leaving the grocery store and happened to notice this fool's license plate.

"BADBOYY"

on a FORD FOCUS?? for real homie?

you get a F in stuntin, a big fat mother-F-in F!!!

Uh Oh Spaghettios!!

im on twitter now.

http://twitter.com/heffabella

yup. that's right. im a heffa.

holla!! :)