Merry Christmas Hoe

i went to the grocery store this morning and grabbed a few things to share with the office today.

- muffins

- fruit

- cookies

- orange juice

shit like that.

well the little korean office manager lady says to me "oh how nice! you mind if i take a one pack of oran jews fo geeft?"

me: "gift for... who?"

her: "oh here. in de office. we goeeng to do raffle, deese can be fo someone to win as prize."

and just takes the shit out of the break room. okay i brought in 3 six-packs and most people drink coffee anyway but i was still o_O

fast forward to the end of the day. my turn to play the raffle game, which i dont even have the energy to explain the ridiculous way they went about leading you to your "magic number" for your corresponding gift.

well i ended up at #10

which was this:

im like okay cool. i cant read any of these korean characters but its a gift set of some sort.

chocolates?

dishes?

smell goods perhaps?

nope.

i opened the box and............................

thats right yall see that six pack of tropicana ORAN JEWS! i won my own muthafuckin juice back!

aint that a bitch.

now *vanna white hand motion* i ALSO received a calendar from the korean bank we do business with, a pack of copy paper (from our stock room), deck of cards (also in korean, of course), some chocolates (which i really aint mad at), but what you don't see here is 4 packs of this:

"and what the fuck is that bella?" you may ask... well my friend, it's seaweed.

yes.fucking.SEAWEED.

and the reason it is not in that picture is because i promptly gave that shit away to someone who actually eats it. see korean folks wrap their rice in this dry seaweed. sorry but im not eating shit that grows in spongebob's front yard. call me an ignorant, ungrateful, uncultured, asshole if you want. i dont give a single solitary fuck. this just isn't something that belongs in a "gift set" for christmas or any other occasion.

i need answers.

first i need to know what made her look at my orange juice and think "ooowhee now that's a nice gift, i just know someone had vitamin C on their wish list!"

and i need to know how a ream of copy paper got involved in these shennanigans.

i would also like someone to tell me what game of cards i'm supposed to play with a deck i can't even comprehend.

um the calendar, fuck it.

and the seaweed.... i just can't.

well, merry christmas yall!!

i'll be hitting the road for virginia beach EARLY tomorrow morning to spend christmas time with my family, i hope you all have a safe and lovely holiday :)