Friday, December 10, 2010
Why would a woman feel the need to fake an orgasm? I wish I would. No ma'am. If you are not being satisfied, do NOT pretend you are. I've never (knock on good wood) been in the position to call for faking so MAYBE I don't know what I'm talking about. Maybe women fake it for the sake of preserving the man's ego, I don't know... but fuck that. I would think that giving a man the impression that he is putting it on you, when in fact he is not, is only going to make it worse for the both of you. You get neglected while he gets his but he thinks he's "the man" because you faked it, so he's just going to keep doing what he does (poorly) while your vagina goes to sleep with an attitude :( And then when you stop dealing with him, he will do this to the next chick as well because he felt like it worked on you, look out for your fellow womankind and don't allow this to happen.
I know everyone has a different stance when it comes to sex. Some people don't mind casual sex, others do. Some people feel like a mutual attraction is enough of a reason to have sex. I personally can't get down like that because I'm not gambling with my sex. I just refuse. I like it too much and take it too serious to risk wasting it on wack penis. I will be PISSED off if I get all hype and aroused and then be stuck looking like "that's it?" Like, I will seriously have an attitude so it's just best if I make sure it will be an enjoyable experience in order to prevent shit from getting ugly. That is why I have a process...
I know this is 2010 and times have changed but, for me, there are certain things that need to be in alignment before I allow a man access to my love below. First of all, we need to establish a mutual respect, love, and friendship for one another. Because when it's all said and done, I want your penis and my vagina to love and respect each other and be like best friends as well. But there are a few more things that need to be evaluated before I determine if a man is...
Okay, we're cool. We respect each other. We love each other (not saying IN love, but there needs to be some type of love). But if that's all it takes in order to justify me giving up the drawls, I would have fucked every single one of my friends by now. So um, yeah. I need more to go on than that.
So the next thing I look at is the way he "threatens me" to build up my anticipation of having sex with him. I know "talk is cheap" but I like to talk shit and I need to know how a man talks his shit. There are certain things a man says that will TELL you (for the most part) if he knows what he's doing or not. For example, if you are having a conversation with someone about... oh let's say politics... and the depth of their convo consists of the same shit you hear on the news, they haven't done any research of their own. Same goes for sex. A man who lacks knowledge on the skills of eating pussy probably wouldn't think to say, "I'll lick you slow until you shake and your pussy throbs on my tongue while you cum." (more than likely, he has caused a woman to experience this before) A man who is just "talking shit" will say something like, "Yeah I'll eat that pussy for hours until you can't take it anymore." (more than likely, he HAS to lick at a pussy for forever because nothing has happened yet, and then she just tells him to stop... or fakes it, I guess) A man with ACTUAL skills won't need "hours" to have you backing up across the bed leaking. Okay, onto the next phase...
By this time, I want to fuck (yeah I'm vulgar, oh well), BUT I need to know what you're working with. So I give the yellow light. I want to feel how you touch me, how you kiss me, etc. before I let you handle my vagina. And I'm going to touch you back because I want to know what you're packing. What I'm going to say next may sound awful but I really don't care. If it doesn't feel like it's capable of damage, I don't want it and I won't accept it. I won't be rude about it but I'm just saying... it's not happening. Not that day or any other day. This is why I prefer we be friends first, so I can say, "I don't know what we're doing, we can't do this. We would be better keeping the friendship we have." Yeah, I already said I know that's awful but oh the hell well. If you don't want to be my friend because I won't fuck you, then fuck you :)
Okay, now if I like what I felt and saw... you can get the green light. But not right that moment. We'll have to call it a day (or night) and part ways, but I will arrange to see you the next day. I may be a tease but I have good intentions. Because I guarantee you that next day, all we can think about is the night before and how we are going to ravish each other, so when it finally goes down- it goes DOWN. And will continue to do so because: 1) the love, respect, and friendship was already established, and 2) the sex is great.
I like sex too much to get it sporadically. I'm fully capable of busting nuts all by my lonesome if need be. I'd rather go without a man in the equation altogether until I find the right person to enjoy it with. For some people, that may sound like I'm depriving myself but I feel like there are certain things that are worth my patience. And my vagina's well-being and happiness is one of them. After being with my kids' father for 6 years, when I left him, I went 7 consecutive months (damn that sounds like a jail sentence) without sex, until I met someone who captured my interest, and I applied the above "process." He satisfied all requirements, and we have been together ever since. So, going over half a year without penis in my life resulted in having frequent (and fabulous) sex with a man who loves and respects me, and is like my best friend, for over 4 years and counting... sounds like a win in my book.
If that's not what you're looking for at this time, cool. Everyone is different and I know that. This is just the best way I know of to reduce the risk of experiencing disappointing sex (or disappointing relationships). I have more to say but this is already longer than I intended so I'll just end it on that note.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
MOST of these confused people are females. Not saying that men don't do it, but women are definitely more guilty of it due to our emotional nature, I believe. But let me break a few things down that I've seen/ learned over the years.
I would like to address the "fuck buddy" issue first. Okay... having sex and hanging out with a man occasionally doesn't mean he's your "boyfriend" or that you are his "girlfriend" nor are you entitled to any boyfriend/girlfriend treatment. A relationship only exists when BOTH parties involved have a mutual understanding that is indeed what they have. If you are allowing a man access to your lady parts, it is your responsibility to know what type of man you're dealing with and what you are willing to accept from him. If you are perfectly fine with it just being a sex thing, that's on you- just use protection please. But if you have allowed your emotions to get involved, you might (definitely) want to make sure he's on the same page.
If there is never an agreement reached that two people are in a relationship, it isn't a relationship- no matter how long it's been going on. So ladies, you don't have the right to:
1. question him regarding his whereabouts.
2. get mad at him for not answering his phone/ returning your calls in a timely manner.
3. accuse him of "cheating" on you.
4. be upset if he flirts (or even has sex) with someone else.
5. expect him to care about your feelings if you find out about it.
These are just a few but you get my point. Don't just assume a role in a man's life, step away from your emotions and analyze the situation- know where you stand. Once you know that, it is up to you to sit down and be comfortable in that role, or walk away and find someone who gives a damn about your vagina AND your feelings. If you feel like a man is "playing you" and want to call him an asshole or whatever, ask yourself if you allowed it by continuing to deal with him disappointment after disappointment. If you did, then you need to point the finger at yourself- you're the asshole for accepting less than your worth when deep inside you knew better. Just because a man isn't ready to settle down, doesn't make him an asshole. Now if he lied to you or mislead you, then yes he's an asshole (unless he's done it more than once already- you should be on your toes at this point). But if you saw red flags and ignored them anyway, you are the one to blame. Most of the time, a female will get mad at a man for "doing them wrong" because their feelings are hurt, so instinctively, they just get upset. But perhaps she should pump her brakes and realize that the person she needs to be upset with, is herself.
If a female enables a man to be an "asshole" by constantly forgiving him or choosing to look past certain things, that's her fault. You can call him trifling or you can call yourself a fool, but which one makes more sense? Okay then. The bottom line is if you're not his "girlfriend" then don't expect much in terms of respect and common courtesy. You simply aren't entitled to those things if the main purpose you serve in his life is being a cozy place for him to put his dick from time to time.
I was going to address how some people in relationships tend to confuse it with the equivalent to a marriage, but seeing how long this post already is, I will just write a Part 2 next week (hopefully).
Thursday, July 29, 2010
At my other site, I was using a company to edit/design my blog and paying them $4.99/month for that "privilege" and when they went to automatically deduct the payment from my card in June, I forgot to put money on it so they just pretty much gave me the finger and reverted my page to blankness over the price of a five dollar footlong.
And then said that even if I start it back up again, I would be starting from scratch, so I lost my layout and my posts... ugh. And I seriously don't have the time nor patience to do all that shit over again right now. I still own my domain name and all that but I can only use their default templates which look like garbage to me, so no thanks, I can just do that from here so what's the point?
I hadn't even blogged since April anyway, haven't really been in a writing mood. Can't even say when I'll post from here again honestly but a few people asked me "what happened to your blog?" so I figured I'd post this in case anyone else was wondering.
Anyway... all is well and I'll try to post again soon :)
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Sooo.... I have been blogging for over a year now, and even though I don't post nearly as often as I'd like to, I enjoy writing SO much. I've been writing since I was 12 years old. Little stories, poems, random things that come to mind. Well last year I finally started working on a book. I don't even have a chapter complete yet but I have been doing ALOT of thinking in the past 24 hours and have decided that even though my free time is limited, I am going to make more of a commitment to my book and my writing in general. I would LOVE, LOVE, LOVE to become published and be an actual writer some day. Whether I sell 5 copies or 50,000 copies, I don't care. (That's a lie, who wouldn't like to sell MORE of anything with their name on it? lol) But just the accomplishment would feel like success to me. Of course if a profit were to ever come into the equation, you won't hear me complain.
Well my hunny has been working on his website all week and it looks pretty damn nice I must say. He suggested that I get one and I was thinking "eh, for what? i already have a blog up and running." BUT... this is really blogger's blog. I'm just using it. Considering that and seeing how his site is coming together, I decided to buy a domain name tonight and will be moving my blog to my own site :) Now I feel a bit more "established" and motivated to crank this book out. Ahhh it will be most exhilerating! *prince akeem voice*
And since he has a degree in graphic design, he's gonna help me make it all fly and stuff. But I'm not going to post the URL until it looks like I didn't just move in that bitch. So stay tuned!!!
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
2nd: "30 Days ON" <------------ my new "program." I made the shit up like, 10 minutes ago. If you are currently frustrated about a situation: tackle that muthafucka, push its face in the dirt, run an interception, spike a touchdown and do yo dance on hoes. Because um... that's what I'm about to do. For the next 30 days... I will be minimizing all distractions, I'm only making time for success-oriented activities. I don't give a fuck if a Law & Order SVU Marathon is on, I will walk away and search jobs online instead. Fuck twitter. Fuck facebook. Fuck people wasting my time. Just fuck anything that isn't necessary.
3rd: That's about it. Feel free to join me in my "fuck everything for 30 days" plan.
(I also plan to clean up my potty mouth during this time.)
Tis all, love yall :)
Friday, April 9, 2010
I came home from school, sat on the couch and played some Tekken 3 with my sister. About an hour later my father walked in the door.........
His eyes were bloodshot and puffy and his face was red, he had the most defeated look on his face and I knew something was wrong.
"Sandy.... is gone." he said.
We stood up and asked him, "Gone? What do you mean gone?"
He burst into tears and said, "She's dead, she's dead."
My sister and I cried in a panic, "No! What do you mean? How? What?!"
Then my stepbrother, her son, came out of his room in a daze. "What did you just say?"
My father turned to him, "Oh I'm so sorry I didn't know you were home already. She..... she killed herself."
It seemed like we all crumbled to the floor at the same time. My father, staring into space. My sister crying. I grabbed the closest thing to me (a bandana) and ripped it in half screaming "Why! Why did she do that?! No, no, no... she didn't do that!" My stepbrother punched the wall, then slid down it, shaking his back and forth over and over. Everyone in disbelief.
I can't imagine how hard it was for my father to tell us that his wife just committed suicide... at the mall. She landed 60 feet below the movie theaters.... 20 feet away from children waiting in line to see the Easter Bunny. The same mall my brother was at buying sneakers with his girlfriend when it happened, but he didn't know it was her.
My father paged him, he called back from a payphone inside the mall. My Dad asked him where he was.
"Carousel Mall with Tanya, I was in Foot Locker and they said some lady just killed herself here a little while ago, isn't that crazy?"
My father (not wanting to tell him over the phone, especially where he was): "Yes, can you guys come home? I have to tell you something important but I need to tell you in person."
The phone rings again and I answered it.
It was one of her best friends, I guess we sounded alike on the phone. I said "No.... this isn't..." and just started sobbing as I told her what happened. I think she dropped the phone. I could hear her screaming, "NO! NO! It's not true! NO! NO! NO!" and her husband yelling "What's wrong? What happened!" Then he picked up the phone and said "Who is this?!" And I had to explain to HIM too. She wasn't able to get back on the phone after that.
That was the hardest day of my life. Before then, I had no experience in dealing with death or losing a loved one. It was on the local news and even mentioned in national news briefly. My father dropped her off at work that day, but she never went inside the building- just walked towards it so he would think she did. Apparently she then got on a bus, went to the mall, took some money out of the ATM, watched Titanic... then climbed over the rail on the movie level and ended her life. The police report was so eerie because the security guard said that he saw her as he was coming up the escalator and he yelled for her to stay where she was. She turned around, looked him in the face, then turned her back and spread her arms open as she calmly fell forward. I remember the first time she saw Titanic, she told my father, "I love that movie so much, I have to see it atleast 5 times before I die." This was months earlier, and prior to the day of her suicide, she had seen it 4 times already. It makes me wonder.... and it creeps me out because she held her arms open just like Kate Winslet when she was standing on the rail of the ship. I will never look at that movie the same again, and til this day refuse to walk through that courtyard at the mall.
Three weeks after her suicide, a young teenage boy copied her and did the same thing. The mall had to increase security guards around the center rails, it was just crazy.
My stepmother never left a note, we still don't know why she took herself from us and everyone who loved her. She was a manic-depressant and some days she would hide in bed with the lights off and call out of work. She hated her boss, he was so condescending and rude to her. She would tell him good morning and he'd walk past like he didn't even hear her. My father called him to let him know what happened and added, "If you step foot near her funeral I will fucking kill you." and the asshole had the nerve to call the cops on my Dad, the day after his wife kills herself, and say he wants to charge him with harrassment. SMH.... The police disagreed though, but the audacity of that man, ugh. It sucks that conditions at work caused her to spiral downwards like that, when she had so many people outside of her job who loved her. I know she was taking medication for a chemical imbalance, but we had no idea she felt THAT lost inside.
She was so sweet, she would spark a friendly conversation with anyone. She was even friends with my mother, I have never known an ex-wife and the new wife to actually bond and do brunch. Even celebrate Mother's Day together. I guess that makes them both remarkable women. My mother even wrote her a poem and recited it at her funeral. I am fortunate to have been influenced by two amazing women growing up. She was married to my father for 10 years, and I was 17 when she died, so she was family to me. I remember once a few months before she died, she took me to a rose garden and asked me, "Aren't the flowers pretty?" I said, "I don't know, I don't care about flowers." and she said, "What? Every woman should love flowers." So for her funeral I wore a dress with flowers on it for the first time since I was a little girl. And now I always make sure to admire them, and think of her when I do.
My father flew out to California and scattered her ashes into the ocean from her favorite place to watch the sunset, he wanted her to be remembered as a free spirit, resting where she loved to be, not below the ground marked by a stone. Hopefully some day I can go out there and throw some flowers into the wind.
Monday, April 5, 2010
the last i heard from this mf was back in october. when he told me "fuck you" for asking him to help me pay HIS outstanding daycare balance. then apparently he got locked up, still don't know exactly when or what for. he never had his family contact me to tell me that, except after he'd been locked up for a couple months already and only because he expected me to do him the "favor" of signing a release for his property and using his $1280 to co-sign his bond. but he couldn't pay daycare AND said fuck me? nah, fuck YOU bitch.
so today daycare called me and said " i just wanted to let you know their father was just up here."
OH? so you just gonna pop up outta nowhere huh? no phone call apologizing or even to simply say "hey, i'm out now and i'd like to see the kids." just pop up right? smh... according to my kids, he said he was going to pick them up this saturday and take them shopping and to a carnival, and wrote his phone number down and gave it to my daughter, trying to act like he didn't know my number. word? so you can give your brother-in-law my phone number and have some dude i don't even know email me asking a favor on your behalf and you want ME to call YOU? muthafucka what?
IF this bitch really intends to do this "carnival and shopping" excursion with them, after the way he left shit, it is HIS job to contact ME and arrange that shit. i am SO gotdamn sick of him thinking that being a parent is optional and he can just come and go in and out of their life as he pleases. i am a parent EVERY SINGLE DAY. and because i am, i know that it's important for my children to have their father in their life. but not the way he goes about it. no sir. not gonna work. i have given him too many chances to be an ACTUAL father to them and he fucks it up every time. before i let him take them ANYWHERE, he will have to do the following:
- get his name on their birth certificates.
- agree to scheduled visits (they have NEVER spent a whole weekend with him since i left him 4 years ago)
- contribute atleast half towards daycare, school supplies, and clothing.
- agree to keep all conversations strictly related to the children.
- focus more on spending time with THEM and not whatever his hustle of the moment is.
if he can't comply with any of that, then FUCK HIM. my kids deserve to feel like their father gives a damn, not to be treated like they are optional in the life of someone they love. i'm tired of the drama and i'm tired of seeing them disappointed. i know i can't MAKE him do any of those things, but i can let him know i am NOT playing with his ass, at all.
he knows i pick them up around 6:30pm so i'm sure by now, he's aware that i have his phone number. but my number hasn't changed in years so let's see if Saturday comes and they hear from him or not. i doubt it. but what sucks is, my kids don't. and for their sake, i'd like him to prove me wrong this once. but i just don't see it happening.
sometimes i wish i could go back in time and not have procreated with HIM. but then my kids wouldn't be the ones i have now and i can't imagine that. i absolutely LOVE being THEIR mommy. i guess in being young and making decisions when blinded by "love" (realized too late that was SO not what love is) there's no way to see these things coming. but regardless, this is the hand i've dealt myself, good thing i can fold at any time AND walk away with all the chips... sucks to be him.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
So all the while I have my father making points as to how God doesn't exist, I had nobody compelling me to believe he did. And since we are all products of our environment, I grew up leaning more towards the belief that there is no God. I had too many unanswered questions.
"Could he have existed at some point?" Sure.
"But is a spirit living in the sky pulling puppet strings on lives down here NOW, and has been for thousands of years?" In order to believe that, I'd have to believe in ghosts and that magic is real.
"If God made everything, then who made him? Where did HE come from?" More magic?
"Jesus died for ME?" I never even met him, I wasn't there, and I didn't ask him to so.... o_O
"If Jesus didn't give his life then..." (complete this sentence for me because I don't know)
"HOW do you resurrect ANYONE from the dead?" I need answers. Let me know, I have a few deceased loved ones I'd like to kick it with today. Must be nice, Jesus.
I believe there is an energy, a force, a fate and a spirit that lives IN US. I can FEEL it but I think it mostly comes from within. My positive attitude has everything to do with me and the way I choose to see life. I don't feel like a divine spirit lays hands on me and calms my soul when times are hard. I use my mind to reason with myself and say "This is life. Things happen. But it will get better." Because that is the outlook I choose to have. Now there are some twists of fate and incidents that set your life on a different course that you have no control over. And that I can't explain, but who can? Is it just convenient to say "That ain't nothin but God (or the devil) girl." and call it day? I do believe there is SOMETHING but do I have to say it's God simply because just about everybody else does? I don't believe in ghosts so I can't justify it to myself.
I had a friend who asked me to come to church with her when I was 17 and I said "Girl I don't believe in God." You woulda thought I said "I just fucked 5 dudes last night." the way her face looked. "What?! Girl... why?" Then I asked her the questions I posed earlier in this post and she didn't have much to say. What I wanted to ask her was "How would your God feel knowing you fuck a married man while shouting "Oh God!" and then go sit up in church shouting praise to him? Hmm?" And she was 25 or 26 years old at the time, plenty old enough to know better. I've see too much hypocrisy and contradictory shit from so-called "saved" people. Religion itself seems contradictory, there are all these things you are not "supposed" to do, or you are considered a sinner. BUT if you happen to do it, and confess/ask for forgiveness- it's all good. And then when you die, your soul is judged again? Then your spirit goes to heaven or hell? And then what? NOBODY KNOWS.
If you can find me someone who has been to heaven or hell, I'd like to meet them.
There is a saying: "It is better to live life like God does exist and find out he doesn't, than to live like he doesn't exist and find out he does."
Well, if that's the case... then I'm good. I conduct myself morally better than some "devoted Christians" I know my damn self. I have never betrayed anyone, I treat people how they treat me, I don't judge anyone, I'm not a thief or murderer, I'm honest, I am a great mother, I have a positive attitude and I don't take a second of life for granted. Just because I don't know who/what hears me when I pray/send my energy out, doesn't make me less worthy of any blessings or good fortune I may receive. I devote my life to LIVING IT THE BEST I CAN, not to please God or Christ or Peter or whoever. And if there are pearly gates, and they want to hold that against me when my day comes- but forgive a murderer or child molester and let them in just because they said "I'm sorry, please forgive me."- then I didn't want to roam eternally amongst hypocrits anyway.
"Judge not, that ye be not judged". Matt. 7:1
Hmmm.... So, Jesus can't get mad at ME because nobody has facts and examples, right? Not my fault. All I know is when I went to google images and typed in "easter" to pull a pic for this post, out of the first 20 pics, only 2 were of the cross where Jesus "gave his life for us"..... and the rest were colored eggs and bunnies.
I'm about to go eat some jelly beans.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
"i tip on alligators, and little rattlesnakers, but i'm another flavor, somethin like a terminator..."
*dances on the table*
the man and i play this shit TO DEATH. daily.
"no matter how hard the times may seem. don't give up our plans, don't give up our dreams, no broken bridges can turn us around, cuz what we're searchin for will soon be found."
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
- my kids tell me i'm their best friend, and they are mine.
- i'm able to pay rent, on time.
- i have food, hot water, electricity, cable, and internet.
- i go to sleep and wake up next to a man who makes my heart happy.
- my children make Honor Roll and Perfect Attendance every quarter.
- i am currently a straight A student.
- all of my loved ones are healthy.
- i have transportation.
- i am employed.
- i keep my energy centered around positivity, strength, and growth.
- i know how far i've come.
- i know where i'm going.
- there are people who doubt me.
- at the end of the day, why wouldn't i?
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Saturday, March 13, 2010
grades for 2nd quarter have been finalized and i got straight A's! :)
not gonna lie, the first quarter i didn't do so great. started off good but then fumbled a bit. i was going back to school for the first time in 10 years, under a lot of stress, not getting enough sleep, and really just needed to get my time management skills in order. so i made sure for the 2nd quarter (and going forward) to organize my time better. i knew this wasn't going to be easy but anything worth having, is worth the struggle to get it. and i am so thankful to have a man in my life who supports me and cares for my kids so i can go to school. without him, i wouldn't be able to go. it means so much to me that sometimes i feel like i don't know how to thank him enough, that's a big thing to take on responsibility for kids that aren't even yours, atleast to me it is.
Friday, March 12, 2010
i used to write ALL the time. i have notebooks upon notebooks upon notebooks upon loose leaf papers upon random scribbled down thoughts.... just tucked away in my closet. i remember back when it was just me and my kids in my old apartment, after i tucked them in at night i'd go sit in the living room, listen to music, light some candles, zone out... then just write for hours.
i decided to read some of my old stuff... it's funny some of the things i wrote that i forgot about. interesting to see how i've grown...
your attempts to bring me down
only made me stronger
thank you for being a fraud
so i could recognize the real
thank you for making me numb
so i could learn how to feel
thank you for bringing me down
so i could pull myself together
thank you for raining on my picnic
so i could brave the weather
thank you for the manipulation
so i could learn to think for myself
thank you for crushing my soul
so i could nurse it back to health
thank you for the drama
so i could appreciate the silence
thank you for making me a momma
and goodbye violence.
or how i've remained the same...
"love of my life"
the moment we met
i felt it in my heart
we're in this til the end
nothing can keep us apart
and i know that's true
because i love you so much
i almost cry holding you
at the thought of losing your touch
you mean the world to me
your smile and your eyes...
when you look at me
and put your hand in mine
you make me forget my problems
and bring me to a happy place
even when we struggle
you put a smile on my face
anything you need
i won't rest until it's yours
i'll drop to my knees
and pray until they're sore
your happiness means more than my own
because you are my children
my flesh, my blood, my home.
i solemnly swear
to never neglect you
i'll always be here
to love and protect you.
Friday, March 5, 2010
"The way for a young man to rise is to improve himself in every way he can, never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him." - Abraham Lincoln
Hello good people. I'd like to speak on single mothers raising their sons in today's society. First let me make it clear that a woman cannot teach a boy how to be a man. We don't have a penis, we're not qualified. Point blank, period. The best we can do is teach our sons how to be good PEOPLE and hope that we have instilled enough respect and responsibility in them to produce a good man.
I often hear a lot of "My son will never act like this or my son will never do that." Which is a good thing, don't get me wrong, nobody wants to raise a disrespectful son who ain't about shit. But... my fellow Moms, please keep in mind it's not our job to turn our sons into the opposite of a man who has betrayed or failed us in life. It is a mother's job to teach, protect, and be a source of strength. Don't be so preoccupied in your mind about NOT raising an "ain't shit" man that you misguide your son into worshipping everything with a vagina. If you have a daughter, would you not tell her to be cautious in dealing with men? Of course you would, and probably fairly early. So let's not forget to protect our sons too. I always say: every man with a penis is not a dog, and every female with a vagina is not a lady (hence, bitches).
"Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; and nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude." - Thomas Jefferson
Friday, February 26, 2010
he cut them into like 12-inch pieces and then pinched the middle with a rubber band, kinda like a bowtie. then put some type of balloon or condom on one end. homemade ridiculously huge dildo of some sort. man there were like 8 of these contraptions on the floor of his shower stall..... with fecal matter on them. he was sticking these things IN.HIS.ASS.
these things were all under his bed too! this animal had a kiddie pool in his room and a pot of various lubes on the floor. he would warm the lube on the stove, put the kiddie pool on his bed, pour the lube in it, climb in there with his dildo noodles and with the help of some augmentation device.... fuck himself up the ass with these things!!!! as he looked out the window at the CHILDREN!!!!!
that shit right there? had me like..... enraged. like to the point of contemplating switching my career move from crime lab to child pornography investigator. all these sick, disgusting, pieces of shit need to be locked up and off our streets (among various other punishments i can think of but won't mention).
i'm not writing this blog to gross anyone out. i'm writing it to wake people up. to make people alert. to know what is going on in your neighborhood. to encourage you to check the sex offender registry online to see if you have any sex offenders living near you. even if you don't have children. there are still rapists and peeping toms out here.
so.... what's YOUR neighborhood lookin like?
you can find out here -------------------> Sex Offender Registry
be safe out there please. this world seems to just be getting crazier and crazier.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
I ain't mad tho. Although I'm a tad pissed at how this will affect my income, I'm also smarter than the average bear.
When I got my income tax return, I did not lose my mind and go on a shopping spree. I paid off all my bills down to my current balance plus 2 months ahead. So I won't have to worry about paying any bills until April. Now, with these Mondays off I have all day to look for a new job, thanks bitches :)
This Monday was my first Monday off and it was drizzling and dreary but I got my ass up and out anyway. Apparently applying online isn't working fast enough, or at all even. So I just said fuck it, I'ma go out and ask people if they're hiring. There are alot of business complexes near my house so I started there. I got alot of "Sorry, we're not hiring but we'll take your resume." blah blah blah. I went to about 18 places and got rid of 10 resumes. One place I will hear from either tomorrow or Monday. It's a screen tee printing company and the owner also owns a financial consulting firm and said that lately he's been too occupied doing "small stuff" and needs more time to dedicate towards the important stuff. So he told me that he's going to figure out what he needs help with between his two businesses and see if he can find 40 hours worth of work for me to do, and if he can then I will have a job :) So I'm keeping my fingers crossed for that!
Word of advice to anyone looking for a job, go in person! Apply online too but don't do that and only that. I got my current job just by walking in. The position I'm working didn't even exist before I came in the door. After I dropped off my resume, they thought "Hmm... we do need some help." and created a position for me. Not that I like this job, just sayin that going in person can speed the process of finding a job.
A manager at one of the places I went to Monday said that they didn't have anything but he admired my determination and he will be sure to ask his associates if they know of anything so he can share my resume. He also said to call him back in 5-6 weeks if I didn't have a job by then to see if business has picked up and he'd see if he had something for me then.
Never give up. Never think there is only one way to go about doing something.
Every Monday I'm going out until I get something. So hopefully by the time bills start rolling in again I will have new employment with a new (better) salary and everything will be cool. I actually declared at the beginning of this year that I WILL have new job by March, so let's see how good my psychic powers are lol. My honey on the other hand, is discouraged by the current job market and thinks his time would be better spent going back to school to study law. But I think that's a positive thing and I support him on that if that's what he'd like to do. He's about sick of the government getting over on people just because they don't fully understand their rights, and so am I. But that's a whole other blog right there....
But anywaaay... gotta cut this short. I hope yall have a lovely day :)
Friday, February 19, 2010
- i often remix songs into some perverted or otherwise inappropriate version in my head. just be in the bathroom singing "every piss begins with peeeee." to the tune of a kay jewelers commercial.
- i only like red and purple skittles. i don't wanna taste the rainbow.
- i have eaten more cookie dough in the last month than i have actually used it to bake cookies, even though is specifically says "DO NOT CONSUME RAW COOKIE DOUGH" on the packaging :-/
- i do my kegel exercises every day. it's just the responsible thing to do when you have a vagina.
- i sleep on the left side of the bed.
- some days i imagine cocking back and bustin my boss in the forehead with a chicken wing for my own amusement.
- i don't think trey songz invented sex.
- i whoop ass when necessary. more parents should.
- i think highly of myself, but i don't look down on anyone. unless i'm gettin some head ;)
- i dance and sing (really loud) in my car, even when i can feel people looking at me, i don't give a fuck... point. laugh. glad i could entertain ya. catch me at a red light near you bitches.
- i think many perverted thoughts every day. many.... every.... day.
- i don't like to share my snacks. depending on what kind of mood i'm in, i will: 1. buy you some of what i'm eating 2. eat it away from other human beings or 3. straight act like i don't see you eyeballing my tasty treats as i devour them.
- i hate tomatoes. and mushrooms. and olives. and bananas. and oranges. and i only use onions and peppers for flavor while cooking, but i push them off to the side when it's time to eat.
- i have a heart of platinum. i will do anything i'm capable of for those i love (*who i know- without a doubt- would do the same for me).
- i'm addicted to Forensic Files tv series and Law & Order. i can watch either of those back to back to back...
- i squeeze my own ass for no particular reason sometimes.
- i just ordered that Insanity workout DVD series.... pray for my body please.
- i love big earrings.
- chocolate is like crack to me. craaaack!!
- i have only lived in two states, NY (since birth) and GA (since 2000).
- i hardly ever go out. and as i'm getting older, i realize when i do go out that i'm not missing much. i feel like small doses of partying are better than partying til it seems old and boring to you.
- i think smoking cigarettes is even nastier than sucking 3 different dicks in one day. yall know what that does to your lungs? this: (left lung non-smoker, right lung.... well, do the math)
-i'm an asshole.
-i'm a leo. which may explain why i'm an asshole :)
- i can appreciate a nice ass on a female just as well as a man can. except i do not want to have sex with it or touch it. penis fo life! but i'll still look. *shrugs*
- i am currently a straight A student *pops four collars*
tis all for now.
enjoy your day folks!
Monday, February 8, 2010
I am not a spiteful, bitter woman, being a stank bitch about my bd over petty things. It's things like today. My youngest son's 5th birthday. His second birthday in a row with no phone call from the man who gave him life. The man who claimed once upon a time that his children meant the world to him. The man he looks like. The man who insisted he be named after him.
I can't wait to fill out those name change papers. Luckily my bd and my brother have the same first name so once I change my son's middle name, he will just be named after my brother, so it all works out :)
And I really don't give a fuck about snatching my bd's father's name away from him, because it's an ugly ass name anyway.
My older son's middle name is the same as my bd's first name (how crazy is it that he made sure both his sons had his name, then went to not giving a fuck to even say "happy birthday"??) so I'm changing his to my father's middle name. And my daughter's middle name is my bd's sister's first name. Sooo hers will be changed too lol. I'm changing it to "Saree" it means "most noble" in Arabic and I like how it sounds with her first name.
This whole changing of the names may sound a bit extreme, but seriously what is the point of having my children walk through life named after people who obviously don't care about them? No thank you.
Anyway, for my son's birthday I dropped him off at school with a cake this morning and then went back up there on my lunch break to have some cake with him and his class. We won't do the actual "celebrating" until Saturday because there's still one more birthday this week, my other son turns 6 on Friday (yeah they were born a year apart and will be the same age for 4 days, crazy huh? lol). So we'll do the Chuck E. Cheese thing when I get out of class and do cake and gifts and all that good stuff for them both then. I just LOVE when my kids have a birthday, I always think back to the day they were born. Despite all the bullshit I went through with their father for six years, if they were the only good thing to come of it, then it was all worth it in my eyes. They are the loves of my life and they mean more to me than I can even put into words. I live for them and I will die for them. Period.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
me: so i come to work to this on my desk. um thanks for the peanuts? wtf who just gives people a handfull of peanuts on a sheet of paper without asking if they even want any? fuck these nuts.
ava: write 'deez' on the paper just for giggles....
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
my response: I have kids and they need a good role model. So no thanks.
I'm sick of all these "reality" shows in general actually.
Flavor of Ray J's Dick.
The Fake World.
I refuse to donate any of my brain functions towards those shows. I'd rather watch something on the History Channel or National Geographic and learn something than watch bitches chase after "celebrity" penis, or get drunk and fight eachother, or watch people party and fuck carelessly or live in a "real" world that doesn't look a damn thing like the world I live in. I don't know....
Maybe I'm getting old.
Or maybe I'm just getting wiser.
How do you feel about these shows?
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Thursday, January 14, 2010
This is true. BUT if you haven't been doing anything to assist in that cause EITHER then what are you complaining for? A majority of people in the U.S. are homeless and hungry because they made some bad decisions in their life and need to get it together. There are the disabled or victims of circumstance, who make up the smaller percentage of homeless people, I'm just saying a MAJORITY of people in that position put themselves there (and I do donate to the Salvation Army and have helped strangers many times in my life, so yes I do care about domestic issues too). Haiti is already the poorest nation and they were minding their business when this earthquake hit. I don't see how anyone can be insensitive to such a massive loss of human life and destruction.
Maybe simply hearing about it or reading about it isn't enough. But right now THIS is what the people of Haiti are going through:
And THIS is what you can do to help (list compiled by google of all organizations assisting in relief to Haiti).