Sunday, July 19, 2009

Get Ya Mind Rite

Is it just me or does anyone else feel bothered when a chick breaks up or goes through a bad experience with a man and they say "men ain't shit." or "fuck men" or some other mess? Some bitches don't even realize they may actually be to blame for their sudden singleness. And I'm not talking about all women or about every break-up, I'm just sayin. Like if you keep finding yourself in the SAME ol' situation with men, maybe it's not them. MAYBE it's YOU.

For example I took a poll on twitter and posed the question, "Fellas, let's say you're feelin a chick... then she does something to turn you off. Something that makes you change your mind about taking things further, what would some of those things be?"

I'm going to post the responses and then add my own commentary. Okay here we go:

- "Koolaid colour hair/ potty azz mowf / working a job rather than a career / trout mouth bunch of girls"

(basically be a lady. and listen, if you're gonna knock a man for his profession, please make sure you have yours in order first.)

- "you know what I hate is when they get mad cuz we not spending enough "time" like I'm busy Im not even wit other gurls, just busy. this new level of selfishness I'm so unfamilar with it, like if I like u we gone chill relax! Why we gotta be together EVERY minute?"

(YES! ladies, FALL BACK. don't smother a man. if you're curious or concerned with his every movement- you have issues.)

- "oh yeah I dislike a woman who is involved but dresses like she is single. you can be sexy without having your tits and thong showing all the time, are they that desperate for attention??"

(I'm inclined to slightly disagree with this one because I don't condone a man regulating his woman's attire. BUT at the same time I do feel you can achieve a sexy look without lookin like you're about to be next on the pole.)

- "What up Bella, Some women tend to treat all men the same, and I cant stand that ish. If the last two men you dated were clowns and treated you bad, don't automatically think I will do the same."

(this is THE BIGGEST mistake I think females make. this must be stopped. you are standing in your own way when you convince yourself that all men are the same. I'm not sayin trust a man openly from jump, not at all. but ATLEAST give them the benefit of the doubt. there is a difference between "proceeding with caution" and "expecting disaster." always proceed with caution until someone's actions make you comfortable enough to let your guard down little by little. but do NOT think everything with a penis is out to ruin your life. let's say you're reading a book and halfway through you're like "ok, this story is going nowhere." but yo ass keeps on reading anyway then get mad n suck your teeth at the end when you wind up disappointed. YO FAULT! shoulda put that shit down when you noticed it was wack. but that's not gonna stop you from reading another book is it? no. you just need to choose a different author or title- SOMETHING. don't blame all the books in the world, that would be just silly now wouldn't it?)

- a female with no confidence

(if you don't believe in yourself, how is anyone else supposed to take you serious?)

- "too demanding, too needy, lazy, one who likes to plan too much and doesnt go with the flow of things."

(1. a man owes you nothing simply because he is a man and you are a woman. you either deserve to be treated a certain way, or you don't. but that's up to him and it depends on how you carry yourself. 2. needy= nagging and nagging= "fuck this shit, im out." 3. nobody likes a lazy bitch. period. 4. take shit one day at a time. ESPECIALLY if it's the beginning. don't try to be up under his ass all the time. and don't talk about serious shit too soon. you will scare that muthafucka OFF.)

- "for me the most annoying thing is a girl who is overly clingy or needy, yet untrusting. like they want u to call 3x a day but if that doesnt go down then they assume the worst and dude is always working to prove something."

(there goes that needy shit again, see? it really is annoying. but if a man does it to you, he's all kindsa bugaboos and punks tho. riiiight? smh. and also the treating a man like a suspect shit is for the birds. unless that man has actually given you a VALID reason to be suspicious, calm the fuck down.)

- "I dunno that's a difficult one cuz u want attitude but then u don't want no stank attitude and u don't want super friendly."

(exactly. lol you have to have a healthy medium in your behavior. you can't be actin funky ALL the time but you also can't be all chipper ALL the time either. one thing that really pisses me off is when a female is rude to a man who approaches her respectfully. if you're not interested then politely decline. no need to screw your face up at a man just because he asks you how you're doing or compliments your smile. now if they get disrespectful, go head n be stank. shit i do. or if they don't go on about their way after you politely decline, then do what ya gotta do. this was kinda off topic but i felt the need to bring it up because sometimes you lil stankin bitches are throwin shade at a decent man for no reason. it takes some men alot to gather the nerve to approach you, be a lady about it.)

- "chicks who dont read, or chicks who ONLY read fashion magazines and Zane novels."

(knowledge is power.)

- "perpetually negative chicks..never have anything positive to say about anything."

(ugh. i don't even like to have FRIENDS like this. let alone be in a relationship with someone negative. you can be in a good mood and here they come to smash it to pieces with their complaining and depressing bullshit. negative energy is NOT attractive.)

- "chronic bad breath. I dont give a fuck how hot you are... it's unacceptable."

(nuff said. all the shit out these days... listerine, colgate, tongue scrapers, etc. there really is no excuse for it.)

- "Ugly feet... an absolute deal breaker."

(this may sound finicky, but a woman's feet really do tell alot about how she takes care of herself. you can't help the shape or size of the feet you were born with. but you CAN keep them shits lotioned up, nails clipped and toes painted. very simple.)

- "wear a sleep scarf outside, or some dirty ass bandana u use to wrap your hair outside...unless you're a pirate... NEGATIVE."

(this is just a part of caring about your appearance. SOMETIMES tho if you have to make a quick run to the corner store, i say do you. shit it just be like that sometimes. but like to the mall or general public place, nuh uh.)

- "mistreat your kids...GONE."

(there's really nothing left to say further. because i'll go on all day about how you ain't shit if you are flyer than your children or if you think hot dogs and doritos qualifies as a hot meal... okay i'm shutting up now *lips zipped*)

- "in a big ass rush to meet my (child)... uh-uh."

(um yeah. as a mother, i feel this. dealing with children is a delicate thing. you don't want to confuse them or get them too comfortable/ familiar with a person who has yet to be determined a constant/consistent person in their life. so ladies, no matter how cute you think babies/children are- don't press a man to meet his kids too soon.)

- "needy, clingy, and all around nagging... SEE YA!"

(yall should get the point by now)

- "forget your role... ADIOS."

(some chicks tend to mistake "girlfriend" for "wife" or even worse is when you are in the "just kickin it" stage and you start to prematurely assert yourself as the girlfriend? oh no ma'am. not gonna work. basically, don't you ever get too comfortable. unless you become the wife. understand?)

There are a couple other things I'd like to mention. I'm suprised none of the guys mentioned golddigging. That shit is shameful to me. Like if you look at a man as a meal ticket or a means to pay your bills, then don't get mad if all he looks at you as is a piece of ass, and treats you as such. It's 2009 ladies, DO FOR YOU.

Also I find it ironic how chicks who say "men ain't shit." are so quick to fall right back into that cycle. Like if based on your experiences, you've been disappointed more often then not... then stay on your toes damn it! If you notice the next man doing anything similar to a previous, where the situation ended badly, then don't make the mistake of staying longer than you should. I had to learn the hard way to stop starting people off with a high rank in my eyes. Nah muthafucka, starting from day one, you are a ZERO and you must WORK your way up. I will look at all of your initial attempts to impress me as "new shit." Shit you do when something is new and you want to give a good impression. Now if that "new shit" can be kept up for an extended length of time, then you move up a notch. You will be FAR less disappointed if you operate that way, trust me. You can weed out an "aint shit" muthafucka real quick. Never second-guess your better judgment or your gut instinct. I'm not saying immediately act upon it, but just make a mental note then sit back and observe. Keep in mind, he SHOULD be looking at you the same way, because how well do you know someone at first anyway? So don't get mad or offended if you don't get some "red carpet" treatment right away. Don't forget there are bitches out here that ain't shit either.

Well, my dinner is done cooking and I have a man and children to feed so I gots to go. In the meantime, I will just leave yall with that food for thought. Let it digest.


♥ Bella

p.s. shout outs to @urbanledjen, @slaus, @OpusDei24, @divashoefetish, @blackroosters, @Only1KJ, @BronxBomberKB, @jamesofctpmag for their participation in my lil survey, preciate it! (if you're not on twitter you won't understand why the @ symbols are involved in my shout out, sorry lol)


NINA said...




Epitome said...

*three snaps in an isoceles triangle n shit*

Even though its hard to not generalize and say "all men ain't shit"'s not all men...might have just been the one you were dealing with...and if all you getting is "ain't shit" men....maybe it's your "ain't shit" pussy that's attracting them lol

Bella said...

lol i KNEW u would say that! some day nina, some day i promise :)

and yes we gotta keep a postitive outlook on shit cuz if u don't, it will only leave room for some negative energy to sneak in n we cant be havin that lol

and p.s. you already know i did that for a reason LOL!

Bella said...

@epitome: LMAO! thank u :) but yeah that could be another reason. step yo P game up! hahahaha

Unknown said...

I love how you broke everything down and added your commentary. Girl you should write your own book and I'll be the first in line to get a copy.

You're soooo positive. Sometimes it's hard to be you know. I'm notorious for expecting disasters. I have the imagination of freakin walt disney. Working on it thought! Keep these posts coming! xoxo

Bella said...

@sheena: thanks mama! i have actually started writing a book, i just havent added to it in... too long :(

and yes stay positive! sometimes ur mind can be ur own worst enemy, ur imagination is just that: your imagination. try not to let ur mind get the best of u :)

Krissy said...

I hope a bunch of broads don't come in here co-signing on some bullshit when this is all shit they do on a regular. I love to hear/see a man's P.O.V on how they feel and view relationships. And although I love that, I know that men get on this high horse about what they do and don't like a woman to do or be like when a lot of the problem in most relationships tend to be the man. Women didn't get the way they are on their own. Their behavior is learned. And women learn their behaviors by experience. And experience dictates certain attitudes. So as a woman, I can't sit here and co-sign a bunch of shit because it looks good. Women just need to figure out who they are. Love that person and figure out what they will and will not accept from a man. And don't settle for anything less than what they deserve. That's the problem. Women settle. And settling has proven to produce "aint shit" situations and outcomes. But the biggest thing is, don't put urself in a new situation with a man until you are fully over the last situation. If u are still holding on to past anything with an ex lover, then moving on to the next isn't a good idea for the next man or you.

Bella said...

@krissy: "I know that men get on this high horse about what they do and don't like a woman to do or be like when a lot of the problem in most relationships tend to be the man."

but women do the same re: the "high horse" both parties are guilty of it at times. and i disagree that alot of problems in most relationships tend to be the man. women just complain about it more, so it seems that way. we are emotional creatures and when we get hurt or disappointed, we tell everyone, we talk shit, we cry on ppl's shoulders, etc. whereas most men won't display their emotions on being hurt over a female because they dont wanna look soft or like a punk, so they deal w/their emotions in private. trust me, men and women can hurt eachother just the same.

but like you said it's all about settling. i agree that's a problem. i feel like if someone stays when they feel like they should leave, but they're too afraid to, then it's their fault if their relationship goes bad because they shoulda left. this is a lesson lesson i learned the hard way.

and i also agree 100% w/ gettin over someone before u move onto the next, i think that's very important.

Krissy said...

I have to disagree that men don't vent and talk bad about a broad who hurt them or whatever the case may be. They do it to with other men and they do it with close female friends and I know a lot of this from experience. I have a bunch of male friends who hold not a single tongue when it comes to complaining about a woman. And while with my male friends, I agree with them often. I also find myself wondering why they are complaining when a lot of the problem in their relationships is caused by them. Some shit they've done and expect their women not to react negatively. It's all cause an affect really. {"because you did this this, it affect me in blah blah ways"). Now I know there are some broads who just don't know how to be happy and to them I say, Sucks for you! Sabotaging every relationship is not a good look and it won't help you emotionally and will most definitely leave you single evermore.

I just disagree with the "all men are dogs" mentality because trust and believe ALL MEN aren't the same. I've run across some dogs but I've also run across some gentlemen but it's all about who I'll accept in my life and for myself. I don't settle for less and I think that's what people in general should life by.

Gem said...

If the ugly feet one wasn't Minista, butter my butt and call me a biscuit!

"wear a sleep scarf outside, or some dirty ass bandana u use to wrap your hair outside...unless you're a pirate... NEGATIVE."

So what if she WAS a pirate? Nobody would have ANY questions at all? Just a female pirate walking around, doing everyday things?

Bella said...

@krissy: i know what u mean, im not saying men DONT hurt or talk about a female. im just sayin females do it MORE and are a more dramatic about it lol. thats all. but yeah i agree with all the points u made. that sometimes a man will cheat or do something stupid n then be hurt when the girl leaves, like hello? YOU did that. dummy lol

@gem: ha! you can thank minista for the ugly feet AND The pirate remark. u know he be into some ol' other shit lmao

Nikki said...

We can let this digest and regurgitate it, and everyone will have their own interpretation of what they got going on in their relationships... True as some men and I say SOME for a reason may be because it is out of the horses.. aka men's mouths. I wouldn't dare call a man a dog. Dog's are actually loyal.*lol* Anyway, I agree we need to look within if we find ourselves in the same situations, because usually you know BS when you see, smell or step in it. Whether you choose to deal with it or not is entirely up to you. Too often dudes take it upon themselves to make the choice for the woman to deal with his bullshit... that's when the questioning, clingy stuuf, and nagging begins. Women are not dolls in boxes you choose to take down and play with when you're ready. If you wanna do your thing, that is all to the goodie, but don't get mad when she's doing her thing too, or try to act like ya'll exclusive and got her waiting at home while you're doing your thing. I feel a mutual level of respect keeps both parties from getting their wired crossed. Which for some reason men always seem to lack. Don't get me wrong, females do it too, but men are the main problem in the relationship. (And as Kelis gracefully put it.. it takes two to tango when cheating- Blame them hoes that knew about you and still decided to mess with him.. and his ass for allowing it) Sorry, that's just how goes it. What most fucked off relationships are missing is that one key point: COMMUNICATION. Period. When you say exactly what you mean, and your actions say the same- there is no room for misunderstandings. Don't sleep with a dude on the first night and not expect him to think you do it often. Don't tell the girl you don't want nothing serious, then wanna hang all up under her, worried about how many numbers she got, or who she fukkin'... IOW- If you didn't want nothing serious, don't front like you do (verbally or non verbally) If your ass ain't gonna show up til 5pm... say so don't tell my ass 2 and have me waiting on you. If you wanna see other people... say so- so she's am not missing out on Ruth Chris with someone who CAN afford though I can take myself.. i'm just sayin'... yet again waiting on your ass. Whether they want to admit it or not, they know you can almost ALWAYS do better than them, because womens options are always more than mens(and they hate that shit because they are trying to pick and choose and compare at ALL times...).... unless his ass look like Halle Berry or some shit.