Monday, April 5, 2010

ugh.

disclaimer: i'm just writing this because i need to vent. so if you don't care to hear me rant about my BD, feel free to click the "back" button on your browser.

the last i heard from this mf was back in october. when he told me "fuck you" for asking him to help me pay HIS outstanding daycare balance. then apparently he got locked up, still don't know exactly when or what for. he never had his family contact me to tell me that, except after he'd been locked up for a couple months already and only because he expected me to do him the "favor" of signing a release for his property and using his $1280 to co-sign his bond. but he couldn't pay daycare AND said fuck me? nah, fuck YOU bitch.

so today daycare called me and said " i just wanted to let you know their father was just up here."

*record skips*

OH? so you just gonna pop up outta nowhere huh? no phone call apologizing or even to simply say "hey, i'm out now and i'd like to see the kids." just pop up right? smh... according to my kids, he said he was going to pick them up this saturday and take them shopping and to a carnival, and wrote his phone number down and gave it to my daughter, trying to act like he didn't know my number. word? so you can give your brother-in-law my phone number and have some dude i don't even know email me asking a favor on your behalf and you want ME to call YOU? muthafucka what?

i refuse.

IF this bitch really intends to do this "carnival and shopping" excursion with them, after the way he left shit, it is HIS job to contact ME and arrange that shit. i am SO gotdamn sick of him thinking that being a parent is optional and he can just come and go in and out of their life as he pleases. i am a parent EVERY SINGLE DAY. and because i am, i know that it's important for my children to have their father in their life. but not the way he goes about it. no sir. not gonna work. i have given him too many chances to be an ACTUAL father to them and he fucks it up every time. before i let him take them ANYWHERE, he will have to do the following:

- get his name on their birth certificates.
- agree to scheduled visits (they have NEVER spent a whole weekend with him since i left him 4 years ago)
- contribute atleast half towards daycare, school supplies, and clothing.
- agree to keep all conversations strictly related to the children.
- focus more on spending time with THEM and not whatever his hustle of the moment is.

if he can't comply with any of that, then FUCK HIM. my kids deserve to feel like their father gives a damn, not to be treated like they are optional in the life of someone they love. i'm tired of the drama and i'm tired of seeing them disappointed. i know i can't MAKE him do any of those things, but i can let him know i am NOT playing with his ass, at all.

he knows i pick them up around 6:30pm so i'm sure by now, he's aware that i have his phone number. but my number hasn't changed in years so let's see if Saturday comes and they hear from him or not. i doubt it. but what sucks is, my kids don't. and for their sake, i'd like him to prove me wrong this once. but i just don't see it happening.

sometimes i wish i could go back in time and not have procreated with HIM. but then my kids wouldn't be the ones i have now and i can't imagine that. i absolutely LOVE being THEIR mommy. i guess in being young and making decisions when blinded by "love" (realized too late that was SO not what love is) there's no way to see these things coming. but regardless, this is the hand i've dealt myself, good thing i can fold at any time AND walk away with all the chips... sucks to be him.

15 comments:

Monique said...

I'm just going to give you a cyberhug. (((hugs)))

NC17 said...

amen, women always forget that they do hold the chips in the relationships and every guy is replaceble.

Bella said...

@Monique: thanks mama *hugs back*

@NC17: oh girl he was replaced a lonnng time ago! i was meaning i hold the chips as far as the kids are concerned lol

AssertiveWit and Babybottoms said...

I've read and heard rants/vents about BD's and none were as on point as this...it was ALL about the kids and that speaks volumes about you as a mom. You want what's best for your children and he should want that too...hope he doesn't let the kiddies down! Hang in there; I'm sure your children appreciate EVERYTHING you do for them :)

shinita3ofus said...

Don't you hate when you have to see their faces when they don't come through? Or feel compelled to do something special because of their screw up? I feel you. I'd rather argue with the BD day and night rather than let him tell the kid he's going to do this, buy this, do that, take him here, pick him up at this time and then the clown doesn't even call to cancel. And I don't like to argue at all. That's okay though. I have a special kind of torture for him . . . in my book! (I'm not that crazy yet!)

Kingsmomma said...

Oh girl I feel for you and absolutely agree.

Bella said...

thank you all, i will have to come back and respond to comments later, i'm at work being sneaky, don't want yall to think i'm being rude lol

IntrospectiveGoddess said...

I think you are an excellent mother from what I read here, this nigga just gets grimier every time I read about him, so low for him to actually go up to your kids day care and feed them those lies, just lower than fucking dirt, i say you go ahead and schedule something fun for them to do cuz I just know his ass isnt going to follow through with his bullshit promises...ugh
oh and quick question have you thought about getting him to sign over his parental rights? and maybe a restraining order should be considered as well...for you and the kids

Dirty Red said...

I am so sorry that you have to go through this shit. At least you were smart enough to have realized that this fool was not shit before it was too damn late. My sister has a habit of getting down with ain't shit niggas. Every dude I have known her to be with has been nothing but a worthless sack of skin. She has too beautiful boys from two no good ass motherfuckers. And she is talking about marrying the father of the youngest even though he is in the county on a probation violation. I don't understand it. She is a nurse at a nursing home in the ATL and her latest sperm donor worked(past-tense) in the damn kitchen. Why in the holy white hell would a NURSE want to fuck around with someone other than a damn Dr? I thought the idea was to aim high in a relationship, but that is just me. Anyways this dude has been nothing but trouble to her and my oldest nephew, but she got knocked up from him and now he is in and out of jail every couple of months. I am contemplating on having him touched if you know what I mean, but what good will it do? She will only run back to his sorry ass and be mad at me. I don't get it. I am sorry to vent on your site, I ain't trying to take away from your post, but this hit a little close to me. I am glad that you have moved on and your BD is past tense though. I only wish that my sister would do the same and wake the hell up.

Bella said...

@AssertiveWit: thank you! i was hoping he wouldn't let them down either but it's 2 days later and... no call of course. i highly doubt it's coming either.

@Shinita: yeah i HATE it. that's why this time, i'm not gonna make that so easy for him. it's sad when you have to tell your kids (8, 6, and 5 years old) "when Daddy says he's going to do something for you, don't get excited until he actually shows up." it's fucked up i even had to say that but i got tired of seeing their faces fall when they realize he isn't coming... again. so i had to be honest.

@Kingsmomma: thank you :)

@Introspective: nah i'm not gonna file a restraining order, he doesn't even know where i live. he doesn't come around enough to even make that necessary, plus he'd use that against ME if one day he ever decides to give an entire fuck he'll just tell them "well your mommy filed a restraining order." i'm gonna just let him be so the blame lies all on him. i was gonna take them to the beach this weekend but it looks like it's gonna cool down. i'll see what other (inexpensive) thing i can do for them instead :)

@DirtyRed: it's okay, let it out lol. the only thing that will ever change her is TIME. that's it. i was with my kids father for SIX year (18-24)... we make most of our mistakes while we're young and learn as we go along. i didn't stay with him that long because "i loved him so much." it was more the fact that i wanted a FAMILY. i didn't want to just be somebody's "baby momma"- that was never part of any dream of mine. i just kept thinking/hoping he would change but the more frequent his abuse became, i realized i was making the wrong move- no matter what my intentions were. having NO "happily ever afer" is way better than having a dysfuntional one, or living a lie. so i snapped out of it, left, and never turned back or shed a SINGLE tear. your sister will wake up whenever she decides "enough is enough" and however long that takes is different for everyone. but i'm with you and i hope it sooner than later *hugs*

Bella said...

*oh and @Introspective: he already has no rights, there's nothing for him to sign over. the "Father" field on their birth certificates is blank and they all have my last name. since we weren't married and he didn't have valid state issued ID (because he's a paranoid reject), no paternity affadavit was ever notarized and filed. he keeps saying "oh yeah i need to take care of that" but never does. it's cool tho, because i prefer they have my last name anyway. it suits them better :)

NINA said...

LET ME JUST FIRST OFF STATE THAT YOU ARE A GREAT PARENT! A CHILD DOES NOT NEED TWO PARENTS TO BE LOVED. YOUR KIDS FATHER IS A LAME..GREAT POST I FEEL YOU EVEN THOUGH I DONT HAVE CHILDREN I DO UNDERSTAND WHAT IT'S LIKE FOR A MAN TO COME IN AND OUT OF YOUR LIFE. EXPICALLY WITH CHILDREN INVOVLED I COULD ONLY IMAGINE WHAT THEY THINK AND FEEL.

Bella said...

thank you! yeah he is LAME as hell. annnnd it's Saturday and guess what? no call. but i'm not the least bit surprised. i think the kids aren't either, they didn't even ask me if he's called yet. all i can do is shake my head and keep it movin, as usual.

amymay said...

First of all, I really wish you and your kids didn't have to go through all this revolving door daddy shit. I'm sorry you gotta put up with that fuggery.

But, my second thought, and I'm so sorry I'm being selfish here... every time I read about the crap your BD pulls, I am soooooooo grateful that my son's sperm donor took me at my word. When I found out I was pregnant, I told him he had to make a choice, he was either all in for the kid or he was out. Period. He chose out. And for the last almost 8 years, he hasn't tried not one time to check to see if that door was REALLY locked. It only is, but I'm still grateful he hasn't knocked.

Bella said...

@amymay: thank you, it's okay i feel the same way you do. except from the beginning we weren't in a position for that ultimatum to be given. we were actually together and he was active in their lives. was at the hospital for each birth, hugged and kissed them. told them they were his "best friends" and would curl up on the couch with them and fall sleep watching tv together... it was when i left him and moved out on my own that all of that fizzled away. for what reason i don't know, but i do know that the "revolving door" (i like how you put that lol) business he's been doing for the past 4 years is not going to continue. i'm with you, he NOW has the option of: ALL or NOTHING. it has been more than long enough for him to make them a priority in his life. he always says they mean the world to him but shit i can't tell, and neither can they. i definitely feel that you did the right thing. it doesn't sound selfish to me at all.