Friday, December 10, 2010

Satisfaction Guaranteed

There was a discussion on twitter yesterday about women "faking it" and I don't know how the topic got brought up but it got me to thinking...

WHY?

Why would a woman feel the need to fake an orgasm? I wish I would. No ma'am. If you are not being satisfied, do NOT pretend you are. I've never (knock on good wood) been in the position to call for faking so MAYBE I don't know what I'm talking about. Maybe women fake it for the sake of preserving the man's ego, I don't know... but fuck that. I would think that giving a man the impression that he is putting it on you, when in fact he is not, is only going to make it worse for the both of you. You get neglected while he gets his but he thinks he's "the man" because you faked it, so he's just going to keep doing what he does (poorly) while your vagina goes to sleep with an attitude :( And then when you stop dealing with him, he will do this to the next chick as well because he felt like it worked on you, look out for your fellow womankind and don't allow this to happen.

I know everyone has a different stance when it comes to sex. Some people don't mind casual sex, others do. Some people feel like a mutual attraction is enough of a reason to have sex. I personally can't get down like that because I'm not gambling with my sex. I just refuse. I like it too much and take it too serious to risk wasting it on wack penis. I will be PISSED off if I get all hype and aroused and then be stuck looking like "that's it?" Like, I will seriously have an attitude so it's just best if I make sure it will be an enjoyable experience in order to prevent shit from getting ugly. That is why I have a process...

I know this is 2010 and times have changed but, for me, there are certain things that need to be in alignment before I allow a man access to my love below. First of all, we need to establish a mutual respect, love, and friendship for one another. Because when it's all said and done, I want your penis and my vagina to love and respect each other and be like best friends as well. But there are a few more things that need to be evaluated before I determine if a man is...


Okay, we're cool. We respect each other. We love each other (not saying IN love, but there needs to be some type of love). But if that's all it takes in order to justify me giving up the drawls, I would have fucked every single one of my friends by now. So um, yeah. I need more to go on than that.

So the next thing I look at is the way he "threatens me" to build up my anticipation of having sex with him. I know "talk is cheap" but I like to talk shit and I need to know how a man talks his shit. There are certain things a man says that will TELL you (for the most part) if he knows what he's doing or not. For example, if you are having a conversation with someone about... oh let's say politics... and the depth of their convo consists of the same shit you hear on the news, they haven't done any research of their own. Same goes for sex. A man who lacks knowledge on the skills of eating pussy probably wouldn't think to say, "I'll lick you slow until you shake and your pussy throbs on my tongue while you cum." (more than likely, he has caused a woman to experience this before) A man who is just "talking shit" will say something like, "Yeah I'll eat that pussy for hours until you can't take it anymore." (more than likely, he HAS to lick at a pussy for forever because nothing has happened yet, and then she just tells him to stop... or fakes it, I guess) A man with ACTUAL skills won't need "hours" to have you backing up across the bed leaking. Okay, onto the next phase...

By this time, I want to fuck (yeah I'm vulgar, oh well), BUT I need to know what you're working with. So I give the yellow light. I want to feel how you touch me, how you kiss me, etc. before I let you handle my vagina. And I'm going to touch you back because I want to know what you're packing. What I'm going to say next may sound awful but I really don't care. If it doesn't feel like it's capable of damage, I don't want it and I won't accept it. I won't be rude about it but I'm just saying... it's not happening. Not that day or any other day. This is why I prefer we be friends first, so I can say, "I don't know what we're doing, we can't do this. We would be better keeping the friendship we have." Yeah, I already said I know that's awful but oh the hell well. If you don't want to be my friend because I won't fuck you, then fuck you :)

Okay, now if I like what I felt and saw... you can get the green light. But not right that moment. We'll have to call it a day (or night) and part ways, but I will arrange to see you the next day. I may be a tease but I have good intentions. Because I guarantee you that next day, all we can think about is the night before and how we are going to ravish each other, so when it finally goes down- it goes DOWN. And will continue to do so because: 1) the love, respect, and friendship was already established, and 2) the sex is great.

I like sex too much to get it sporadically. I'm fully capable of busting nuts all by my lonesome if need be. I'd rather go without a man in the equation altogether until I find the right person to enjoy it with. For some people, that may sound like I'm depriving myself but I feel like there are certain things that are worth my patience. And my vagina's well-being and happiness is one of them. After being with my kids' father for 6 years, when I left him, I went 7 consecutive months (damn that sounds like a jail sentence) without sex, until I met someone who captured my interest, and I applied the above "process." He satisfied all requirements, and we have been together ever since. So, going over half a year without penis in my life resulted in having frequent (and fabulous) sex with a man who loves and respects me, and is like my best friend, for over 4 years and counting... sounds like a win in my book.

If that's not what you're looking for at this time, cool. Everyone is different and I know that. This is just the best way I know of to reduce the risk of experiencing disappointing sex (or disappointing relationships). I have more to say but this is already longer than I intended so I'll just end it on that note.

4 comments:

Cue the Dramatics said...

PREACH! I am holding strong 2 months now and intend to go as long as necessary. I just got out of a relationship with the best Dick ever! No way I'm taking a chance on getting some sorry shit. Not worth it.

Mista Jaycee said...

I'd rather she not fake it so I can try to get better. What if I get a wooodie for every other chick but never for Her, she'd feel real bad. So never fake it!
Jaycee

Justin said...

I just found your blog. Very amusing.

Serendipituous said...

I don't understand those women who fake it. It's like you're putting in effort to remain dissatisfied in bed. Ridiculous.