she get it from her mama... maybe?

this morning my man says "babe come here for a minute, i wanna show you something."

so i go into the computer room and he's like "for some reason, i think this was you when you were little." and starts laughing then plays this video for me... from thisis50.com of all places lol



okay now on one hand im like "damn she gettin it aint she?" but there's a lil part of me saying "why and how she learn to whine her hips up like that?" lol i dont know... to me it looks more like she's having fun instead of tryina be sexy. overall im just baffled that a lil blonde chick is doing all of this lol. it appears from the youtube page that this is possibly in spain, i think the language describing the video looks like portuguese- but im no expert *shrugs*

but i say go head lil jessica (just because she's not my child and i know a couple grown-ups who could take a step or two from her lol)

what say you?

Who Are You?

so i've been talkin to myself alot lately, in my head. kinda cursing myself out actually.

i feel like i've gone off track. i feel like im running in place. been working a job i cant stand for two years, living check to check. even tho its due to extenuating circumstances, which i will get into at another time (long story), but i dont feel like im accomplishing anything. i dont feel like im on the right path. i feel like i need to do more, i WANT to do more. i want more for my children. i want them to have and experience things i never did. i moved out of my hometown for a reason and i need to remind myself of that more often.

before i got in the shower last nite i looked in the mirror and thought to myself, "who are you? and what are you doing?"
honestly, i didnt really come up with much.

yeah i work, my bills are paid- maybe not on time- but atleast paid in full, my kids are fed well and all of that. but i coulda done all this back home. so what exactly am i doing? why move to a city with all these opportunities and not take advantage of it? why do the SAME thing over and over every day? i dont HAVE to. and im not going to. not anymore.

from now on, im going to use my time more productively. i can sit here and complain about shit all i want but if im not taking any initiative towards changing things, then all im doing is just talkin. and thats not me. i think i've gotten so used to my robotic daily routine that i lost sight of my potential. that i just said "okay so this is my life then." when it really isnt. im not built for nor meant to live check to check. i know we're in a recession but that doesnt mean i cant do my best to swim upstream against it. fuck what all is going on out here, nothing is hopeless and i refuse to be tricked into thinking so.

i CAN do something and i WILL do something. plain and simple. i refuse to let the story of my life be that i worked a 9-5 and retired on a 401K and collected social security- if there's even any left for us when that time comes. i want more from life than that.

i have been standing in my own way by making excuses as to why i can't do something, instead of looking for ways around my obstacles. hope alone won't get me anywhere.

im on a mission now.

Fuck The Radio: 90's Edition

if you don't already know the routine... scroll down a bit and pause the player to the right.

then play this one below and bob your head down memory lane with me.

Create a playlist at MixPod.com

Hoe.

so my man called me a hoe yesterday.

NO not like yall think lol. we were being silly and it kinda slipped out and although most women may have been like "hoe?!" i just immediately burst into laughter.

we had just finished a blunt so i was spraying air freshener and he says, "what are you spraying?"

me: air freshener. duh.

him: light a incense hoe.

his face was priceless! like "oooops!" before he could even get his apology out i was dying laughing like "you just called me a hoe!"

then he started laughing too like "im so sorry, it just slipped out, i didnt mean it like that babe i swear..."

so i waved my hand like "boy stop. i know you were just bein playful, im not mad i promise. you see me laughin rite?"

i just got him back later.

*put my hand down his pants*

"woman, are you molesting me?"

"bitch i might be."

ha!

Fuck The Radio

okay it's friday.

pause my playlist to the right.

play this one below.

fuck your boss.

and fuck the radio.

and that's really all i have to say.

Create a playlist at MixPod.com

(disclaimer: pardon the green lantern intro on schooly D lol thats all stupid mixpod had. but i really wanted it on here so hmph.)

Get Ya Mind Rite

Is it just me or does anyone else feel bothered when a chick breaks up or goes through a bad experience with a man and they say "men ain't shit." or "fuck men" or some other mess? Some bitches don't even realize they may actually be to blame for their sudden singleness. And I'm not talking about all women or about every break-up, I'm just sayin. Like if you keep finding yourself in the SAME ol' situation with men, maybe it's not them. MAYBE it's YOU.

For example I took a poll on twitter and posed the question, "Fellas, let's say you're feelin a chick... then she does something to turn you off. Something that makes you change your mind about taking things further, what would some of those things be?"

I'm going to post the responses and then add my own commentary. Okay here we go:

- "Koolaid colour hair/ potty azz mowf / working a job rather than a career / trout mouth bunch of girls"

(basically be a lady. and listen, if you're gonna knock a man for his profession, please make sure you have yours in order first.)

- "you know what I hate is when they get mad cuz we not spending enough "time" like I'm busy Im not even wit other gurls, just busy. this new level of selfishness I'm so unfamilar with it, like if I like u we gone chill relax! Why we gotta be together EVERY minute?"

(YES! ladies, FALL BACK. don't smother a man. if you're curious or concerned with his every movement- you have issues.)

- "oh yeah I dislike a woman who is involved but dresses like she is single. you can be sexy without having your tits and thong showing all the time, are they that desperate for attention??"

(I'm inclined to slightly disagree with this one because I don't condone a man regulating his woman's attire. BUT at the same time I do feel you can achieve a sexy look without lookin like you're about to be next on the pole.)

- "What up Bella, Some women tend to treat all men the same, and I cant stand that ish. If the last two men you dated were clowns and treated you bad, don't automatically think I will do the same."

(this is THE BIGGEST mistake I think females make. this must be stopped. you are standing in your own way when you convince yourself that all men are the same. I'm not sayin trust a man openly from jump, not at all. but ATLEAST give them the benefit of the doubt. there is a difference between "proceeding with caution" and "expecting disaster." always proceed with caution until someone's actions make you comfortable enough to let your guard down little by little. but do NOT think everything with a penis is out to ruin your life. let's say you're reading a book and halfway through you're like "ok, this story is going nowhere." but yo ass keeps on reading anyway then get mad n suck your teeth at the end when you wind up disappointed. YO FAULT! shoulda put that shit down when you noticed it was wack. but that's not gonna stop you from reading another book is it? no. you just need to choose a different author or title- SOMETHING. don't blame all the books in the world, that would be just silly now wouldn't it?)

- a female with no confidence

(if you don't believe in yourself, how is anyone else supposed to take you serious?)

- "too demanding, too needy, lazy, one who likes to plan too much and doesnt go with the flow of things."

(1. a man owes you nothing simply because he is a man and you are a woman. you either deserve to be treated a certain way, or you don't. but that's up to him and it depends on how you carry yourself. 2. needy= nagging and nagging= "fuck this shit, im out." 3. nobody likes a lazy bitch. period. 4. take shit one day at a time. ESPECIALLY if it's the beginning. don't try to be up under his ass all the time. and don't talk about serious shit too soon. you will scare that muthafucka OFF.)

- "for me the most annoying thing is a girl who is overly clingy or needy, yet untrusting. like they want u to call 3x a day but if that doesnt go down then they assume the worst and dude is always working to prove something."

(there goes that needy shit again, see? it really is annoying. but if a man does it to you, he's all kindsa bugaboos and punks tho. riiiight? smh. and also the treating a man like a suspect shit is for the birds. unless that man has actually given you a VALID reason to be suspicious, calm the fuck down.)

- "I dunno that's a difficult one cuz u want attitude but then u don't want no stank attitude and u don't want super friendly."

(exactly. lol you have to have a healthy medium in your behavior. you can't be actin funky ALL the time but you also can't be all chipper ALL the time either. one thing that really pisses me off is when a female is rude to a man who approaches her respectfully. if you're not interested then politely decline. no need to screw your face up at a man just because he asks you how you're doing or compliments your smile. now if they get disrespectful, go head n be stank. shit i do. or if they don't go on about their way after you politely decline, then do what ya gotta do. this was kinda off topic but i felt the need to bring it up because sometimes you lil stankin bitches are throwin shade at a decent man for no reason. it takes some men alot to gather the nerve to approach you, be a lady about it.)

- "chicks who dont read, or chicks who ONLY read fashion magazines and Zane novels."

(knowledge is power.)

- "perpetually negative chicks..never have anything positive to say about anything."

(ugh. i don't even like to have FRIENDS like this. let alone be in a relationship with someone negative. you can be in a good mood and here they come to smash it to pieces with their complaining and depressing bullshit. negative energy is NOT attractive.)

- "chronic bad breath. I dont give a fuck how hot you are... it's unacceptable."

(nuff said. all the shit out these days... listerine, colgate, tongue scrapers, etc. there really is no excuse for it.)

- "Ugly feet... an absolute deal breaker."

(this may sound finicky, but a woman's feet really do tell alot about how she takes care of herself. you can't help the shape or size of the feet you were born with. but you CAN keep them shits lotioned up, nails clipped and toes painted. very simple.)

- "wear a sleep scarf outside, or some dirty ass bandana u use to wrap your hair outside...unless you're a pirate... NEGATIVE."

(this is just a part of caring about your appearance. SOMETIMES tho if you have to make a quick run to the corner store, i say do you. shit it just be like that sometimes. but like to the mall or general public place, nuh uh.)

- "mistreat your kids...GONE."

(there's really nothing left to say further. because i'll go on all day about how you ain't shit if you are flyer than your children or if you think hot dogs and doritos qualifies as a hot meal... okay i'm shutting up now *lips zipped*)

- "in a big ass rush to meet my (child)... uh-uh."

(um yeah. as a mother, i feel this. dealing with children is a delicate thing. you don't want to confuse them or get them too comfortable/ familiar with a person who has yet to be determined a constant/consistent person in their life. so ladies, no matter how cute you think babies/children are- don't press a man to meet his kids too soon.)


- "needy, clingy, and all around nagging... SEE YA!"

(yall should get the point by now)

- "forget your role... ADIOS."

(some chicks tend to mistake "girlfriend" for "wife" or even worse is when you are in the "just kickin it" stage and you start to prematurely assert yourself as the girlfriend? oh no ma'am. not gonna work. basically, don't you ever get too comfortable. unless you become the wife. understand?)

There are a couple other things I'd like to mention. I'm suprised none of the guys mentioned golddigging. That shit is shameful to me. Like if you look at a man as a meal ticket or a means to pay your bills, then don't get mad if all he looks at you as is a piece of ass, and treats you as such. It's 2009 ladies, DO FOR YOU.

Also I find it ironic how chicks who say "men ain't shit." are so quick to fall right back into that cycle. Like if based on your experiences, you've been disappointed more often then not... then stay on your toes damn it! If you notice the next man doing anything similar to a previous, where the situation ended badly, then don't make the mistake of staying longer than you should. I had to learn the hard way to stop starting people off with a high rank in my eyes. Nah muthafucka, starting from day one, you are a ZERO and you must WORK your way up. I will look at all of your initial attempts to impress me as "new shit." Shit you do when something is new and you want to give a good impression. Now if that "new shit" can be kept up for an extended length of time, then you move up a notch. You will be FAR less disappointed if you operate that way, trust me. You can weed out an "aint shit" muthafucka real quick. Never second-guess your better judgment or your gut instinct. I'm not saying immediately act upon it, but just make a mental note then sit back and observe. Keep in mind, he SHOULD be looking at you the same way, because how well do you know someone at first anyway? So don't get mad or offended if you don't get some "red carpet" treatment right away. Don't forget there are bitches out here that ain't shit either.

Well, my dinner is done cooking and I have a man and children to feed so I gots to go. In the meantime, I will just leave yall with that food for thought. Let it digest.

*smooches*

♥ Bella

p.s. shout outs to @urbanledjen, @slaus, @OpusDei24, @divashoefetish, @blackroosters, @Only1KJ, @BronxBomberKB, @jamesofctpmag for their participation in my lil survey, preciate it! (if you're not on twitter you won't understand why the @ symbols are involved in my shout out, sorry lol)

Amazed

Being a single mother of a little girl is scary. It's cute for the first few years but once you realize she only gets bigger, it gets a little nerve racking. I start to be more careful about what I say and do around her now. Especially since she can spell very well now, I can't be spellin S-E-X no more lol...

But this weekend I saw proof that so far I'm doing pretty damn good raising my daughter.

First, she asked me if she could vacuum the floor. Which is rare for 7 year olds as far as I can tell. She asks to help me cook, she asks to help load the dishwasher, she takes it upon herself to sweep the floor, even when it isn't really necessary. She knows how to make waffles, instant oatmeal, pb&j sandwiches, microwave popcorn, and set the table. All of this I've never had to ask her to do, which makes me feel confident that I'm doing a good job leading by example. Sometimes it isn't what you tell you children, it's what you show them.

Saturday, I was upstairs sorting laundry and she was downstairs vaccuming. After a while I went downstairs and saw this:

she was sitting on the living room floor. the vacuum cleaner was tipped over and she had the bottom of it rested on a paper towel, in her lap. the dirt trap cover was off and there was a screw driver next to her on the floor. she looked at me and said "it wasn't working good. something was stuck in here, i got it out." and pointed to some fur and crumbs on the paper towel. and then asked her little brother for the screws she gave him to hold, and screwed it back together.

I was in awe. She had taken this thing apart by herself! Didn't even call my name to tell me something was wrong with the vacuum cleaner. Didn't even ask me where the screwdriver was or how to use it or anything (btw she's 7 yrs old). I've done this to the vacuum cleaner myself a few times, I just never realized she was paying me any mind when I did it. I was sooo proud of her at that moment.

I snuck a video of her putting the piece back on.



And I love how you can hear my youngest son in the background say to her "good job talia." as my other son sits there holding the screws for her. Teamwork baby. (sidenote: later on this same day my sons were cleaning their room and I overheard them singing "teamwork! cuz thats how it works! teamwork! cuz thats how we roll!" (*dead*) I have no idea where they come up with this stuff! LMAO)
So even though I get nervous about parenting as I go along, this just made me feel like so far I have nothing to worry about... like I'm doing just fine. I told her I was proud of her & that she was so smart and she smiled so hard her eyes almost closed lol. I think I did the same.
She also likes to act a fool (don't know where she gets it from tho *looks around innocently*)

I ♥ my babies.