Sunday, May 31, 2009

(So I had started this post like a month ago but it stayed in "draft" status til now, I had to finish it first. I wrote it because I was happy to see I was up to 50 followers and wanted to share 50 personal things about myself. Even though I've passed 50 Followers since then *smooches* I'd still like to share. So here it goes...)

I'm up to 50 followers now, wow I'm kinda surprised there's 50 people interested in anything I have to say lol. When I first started my lil blog, I just wanted an outlet to express my thoughts. Thanks to each of you who clicked the "follow" tab for a bitch. I know 50 isn't alot per se, but it is to me because I take my writing serious. I just don't keep up on it like I should anymore (curse you twitter!) So since all I've been doing lately for the most part is posting funny videos, I'm gonna make this post a bit more personal and share 50 things about myself, walk through my brain with me :)

1. I was born with blond hair and blue eyes, then around 5 yrs old my hair started to get darker and my eyes turned green.

2. I have one older brother in the Navy. And I have a younger sister who I hardly ever speak to because her husband's family is apparently more important than her own.

3. I wore a dress last year on my birthday and it was the first time I had worn a dress in almost 10 years.

4. I'm a Daddy's girl. If something ever happened to him I would lose it.

5. When we were babies, my parents used to play catch with us. As in they would stand 5-6 feet apart from each other and throw us back and forth.

6. My parents divorced when I was around 5 years old so I don't have many (hardly any) memories of living in some "happily ever after" type of household.

7. Kids used to pick on me when I was younger because I was a tad pudgy, had poofy hair and my mom couldn't afford us very nice clothes.

8. I didn't get along with white kids very well for some reason. Probably because they were the only ones always talkin shit "is your comb broken? did your mom make that shirt? hahahaha" Yeah, hardy har har now bitches. And I'm not gonna throw in a "lol" cuz I mean that shit.

9. My mom really did make our clothes sometimes. She's nice on the sewing machine. And I love her for that.

10. My parents told us that I was the only one they actually planned to have and the other two were suprises. Makes me feel kinda awkward and special at the same time lol.

11. I went to 5 different elementary schools between Kindergarten and 6th grade because my mom moved so much. I remember two days of my 5 year old life that our home was the car. It's so crazy because I even remember the brown and orange knitted blanket that I covered up with and falling asleep in the back of a station wagon, hearing Phil Collins on the radio... "I can feel it comin in the air tonight... hold on..." like it was yesterday.

12. I still remember my phone # from when I was 6 years old (315) 437-5516

13. I used to be a lil bad ass, tearing up people's yards for no reason. Uprooting their flowers, kicking over lawn decorations, turning on their water hoses and unraveling them. I mean from house to house like a serial delinquent. And I still couldn't tell you why *hangs head in shame* lol.

14. I used to harass my mother's friends if they showed up to my birthday party without a present. Next time I saw them I'd be like "So did you remember my present this time?" and I mean every single time. Til one day my mom heard me and cursed me out, whoops. Shit I didn't know that was rude lol I was just a kid and I wanted my present damn it.

15. I used to correct grown folks.

Grown Folk: "Why don't you go sit down in that chair?"

Me: "Actually, that's NOT a chair. It is a bean bag chair."

It got to the point where my mom's friend stared calling me "Miss Correct-All" because I jumped on everything.

16. When I was 10 years old, I thought I got my period because I did #2 in Popeye's bathroom and the walls were red and the lights were low, optical illusion like a mufucka okay? So I told my mom I got my period, she bought me pads, called all her friends and everything. I told one of my friends, who went and told a bitch who told a bitch... til everyone knew. And it was one more thing for people to pick on me about (for some reason), only to find out it was a false alarm...smh.

17. That same year I got my first lil boyfriend, kinda popular, lived across the street from me. I remember his parents had a party that weekend and my family was there. His mom and my mom were talking til late at night and he fell asleep on the couch with his headphones on. Even at 10 years old I had the instinct to turn his music off, remove the headphones, cover him up, and smooch him on the forehead. I was all happy I had me a boyfriend lol. Til three days later he called me and said he was breaking up with me to go out with my prettier friend. And the next day in school she was like "I'm really sorry..." I just cut her off and said "It's okay, friends are more important than boys." I was the realest 4th grader alive lol.

18. My first crush was in the 2nd grade and I still remember his name. O'dell Graves. I should look him up on facebook... ha! Yeah right.

19. When I was a little girl I used to want to be a ballerina... and an English teacher. Weird.

20. I was NOT allowed to waste food. Even if I had to sit at the table for 2 hours staring at lima beans... oh they made me eat them bitches one way or another. One night my Dad sat at the table singing "Just eat it!" to me (Before Weird Al Yankovich even remade "Just Beat it." by the way lol)

21. I acquired a taste for Kalhua at 12 years old. I used to sneak and put it in my milk sometimes.

22. When I lived with my mom in the suburbs, I was an outcast. When I went to school in the city after moving in with my Dad, I became popular. Hmm... wonder if that had anything to do with moving away from all the stuck up Ambercrombie & Fitch bitches...

23. I got kicked out of high school in 10th grade and sent to "the bad kids school" V.I.N.T.A. which stood for Violence Is Not The Answer... smh. Easiest credits I ever earned. It was only from 9am to 1pm... that was punishment? And it doesn't even show up on my record? Shit, thank you.

24. My first job was at a laser tag place/arcade. I used to help myself to pizza and birthday cake while the party was in the back playing lol. We also used to smoke weed in the breakroom with the assistant manager & sneak in vodka and sprite in Taco Bell cups. And we used the breakroom wall to write shit about eachother in permanent marker. I used to write shit like "I saw (so and so) in the food court wearin a lime green sequin bodysuit doin the humpty hump talkin bout 'i shot the sheriff!'" Then they would write their rebuttal, ahhh good times... good times.

25. I spent my first paycheck from my first job in less than 3 hours, then asked my Dad for lunch money the next day. He told me I should've thought about that before I went shopping and spent all my money. I learned how to budget at 16 lol.

26. When I was 17 I ran into two bitches at the mall who used to make fun of me when I was 10... they didn't recognize me. Oh-ho-ho but I recognized them! And made sure to go up to them with the only "Jessica? Amber?" then watch the puzzled look on their face when I said "It's me (insert government name here)." The look on their face was more gratifying than any sarcastic thing I could have even said. I just hit them back with a big smile, an extra cheerful "Well it was nice seeing you, take care!" flipped my hair and walked away :D

27. I moved out of home when I was 17, before I even graduated high school. Roommated with a friend, thought I was grown as hell lol. Been living on my own ever since.

28. My father's second wife (of 10 years) suffered from chronic depression and committed suicide in the mall by jumping 4 stories from the movie theater level and landed next to children waiting in line to see the Easter Bunny, it even made national news. That was the worst day of my life.

29. My mother wrote a beautiful poem about my stepmother and read it at her funeral, my mom is the REALEST.

30. When I was 18 I worked 3 jobs. Clerical work Monday thru Friday from 12pm-4pm, then off to a News Stand in the mall food court from 4:30-10pm, and then worked at Victoria's Secret on the weekends. And I didn't even have to, I just wanted to.

31. I had my first child when I was 20, my second at 22 and my third at 23.

32. I didn't know I was pregnant with my second child until I was 20 weeks. Mother Nature is a tricky bitch boy I tell ya.

33. My kids' father AKA B.D. put me through alot of shit. He was abusive, possessive and controlling. He even called the train station one night to confirm that a train wasn't running and that's why I was late getting home from work. Like my word wasn't good enough.

34. One night he left me and our daughter at the ER when she had the flu and a fever of 104.1 and we had to take a cab home. The next day he still wasn't home so I had to put her in the stroller and walk in the freezing cold and wind down the side of a busy street with no sidewalks (while I was pregnant) just to go get her prescriptions. I bought her a stuffed unicorn that day, when I couldn't really afford to, just because I loved the smile it put on her sick little face. Then when he finally showed up at home around 2pm, he had spent all of our rent money partying with his boys. She still has that unicorn and it reminds me of that day every time I see it.

35. I'm not going to talk about him anymore. I prefer to have amnesia regarding that chunk of my life.

36. I sold weed for a little while when I was 16... and worked a regular job. I don't know what I was thinking.

37. Every friend I have ever made and considered a real friend, is still in my life. We may not talk often, but no love is lost. We can go months without talking but when we do, it's just like old times. I treat my friends like they're my sisters.

38. I will do anything for anyone that I'm capable of. If I don't have the answer or solution myself, I will find a way.

39. I'm probably one of the most trustworthy people you will ever meet. I can sit here with a clear conscience when I say: I have never betrayed anyone. EVER.

40. I'm VERY good at reading people.

41. I worked in the auto insurance field for four years. Investigating accidents, statements, evidence, tracking down hit and run drivers etc... Combine that with all the Law & Order and CSI episodes I've seen and I make a damn good detective lol. If you can get one over on me, congratulations.

42. I write poetry. I will share some on here from time to time starting in the near future.

43. I'm also working on a book. I don't have a set date as to when I'd like to have it finished. I just add to the last thing I wrote whenever the mood strikes me. I think I need to focus on it a little more :-/

44. I'm not a very religious person but I have my children say this every night before bed: "We pray for love, health, happiness, and success for our family and friends, amen." I think if anything, those are the four things you should wish upon your loved ones, no matter what you do or do not believe in.

45. I also teach my daughter a new word every night after I tuck her in. And tell her what it means. If I forget to, she will remind me lol.

46. If I have a really bad day, I go into my kids' rooms and watch them sleep. It always makes me forget whatever is bothering me.

47. I appreciate my man. He isn't perfect, but who is? Shit I know I'm not lol. He has disappointed me in the past but when I notice the changes he's made over the years, it makes me feel good that I'm worth the effort. I never had that before.

48. I take life one day at a time. I do my best not to worry or stress over things out of my control. Because when you do that, and nothing bad happens, you have worried for nothing. And if something does happen, well you just end up having to worry twice.

49. Like I said, I'm not a very religious person but I've recently started praying at night. I just want to clear the burdens of the day off my soul, put that energy out there and lay down with a clear mind. No matter what's going on in life, I always feel blessed to have made it through another day. And I don't want go to sleep ungrateful for that by worrying about things that I know will be okay in due time anyway, especially knowing there are people with problems worse than mine.

50. My favorite quote is: "Life is what you make it." because it's the truth. Alot of times people (myself included) don't even realize that they are standing in their own way. Gotta work on that one.

Okay all done, I just wanted to give my followers/lurkers some history and personal info about myself for once.

P.S. If you actually read 1-50 all the way through, thank you :) I know that was a whooole lot of shit lol.


miss jae said...

I hella loved this...Being REAL is what alot of ppl lack, and you seem be one of the REALIEST!!

Faith Elizabeth said...

I did! #48 is my favorite, cause I know I'm a worry-wart (gay word) and I stay jumpin to conclusions. My chest is constricted half the time for no reason! But I'm working on it & that's the important thing. Love ya Bella!

?? said...

so candid and really vivid thank you for sharing.

Bella said...

@yours truly: aw i'm glad you liked and thank u so much! :)

@faith elizabeth: lol @ gay word. yeah sometimes we let our mind get the best of us. its a shame how our brain can be our own worst enemy at times. just gotta take a deep breath and re-group :) love u too mama!

@??: no, thank YOU for reading! lol

Unknown said...

wow mama, i knew i loved u right off the bat for some reason...we have a shitload of life in common. i gravitate towards your realness because like me, you are real AND intelligent. I know a lot of real people that are pretty dumb, so what is "real" to them...really just comes off ignorant. thanks for sharing luv =)

Anonymous said...

Girl, you are an inspiration. The things you're doing and the wisdom you've accumulated in your life makes me re-evaluate my own and focus on what I could be doing. I know I'm wasting my life (work to home - home to work) and I'm wasting my talents. I'll say again, you are an inspiration. *Nita*

Monique said...

Bella, I think this was a great post. It really gave some insight to into "you". I know who your ass is on Twitter (your Twitter Groupie. J/K) but you're still one of the coolest ever. Thanks for sharing a bit of you. *smooches, hugs and that mushy shit*

Bella said...

@ReRe: aww thank u mama! yes we do click and i appreciate u sending me that pear on twitter one day when i was hungry as hell lmao! *smooches*

@Anonymous aka Nita: wow, thank you so much. i really appreciate ur words :) and i hope u do make the steps necessary to live ur life to the fullest. because once u commit to that, it feels like a weight is lifted off ur shoulders :) and thank u again!

@insatiable: awwww :) thank u so much! yall makin me feel all good today n shit lmao *buncha mushy stuff rite back at you* lol see u on twitter dahling! :D

MrsNumbles said...

Thanks for posting this link on Twitter, I'm glad I got a chance to read it. Seriously, it takes a lot to put up such personal information, and then invite others to pick through it.

And it just confirms the fact that if I lived around your way, we'd be hanging out. *MWAH*

Youz be one of my favorite online peoples. ;o)

Lina said...

Hmmm...this is really interesting. By that I mean, those with the most character, with the highest regard for humanity, have had to struggle the most. I admire you for putting this out there. Plus, I just admire the person you are.

Bella said...

@Sherri: awwww thank u mucho! i decided to let ppl know a little about the other side of me, cuz i AM crazy as hell (this i know lol) but i also wanted ppl to know there's more than meets the eye. TRANSFORMERS!! oh shit there i go i cant even help it lmao okay let me stop... youz be one of my favorite online peoples too! u already know that :) love ya!

@lina: that was sooo nice of you to say, i really appreciate that. awww thank you, you're the best :D mwuah!

Some WeirD Shit said...

way to keep it real

Epitome said...

Kudos to you for this. It's hard for people to admit stuff about themselves to people they know much less people they've never met. Thank you for sharing

Bella said...

@some weirD shit: thanks :)

@epitome: thank u girl. u know whats weird i never knew what i was gonna say next after i finished typing each number... i just started remembering shit as i went along. it was like a blind stroll down memory lane lol

Milly said...

I loved this post! I liked that you kept it real al the way throughout...thats rare these days

And I'm with you on #3, I just recently started wearing dresses and I'm 23 lol

Bella said...

@milly: thank u girl! i have since worn more dresses and have taken a liking to it lol. i just used to be self conscious about my legs cuz i feel like i dont have any calf muscles n my legs were pale. but stilletos and bronzer (and the tanning bed) are my friends now lol

kit von b. said...

okay im upset.

bella, i swear on everything i love i commented last night.

i commented about your lil bad ass drinkin some alchol ass liqour at 12 yrs old

i commented about how dope your relationship is with your daughter

i commented on my "friends over boyfriends" attitude

UGH wtf?!?!?!

anywhoo, i said it last night and i'll say it again, i feel like i got to know you a little better. it's always nice to see ppl you interact with everyday open up like this, you know?

nilla wafer.



kit von b. said...

bella, imma fightchu. all in your face. you didnt approve my comment :-(

ms myndi said...

love this post bella. your a beautiful woman inside & out! & surprisingly or not, my past is ALOT *i stress ALOT* like yours. i pretty much grew up the same way & was able 2 laugh in the face of the ones who hurt me along the way.
i really enjoyed reading this post & getting to know you better! =]

Bella said...

@karrie baby u know i would never disapprove yo comments! it HAS to be a glitch in the matrix :( same thing happened when gem n minista left me comments. damn blogger bein skitzophrenic n shit. ugh! wonder how many other comments i missed :( but um *giggle* yeah that kalhua thing... my mom shoulda never let me taste hers its her fault lol. glad u got to know me a lil better tho :) love ya!

Bella said...

@msmyndi awwww thanks! it feels so good to see foul ppl from ur past n just let ur presence speak for itself. like *sings* take a look at me nowwww... lmao revenge of the nerds!! hahahahaha *mwuah!*

Krissy said...

This does make you a little more personable. Actually this and your last blog did for me. I could never tap into who you REALLY were before and no I can. So like everyone I enjoyed this and thanks for posting it.

Bella said...

@krissy: thank you! :) i USED to be a bit more personable when i first started blogging. if ur ever bored check out my archives lol i just dont have the same amount of free time on my hands anymore (aka twitter is crack) to blog like i want to but im gonna work on that lol

Krissy said...

You should Bella. I think people really like to "know" the bloggers they follow. I think it makes it seem less "crazy" for reading something someone writes about themselves that they don't know lol

Bella said...

i know rite? LOL

Unknown said...

That's quite an impressive list, mija. I'm damn glad to have read it and I thank you for sharing it. I really like that you teach your daughter a word a day. Keep it up, she'll have an extensive glossary by the time she leaves the nest.

Bella said...

@wolfie: wow i havent heard "mija" in forever! since back home in NY with my PR friends lol they dont say that down south AT ALL. im glad u liked it :) im kinda shocked at everyone's responses. like i was just sitting there thinkin about my life n typing as i went along... i really had no clue it would be appreciated like this, thanks for taking the time to read it all :)

*rubs el guapo n exits stage left*

Anonymous said...

i went back and read from the very first post and i LUV THE BLOG...keep em coming! I even read the "Sexy Blog", go head sistah! Keep doin ur thang and stay REAL Mama!!

Bella said...

@virgostar16: wow you went back that far AND read the sexy blog too? thats whats up! thank u, i know that took a while lol i really appreciate the love :)

Gem said...

2. I would love to know more about that situation. What happened?

5. This has me cackling for some reason.

16. "optical illusion like a mufucka okay?" Meet me out back. We fightin'.

21. *DEAD* at "acquired a taste" for Kahlua and slipping it into milk. I can't.

23. Why did they kick you out?

24. BWAHAHAHA I swear you are so funny, Bella!

26. "Oh-ho-ho but I recognized them!" *tumbles down a hill, dead* But I KNOW how that feels girl. Feels SO good when you don't even have to be stank to make bitches choke on their previously spoken it.

28-29. WOW, Bella. WOW. How old were you at the time?

43. Fiction or non-fiction?

45-46. That is beautiful.

Bella, you know I have madddd love for you. I admire you greatly; you are a real-life superwoman. Gorgeous, zexy, funny, ignant, loyal, determined, is rare to find someone so "together" like you. You have a LOT on your plate and you don't let it get cold nor do you nom the whole thing at once (food analogies hahaha). Thank you for sharing this.

Bella said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
yours truly said...

been lurking from time to time here and it's my first post on this blog you have but it was a beautiful one. (yeah i read all 50 and no lie: i laughed out real loud at 16. had me cracking up over here). i think what's so cool about your whole persona is how complex but real your life has been. it shows a lot in your posts and it's refreshing. congrats on all the progress you've had in your life hun. you got yourself another follower. :)

Bella said...

@your truly: awww *cheese* thank u darling! welcome to bella land! lol hopefully i will keep up w/ this blog a lil better :)

Anonymous said...

Yo! I picked a perfect time to peep your blog... this is an awesome list.

This right here... "I mean from house to house like a serial delinquent" made me laugh HARD. That shit's funny. I saw it play out in my mind...

Bella said...

lmao thank u :) idk what was wrong with me runnin around fuckin shit up like stanley ipkus in the mask lol

thanks for comin thru! :)

Gem said...

5. NAWL, I meant 5, heffa! I was laughing that your parents threw y'all back and forth!

43. YAAASSSS, please do e-mail, I would love to read it!

Nikki said...

Very interesting. Real is like good shoes. Hard to find, If you don't mind,. I would like to read on. :o)


Spinster said...

Just discovered your blog on OHN. Nice and candid post.

P.S. Are you still in the 315? (You don't have to answer exactly where you are, just curious.)

Bella said...

hey, welcome! and thank you :)

but nah i havent been in the 315 for almost 9 yrs, im in ATL now.