Friday, March 5, 2010

Are We Raising Men or Mice?

(shame on me for having this saved in my drafts for like a week even though it's already been posted on O Hell Nawl .... yeah i plugged myself a lil bit. sue me :) but also please check em out if you haven't already. i love that site, it's one of my faves and i appreciate the opportunity to share my thoughts there. anyways.... enjoy.)

"The way for a young man to rise is to improve himself in every way he can, never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him." - Abraham Lincoln

Hello good people. I'd like to speak on single mothers raising their sons in today's society. First let me make it clear that a woman cannot teach a boy how to be a man. We don't have a penis, we're not qualified. Point blank, period. The best we can do is teach our sons how to be good PEOPLE and hope that we have instilled enough respect and responsibility in them to produce a good man.

I often hear a lot of "My son will never act like this or my son will never do that." Which is a good thing, don't get me wrong, nobody wants to raise a disrespectful son who ain't about shit. But... my fellow Moms, please keep in mind it's not our job to turn our sons into the opposite of a man who has betrayed or failed us in life. It is a mother's job to teach, protect, and be a source of strength. Don't be so preoccupied in your mind about NOT raising an "ain't shit" man that you misguide your son into worshipping everything with a vagina. If you have a daughter, would you not tell her to be cautious in dealing with men? Of course you would, and probably fairly early. So let's not forget to protect our sons too. I always say: every man with a penis is not a dog, and every female with a vagina is not a lady (hence, bitches).

How can you feel like this?:

and hope to raise a son properly?

You can't. My sons are young (5 and 6) but once they become of age, you better believe I will equip them with the knowledge on how to recognize a scalywag. I'm not gonna have my sons being some sucka for love ass chumps giving their heart and undivided attention to just anything with a fat ass and pretty smile. Yes, teach your sons how to be respectful, courteous, have manners and be gentlemen, etc. Just know that like every man isn't worthy of your all, nor is every female worthy of a man's all (and ironically, these were probably the little girls whose mothers "best advice" once upon a time was telling them that men ain't shit. smh). When boys start to like girls, it's exciting but intimidating for them, fear of rejection can be a muthafucka. Keep that in mind, teach confidence as well as respectfulness. A man needs to know his worth too.

"If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart." - Nelson Mandela

Some women push their experiences off onto their sons and give them the burden of proving themselves to females without even realizing it, although their intentions may feel good- they are misguided. Teach him for his sake, not for the sake of womankind. As long as there are Nicki Minaj's and "barbies" out here, some women will do a fine job setting themselves back on their own, without a man's help. If ALL a little boy is ever told is that girls are precious and special and should be treated with care and tenderness, he's gonna get played for a fool some day, guaranteed. Hell he may get played anyway, but atleast let him know that's a possibility so he's better prepared to deal with it. Not have him out here blindsided like "Damn I thought girls were made of sunshine n gum drops n shit, thanks a lot Mom." (*backfire*)
And if you have a daughter, pleeeeeease don't plant in her head that all men are not to be trusted and they will hurt you. There are men out here who were raised right but they'll never get the time of day if they're treated like the usual suspects. Just keep her up on game for whenever a man does try to pull a fast one, she can be like "nuh uh." Also an even bigger PLEASE to mothers who have a worthless man in their life, do NOT allow your child to EVER see you accept less than your worth. Fuck what your heart feels (go 'head with that Melanie Fiona "but i love this mannnn" bullshit), your child(ren)'s best interest comes before anything. ANYTHING.

"Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; and nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude." - Thomas Jefferson

It is so critical to provide knowledge to your children on as many aspects of life as you can, in case you haven't noticed, the world is only getting crazier. And don't forget to lead by example, practice what you preach because simply talking a good one isn't good enough.

Anyone care to share their experience/two cents on being a single mother? Or any men who were raised by a single mother and how you feel it had an effect on your life? Advice from fathers for single mothers?

Oh wait. Before I drop the mic and get down off my soapbox, I'd like to shout out Slaus, Minista, and D'Mario for being good fathers, and all the rest of the fathers who are active in their child's life and upbringing- not just paying that child support and calling it a day *side eye*. Also to the men out there who are in a relationship with a woman who has children and help her hold it down, yall are appreciated too! ;)

P.S. Be sure to tackle your sons or body slam them on the couch for no reason from time to time, rough em up. It's good for their soul :)


Kingsmomma said...

"P.S. Be sure to tackle your sons or body slam them on the couch for no reason from time to time, rough em up. It's good for their soul :)"

see that's why i walk in the room and just throw him across the bed outta nowhere. Chicken soup for the soul right there.

I agree though. I'm rasing my son to be the type of man that I feel he should be. I can only hope that everything i'm teaching him and enstilling in him combines in such a way that he is a successful non aint shit kinda man, but that's completely up to him after a certain part. He will, however, been given the tools and knowledge he needs to be a great man. I will disagree on a woman not being able to teach a man how to be a man. Being a man has more to do than just owning a penis. Hell I used to piss standing up when I was a kid. Even the manliest man can produce a little immature peter pan syndrome having little boy.

amymay said...

I'm hoping to raise a responsible, respectful, confident person. I think that's about the best I can do.

I'm thankful for the strong positive male figures in his life, though, believe that.

HD said...

OH MY GOD!! Finally! Somebody who agrees with me!!! Mothers (and Fathers) need to teach their boys that they deserve respect from women too. Too often it's the other way around; we beat onto the heads of boys how they're always supposed to treat a lady, but almost NEVER how girls are supposed to treat gentlemen. We need it too. Men Do need to feel like we're worth it. As the child of a single mother, this article is nothing short of a breath of fresh air. Methinks you're an awesome mom.

☆Reese said...

Love the way you wrote this! I agree on all points