Sunday, May 31, 2009

(So I had started this post like a month ago but it stayed in "draft" status til now, I had to finish it first. I wrote it because I was happy to see I was up to 50 followers and wanted to share 50 personal things about myself. Even though I've passed 50 Followers since then *smooches* I'd still like to share. So here it goes...)

I'm up to 50 followers now, wow I'm kinda surprised there's 50 people interested in anything I have to say lol. When I first started my lil blog, I just wanted an outlet to express my thoughts. Thanks to each of you who clicked the "follow" tab for a bitch. I know 50 isn't alot per se, but it is to me because I take my writing serious. I just don't keep up on it like I should anymore (curse you twitter!) So since all I've been doing lately for the most part is posting funny videos, I'm gonna make this post a bit more personal and share 50 things about myself, walk through my brain with me :)

1. I was born with blond hair and blue eyes, then around 5 yrs old my hair started to get darker and my eyes turned green.

2. I have one older brother in the Navy. And I have a younger sister who I hardly ever speak to because her husband's family is apparently more important than her own.

3. I wore a dress last year on my birthday and it was the first time I had worn a dress in almost 10 years.

4. I'm a Daddy's girl. If something ever happened to him I would lose it.

5. When we were babies, my parents used to play catch with us. As in they would stand 5-6 feet apart from each other and throw us back and forth.

6. My parents divorced when I was around 5 years old so I don't have many (hardly any) memories of living in some "happily ever after" type of household.

7. Kids used to pick on me when I was younger because I was a tad pudgy, had poofy hair and my mom couldn't afford us very nice clothes.

8. I didn't get along with white kids very well for some reason. Probably because they were the only ones always talkin shit "is your comb broken? did your mom make that shirt? hahahaha" Yeah, hardy har har now bitches. And I'm not gonna throw in a "lol" cuz I mean that shit.

9. My mom really did make our clothes sometimes. She's nice on the sewing machine. And I love her for that.

10. My parents told us that I was the only one they actually planned to have and the other two were suprises. Makes me feel kinda awkward and special at the same time lol.

11. I went to 5 different elementary schools between Kindergarten and 6th grade because my mom moved so much. I remember two days of my 5 year old life that our home was the car. It's so crazy because I even remember the brown and orange knitted blanket that I covered up with and falling asleep in the back of a station wagon, hearing Phil Collins on the radio... "I can feel it comin in the air tonight... hold on..." like it was yesterday.

12. I still remember my phone # from when I was 6 years old (315) 437-5516

13. I used to be a lil bad ass, tearing up people's yards for no reason. Uprooting their flowers, kicking over lawn decorations, turning on their water hoses and unraveling them. I mean from house to house like a serial delinquent. And I still couldn't tell you why *hangs head in shame* lol.

14. I used to harass my mother's friends if they showed up to my birthday party without a present. Next time I saw them I'd be like "So did you remember my present this time?" and I mean every single time. Til one day my mom heard me and cursed me out, whoops. Shit I didn't know that was rude lol I was just a kid and I wanted my present damn it.

15. I used to correct grown folks.

Grown Folk: "Why don't you go sit down in that chair?"

Me: "Actually, that's NOT a chair. It is a bean bag chair."

It got to the point where my mom's friend stared calling me "Miss Correct-All" because I jumped on everything.

16. When I was 10 years old, I thought I got my period because I did #2 in Popeye's bathroom and the walls were red and the lights were low, optical illusion like a mufucka okay? So I told my mom I got my period, she bought me pads, called all her friends and everything. I told one of my friends, who went and told a bitch who told a bitch... til everyone knew. And it was one more thing for people to pick on me about (for some reason), only to find out it was a false alarm...smh.

17. That same year I got my first lil boyfriend, kinda popular, lived across the street from me. I remember his parents had a party that weekend and my family was there. His mom and my mom were talking til late at night and he fell asleep on the couch with his headphones on. Even at 10 years old I had the instinct to turn his music off, remove the headphones, cover him up, and smooch him on the forehead. I was all happy I had me a boyfriend lol. Til three days later he called me and said he was breaking up with me to go out with my prettier friend. And the next day in school she was like "I'm really sorry..." I just cut her off and said "It's okay, friends are more important than boys." I was the realest 4th grader alive lol.

18. My first crush was in the 2nd grade and I still remember his name. O'dell Graves. I should look him up on facebook... ha! Yeah right.

19. When I was a little girl I used to want to be a ballerina... and an English teacher. Weird.

20. I was NOT allowed to waste food. Even if I had to sit at the table for 2 hours staring at lima beans... oh they made me eat them bitches one way or another. One night my Dad sat at the table singing "Just eat it!" to me (Before Weird Al Yankovich even remade "Just Beat it." by the way lol)

21. I acquired a taste for Kalhua at 12 years old. I used to sneak and put it in my milk sometimes.

22. When I lived with my mom in the suburbs, I was an outcast. When I went to school in the city after moving in with my Dad, I became popular. Hmm... wonder if that had anything to do with moving away from all the stuck up Ambercrombie & Fitch bitches...

23. I got kicked out of high school in 10th grade and sent to "the bad kids school" V.I.N.T.A. which stood for Violence Is Not The Answer... smh. Easiest credits I ever earned. It was only from 9am to 1pm... that was punishment? And it doesn't even show up on my record? Shit, thank you.

24. My first job was at a laser tag place/arcade. I used to help myself to pizza and birthday cake while the party was in the back playing lol. We also used to smoke weed in the breakroom with the assistant manager & sneak in vodka and sprite in Taco Bell cups. And we used the breakroom wall to write shit about eachother in permanent marker. I used to write shit like "I saw (so and so) in the food court wearin a lime green sequin bodysuit doin the humpty hump talkin bout 'i shot the sheriff!'" Then they would write their rebuttal, ahhh good times... good times.

25. I spent my first paycheck from my first job in less than 3 hours, then asked my Dad for lunch money the next day. He told me I should've thought about that before I went shopping and spent all my money. I learned how to budget at 16 lol.

26. When I was 17 I ran into two bitches at the mall who used to make fun of me when I was 10... they didn't recognize me. Oh-ho-ho but I recognized them! And made sure to go up to them with the only "Jessica? Amber?" then watch the puzzled look on their face when I said "It's me (insert government name here)." The look on their face was more gratifying than any sarcastic thing I could have even said. I just hit them back with a big smile, an extra cheerful "Well it was nice seeing you, take care!" flipped my hair and walked away :D

27. I moved out of home when I was 17, before I even graduated high school. Roommated with a friend, thought I was grown as hell lol. Been living on my own ever since.

28. My father's second wife (of 10 years) suffered from chronic depression and committed suicide in the mall by jumping 4 stories from the movie theater level and landed next to children waiting in line to see the Easter Bunny, it even made national news. That was the worst day of my life.

29. My mother wrote a beautiful poem about my stepmother and read it at her funeral, my mom is the REALEST.

30. When I was 18 I worked 3 jobs. Clerical work Monday thru Friday from 12pm-4pm, then off to a News Stand in the mall food court from 4:30-10pm, and then worked at Victoria's Secret on the weekends. And I didn't even have to, I just wanted to.

31. I had my first child when I was 20, my second at 22 and my third at 23.

32. I didn't know I was pregnant with my second child until I was 20 weeks. Mother Nature is a tricky bitch boy I tell ya.

33. My kids' father AKA B.D. put me through alot of shit. He was abusive, possessive and controlling. He even called the train station one night to confirm that a train wasn't running and that's why I was late getting home from work. Like my word wasn't good enough.

34. One night he left me and our daughter at the ER when she had the flu and a fever of 104.1 and we had to take a cab home. The next day he still wasn't home so I had to put her in the stroller and walk in the freezing cold and wind down the side of a busy street with no sidewalks (while I was pregnant) just to go get her prescriptions. I bought her a stuffed unicorn that day, when I couldn't really afford to, just because I loved the smile it put on her sick little face. Then when he finally showed up at home around 2pm, he had spent all of our rent money partying with his boys. She still has that unicorn and it reminds me of that day every time I see it.

35. I'm not going to talk about him anymore. I prefer to have amnesia regarding that chunk of my life.

36. I sold weed for a little while when I was 16... and worked a regular job. I don't know what I was thinking.

37. Every friend I have ever made and considered a real friend, is still in my life. We may not talk often, but no love is lost. We can go months without talking but when we do, it's just like old times. I treat my friends like they're my sisters.

38. I will do anything for anyone that I'm capable of. If I don't have the answer or solution myself, I will find a way.

39. I'm probably one of the most trustworthy people you will ever meet. I can sit here with a clear conscience when I say: I have never betrayed anyone. EVER.

40. I'm VERY good at reading people.

41. I worked in the auto insurance field for four years. Investigating accidents, statements, evidence, tracking down hit and run drivers etc... Combine that with all the Law & Order and CSI episodes I've seen and I make a damn good detective lol. If you can get one over on me, congratulations.

42. I write poetry. I will share some on here from time to time starting in the near future.

43. I'm also working on a book. I don't have a set date as to when I'd like to have it finished. I just add to the last thing I wrote whenever the mood strikes me. I think I need to focus on it a little more :-/

44. I'm not a very religious person but I have my children say this every night before bed: "We pray for love, health, happiness, and success for our family and friends, amen." I think if anything, those are the four things you should wish upon your loved ones, no matter what you do or do not believe in.

45. I also teach my daughter a new word every night after I tuck her in. And tell her what it means. If I forget to, she will remind me lol.

46. If I have a really bad day, I go into my kids' rooms and watch them sleep. It always makes me forget whatever is bothering me.

47. I appreciate my man. He isn't perfect, but who is? Shit I know I'm not lol. He has disappointed me in the past but when I notice the changes he's made over the years, it makes me feel good that I'm worth the effort. I never had that before.

48. I take life one day at a time. I do my best not to worry or stress over things out of my control. Because when you do that, and nothing bad happens, you have worried for nothing. And if something does happen, well you just end up having to worry twice.

49. Like I said, I'm not a very religious person but I've recently started praying at night. I just want to clear the burdens of the day off my soul, put that energy out there and lay down with a clear mind. No matter what's going on in life, I always feel blessed to have made it through another day. And I don't want go to sleep ungrateful for that by worrying about things that I know will be okay in due time anyway, especially knowing there are people with problems worse than mine.

50. My favorite quote is: "Life is what you make it." because it's the truth. Alot of times people (myself included) don't even realize that they are standing in their own way. Gotta work on that one.

Okay all done, I just wanted to give my followers/lurkers some history and personal info about myself for once.

P.S. If you actually read 1-50 all the way through, thank you :) I know that was a whooole lot of shit lol.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

*dooooby dooooby dooooo...*

oh sorry. thats what i sing out loud to myself when im bored lol.

so let's see.... what can i talk about?

i guess i feel like talking about marriage because i just got off the phone with a dear friend of mine and i love her but she just makes me feel some kinda way sometimes. like she is so pressed to get married, she puts deadlines on her love life and it just bothers me. like "if he hasn't done this and that by such and such a time, i'm done with it. i wanna see if i can have kids or not and my time is too precious to waste."

okay but at the same time, if you don't give someone a fighting chance because they gotta operate on your timeline and it's rushed or forced, it won't last. and isn't that time wasted too?

i really think that marriage is overrated these days. it's like people don't know what it really means anymore. that shit means FOREVER bitch.

FOREVERRRRR. and ever.

honestly, i could care less if i ever get married. my main goal to achieve in a relationship is to just be happy. period. now dont get me wrong, i'm not refusing to consider marriage or rejecting the idea of it altogether. i'm just saying that it's not that serious to me. i mean it's just some rings, a legal document and a ceremony. and then what? i mean really. what's changed? you love eachother more now because you have your relationship in a contract?

okay let me break this down from my point of view.

i understand the "concept" of marriage. you love me, i love you. i can't see me with anybody else (which isnt even always the case, smh...) and i want to give you this ring as a symbol of my appreciation for your love and tell you in front of all our family and friends. and give you my last name... and sign this paperwork.

im fine and mufuckin dandy with all of that... except the last part. paperwork. what the hell is that necessary for? except changing of the last name, which some feel offers up some type of claim or validation. okay i understand that to a certain extent. BUT what i don't understand is WHY is marriage such a big deal? because history and the bible tell us that's what we are "supposed to do" when we truly love someone?

so people just be all in love and shit and then rush to the altar. then a couple years later realize "damn this mufucka really gets on my nerves." and get a divorce.

or a man who isn't capable of being faithful asks his #1 to marry him to make her feel "special." awwww aint that cute how you fuck bitches on the side but it's okay because "i got the ring bitch." (how many times have we heard that one?) well good for you dummy! congratulations! you are the one he loves MOST. but doesn't that ring mean you are supposed to be the ONLY?

okay let me be fair here... OR the unfaithful trifling bitch who accepts the ring, knowing damn well she doesn't deserve it. end up on maury pulling up a chair holding his hand talkin bout "you know i love you right?" smh...

OR the gold-diggin bitch. who when she sees the ring her immediate thought is *cha-ching!*

OR the sucker for love ass man who proposes JUST so no other man can snatch his lady up. fools.

i could go on and on... but i won't. all im trying to say is most people these days take marriage too lightly. divorce rates are high as hell. because some people dont understand it's meant to be PERMANENT. because that's what marriage is. the rest of life. and just as quick as you can sign a piece of paper to commit to "the rest of my life with you baby," you can sign another piece of paper saying "oops my bad, i meant until i got sick of your shit." and get a divorce.

i just dont see the sense in legalizing love. atleast not within the first 5 years of being in a committed relationship AND being over the age of 25. that should be like a free trial period. bond. learn eachother's faults. live together. share hard times. share happy times. meet the family. see if you are capable of growing with that person. figure out if you can handle eachother's faults. laugh together. cry together. oh yeah and have sex. fuck that waiting til marriage shit. it's 2009... you better test drive that car before you sign the title and drive off the lot because if you end up with some crap you're stuck... for the rest of your life. and we all know how frustrating car repairs can be, catch my drift?

then again, who waits til marriage anymore anyways? ha!

before i go let me just state that i am not a marriage hater. i wish the best for married folks, it's a beautiful thing to have found your "other half" and love of your life and all that. my feelings are just that it's not valued the way it was intended to be as much anymore. and people get out of it too easily nowadays. married 2 years (or less!), decide you made a mistake and then sign divorce papers. like how REAL could the love have been if it's that easy to say fuck it? it just bothers me when people put the goal of marriage before the goal of happiness. if you strive for happiness and attain it, ride that out for a good while to make sure it has longevity. fuck marriage until you have that in order FIRST.

like i've been with my man for 3 years now. ups & downs. highs and lows. tears and laughter. hard times, easy times. challenges and triumphs, all that shit. and i dont care how high on cloud 9 i am... 3 years is NOT enough time to know if someone is who you should spend the REST OF YOUR LIFE with. i tried to tell my friend this because she's been involved with her man for even less time than me and mine. and she's all "no, he should know by now if he wants to be married and start a family by now." saying this while SHE isn't even ready to start a family her damn self. so what's the rush then?

i asked her "why do you want to be married?"

her: "because that's what i want, i want to be married."

me: "okay but WHY? you want to be married just to be married, or do you want to be married because you feel like HE should be your husband?"

her: "because i... i feel like he's the man i should marry... and i'm bout to be 30 i want to see if i can try to have kids before i'm 35 and im not having kids unless im married."

me: "oh okay just checkin. cuz actually that shoulda been your response the first time. i suggest you stop thinking so hard and relax cuz you're gettin ahead of yourself. you can't rush that. and aren't you the one who always says "if God blesses me with a child then it's meant to be but if not, then that's His plan..." so why are you trying to script your life?"

her: "you know what... i dont like you. okay so what? okay you're right, okay. okay..."

and THAT my friends... is exactly what im talkin about.

pace your life. you only get ONE time to live it.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Straight Trippin

ok so this is the same place that just decides to hand-write that they are closed on friday the 13th... my lil vietnamese nail/tanning shop okay... so WHAT THE FUCK is this all about?! i mean i come the same time every mufuckin day n now yall talkin bout some damn REX TIME?!! fuck is rex time?! u mean REST? are yall bitches in there taking a nap? i do NOT understand.
unacceptable. smh...
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Friday, May 1, 2009

Well Damn...

im mad these mufuckas took a MARKER and WROTE "friday the 13th closed" on their shit. that aint no damn holiday!
they said fuck that. we aint tryina leave the house that day. LMFAO!
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