I Smile Because...

- i woke up.

- my kids tell me i'm their best friend, and they are mine.

- i'm able to pay rent, on time.

- i have food, hot water, electricity, cable, and internet.

- i go to sleep and wake up next to a man who makes my heart happy.

- my children make Honor Roll and Perfect Attendance every quarter.

- i am currently a straight A student.

- all of my loved ones are healthy.

- i have transportation.

- i am employed.

- i keep my energy centered around positivity, strength, and growth.

- i know how far i've come.

- i know where i'm going.

- there are people who doubt me.

- at the end of the day, why wouldn't i?

:)

I Need a Hero

"Captain Camel Toe Joe is here to Save a Hoe!"

(pic courtesy of @FLACO_757 on twitter, he stays with a wild default and makes me want to give him a whoopin on a daily basis)

Layin Low

there is too much fuckery afoot on these internets for me lately.

gonna leave twitter, facebook, and my blog alone for a while.

enjoy.

BAM!

grades for 2nd quarter have been finalized and i got straight A's! :)

not gonna lie, the first quarter i didn't do so great. started off good but then fumbled a bit. i was going back to school for the first time in 10 years, under a lot of stress, not getting enough sleep, and really just needed to get my time management skills in order. so i made sure for the 2nd quarter (and going forward) to organize my time better. i knew this wasn't going to be easy but anything worth having, is worth the struggle to get it. and i am so thankful to have a man in my life who supports me and cares for my kids so i can go to school. without him, i wouldn't be able to go. it means so much to me that sometimes i feel like i don't know how to thank him enough, that's a big thing to take on responsibility for kids that aren't even yours, atleast to me it is.

thank goodness no class last week, i finally had a significant amount of relaxation time. i started that insanity workout program almost two weeks ago.... omg the shit is NO joke! but if anyone is thinking of doing it, i say DO IT. i have a feeling it will turn out to be some of the best money i've ever spent. my jeans are already getting loose after just 10 days. only thing is you have to really be serious about it and stick with and eat right. all of which were hard for me before. i have tried and failed many times in the past to eat healthier and be active so i can stay in shape... but the brownies and cookie dough won every time. this time i figured "if i order this, i will HAVE to do it because i'll be damned if i waste that much money." i was sitting there lookin hesitant as hell before i clicked that "checkout" button too, like "man... i'm kinda scared of this shit." :-/ i was worried i wouldn't be able to stick to a diet but i learned something when i took the fitness test the first night... i have GOT to eat better. all that test did was let me know how OUT of shape i am! i finished that shit and was like "okay. fuck a brownie. fuck donuts. fuck frappuccinos. fuck cookies and fuck cakes. just fuck all that shit." and so far i've actually stuck to it. i breeze my happy ass right on through the bakery section at the grocery and walk back to the fruit section (by the way i think it's fucked up how they make you walk past cakes and cookies and pastries to get to the fruits and vegetables, it's like a temptation gauntlet lol).

but so far, i FEEL better. i make an effort to get atleast 7 hours of sleep now. lately i've been waking up even before my alarm goes off, which is like unheard of. i really wish i would have had the good sense to be this disciplined a long time ago. it's really not about looking better (well not completely anyway hehe), eating right and exercising seems to put more life in you too. it's hard to explain, it's a good feeling tho. so like i said, anyone thinking about getting the insanity dvd's and whatnot, go for it. it's an investment on your health and body. but i repeat, you must stick with it and stay committed. this mf makes you workout (hard) 6 days a week for 60 days and you have to eat breakfast, a mid-morning snack, lunch, afternoon snack, and dinner & keep track of your calories o_O they do include a meal plan with recipes and calorie calculator to help you out tho.

i miss...

writing poetry. on paper.

i used to write ALL the time. i have notebooks upon notebooks upon notebooks upon loose leaf papers upon random scribbled down thoughts.... just tucked away in my closet. i remember back when it was just me and my kids in my old apartment, after i tucked them in at night i'd go sit in the living room, listen to music, light some candles, zone out... then just write for hours.

i decided to read some of my old stuff... it's funny some of the things i wrote that i forgot about. interesting to see how i've grown...

"thanks"

your attempts to bring me down
only made me stronger
thank you for being a fraud
so i could recognize the real
thank you for making me numb
so i could learn how to feel
thank you for bringing me down
so i could pull myself together
thank you for raining on my picnic
so i could brave the weather
thank you for the manipulation
so i could learn to think for myself
thank you for crushing my soul
so i could nurse it back to health
thank you for the drama
so i could appreciate the silence
thank you for making me a momma
and goodbye violence.

or how i've remained the same...

"love of my life"

the moment we met
i felt it in my heart
we're in this til the end
nothing can keep us apart
and i know that's true
because i love you so much
i almost cry holding you
at the thought of losing your touch
you mean the world to me
your smile and your eyes...
when you look at me
and put your hand in mine
you make me forget my problems
and bring me to a happy place
even when we struggle
you put a smile on my face
anything you need
i won't rest until it's yours
i'll drop to my knees
and pray until they're sore
your happiness means more than my own
because you are my children
my flesh, my blood, my home.
my life.
i solemnly swear
to never neglect you
i'll always be here
to love and protect you.

amen.


every day.

Are We Raising Men or Mice?

(shame on me for having this saved in my drafts for like a week even though it's already been posted on O Hell Nawl .... yeah i plugged myself a lil bit. sue me :) but also please check em out if you haven't already. i love that site, it's one of my faves and i appreciate the opportunity to share my thoughts there. anyways.... enjoy.)

"The way for a young man to rise is to improve himself in every way he can, never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him." - Abraham Lincoln


Hello good people. I'd like to speak on single mothers raising their sons in today's society. First let me make it clear that a woman cannot teach a boy how to be a man. We don't have a penis, we're not qualified. Point blank, period. The best we can do is teach our sons how to be good PEOPLE and hope that we have instilled enough respect and responsibility in them to produce a good man.

I often hear a lot of "My son will never act like this or my son will never do that." Which is a good thing, don't get me wrong, nobody wants to raise a disrespectful son who ain't about shit. But... my fellow Moms, please keep in mind it's not our job to turn our sons into the opposite of a man who has betrayed or failed us in life. It is a mother's job to teach, protect, and be a source of strength. Don't be so preoccupied in your mind about NOT raising an "ain't shit" man that you misguide your son into worshipping everything with a vagina. If you have a daughter, would you not tell her to be cautious in dealing with men? Of course you would, and probably fairly early. So let's not forget to protect our sons too. I always say: every man with a penis is not a dog, and every female with a vagina is not a lady (hence, bitches).

How can you feel like this?:

and hope to raise a son properly?

You can't. My sons are young (5 and 6) but once they become of age, you better believe I will equip them with the knowledge on how to recognize a scalywag. I'm not gonna have my sons being some sucka for love ass chumps giving their heart and undivided attention to just anything with a fat ass and pretty smile. Yes, teach your sons how to be respectful, courteous, have manners and be gentlemen, etc. Just know that like every man isn't worthy of your all, nor is every female worthy of a man's all (and ironically, these were probably the little girls whose mothers "best advice" once upon a time was telling them that men ain't shit. smh). When boys start to like girls, it's exciting but intimidating for them, fear of rejection can be a muthafucka. Keep that in mind, teach confidence as well as respectfulness. A man needs to know his worth too.

"If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart." - Nelson Mandela

Some women push their experiences off onto their sons and give them the burden of proving themselves to females without even realizing it, although their intentions may feel good- they are misguided. Teach him for his sake, not for the sake of womankind. As long as there are Nicki Minaj's and "barbies" out here, some women will do a fine job setting themselves back on their own, without a man's help. If ALL a little boy is ever told is that girls are precious and special and should be treated with care and tenderness, he's gonna get played for a fool some day, guaranteed. Hell he may get played anyway, but atleast let him know that's a possibility so he's better prepared to deal with it. Not have him out here blindsided like "Damn I thought girls were made of sunshine n gum drops n shit, thanks a lot Mom." (*backfire*)

And if you have a daughter, pleeeeeease don't plant in her head that all men are not to be trusted and they will hurt you. There are men out here who were raised right but they'll never get the time of day if they're treated like the usual suspects. Just keep her up on game for whenever a man does try to pull a fast one, she can be like "nuh uh." Also an even bigger PLEASE to mothers who have a worthless man in their life, do NOT allow your child to EVER see you accept less than your worth. Fuck what your heart feels (go 'head with that Melanie Fiona "but i love this mannnn" bullshit), your child(ren)'s best interest comes before anything. ANYTHING.

"Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; and nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude." - Thomas Jefferson

It is so critical to provide knowledge to your children on as many aspects of life as you can, in case you haven't noticed, the world is only getting crazier. And don't forget to lead by example, practice what you preach because simply talking a good one isn't good enough.

Anyone care to share their experience/two cents on being a single mother? Or any men who were raised by a single mother and how you feel it had an effect on your life? Advice from fathers for single mothers?

Oh wait. Before I drop the mic and get down off my soapbox, I'd like to shout out Slaus, Minista, and D'Mario for being good fathers, and all the rest of the fathers who are active in their child's life and upbringing- not just paying that child support and calling it a day *side eye*. Also to the men out there who are in a relationship with a woman who has children and help her hold it down, yall are appreciated too! ;)

P.S. Be sure to tackle your sons or body slam them on the couch for no reason from time to time, rough em up. It's good for their soul :)