Sometimes I Feel Like...

i don't feel like me anymore
my fight is fading
and my heart is heavy
even tho i feel empty
it seems every day is the same
and i just go thru the motions
struggling to stay sane
trying to stay focused
i want to be hopeful
but i feel so hopeless
so many ambitions
but no means to obtain
every time i see light
a door slams in my face
like everything i want
is on display behind glass
"you can look but you can't touch."
and i'm tired of being trapped
sick of being stuck
frustration taking over my sanity
because my dreams move faster than reality
i want to reach for so many things
but so many things keep grabbin me
so i'll just run in place
until i can break free
one of these days
i will be the me i want to be

© bella

catch your breath but never stop running, the finish line may be closer than you think.

and that is all.

3 Things To Remember

take care of your children.

take care of your man.

reward yourself :)

Better Late Than Never (like a period, ha!)

okay so im maaad late with this post. like two weeks late. but what can i say, im late for work every day and only live 5 minutes around the corner. i mean literally 5 minutes, maybe even 4 on a good day lol. i invite people to my kids' parties like "oh it starts at 4:00pm" mufuckas start showin up at 5 and my ass still be doing last minute shit.....smh. i probably get it from my daddy tho so blame him, he was late for his own wedding so um yeah.

alrite a couple weeks ago i had no kids for a whole week. whoa. that hasnt happened to me in like 2 years. it also coincided with the time my man had to go out of town. so i was completely... alone. and free. and i loved every minute of it.

i even went out on a week night until 4am and got my ass up the next morning and went to work like a soldier lol. i also got to go out with my girls that i havent been out with in over 3 years! oh! and i also got a new 'do for the first time in...???... lol here are some random pics...

[please ignore the nut rag hangin on the door. oops.]

[@ niki's before we went out]

[yep. those are real. must be nice. lol]

[guess my arms werent quite as long as i thought when i took this]

[good lord i need a tan]

[loveee] [i love my phone. it does cool stuff.]

[fressshhh]

[and so does ki's. lol]

[see how friends do you when you're drunk staring up at who knows what in waffle house?]

[our server was such a nice lady. thank you... scrappy?]

the spot we went to was... eh. thats really all i have to say about that. but we made the most of it of course :) in our own little world. singing "show me your genitals." over the music... "genitaliaaaa!!" n all that good stuff.

i ended up sleeping on my friend's sofa/chair that night. then the next day, which was a sunday, we went to go see Adventureland. it was just okay to me, dont get me wrong it has its funny moments. my ignorant ass was just hoping for more ignorance from the Superbad boys. oh and notice how i said i slept over my friend's house right? okay so on a sunday afternoon... that hot pink n black outfit is what my ass was strolling around downtown ATL in while 99% of everyone else had on jeans & sneakers. it was kind of a dreary day so i looked just all out of place im sure, cuz i could feel it my damn self lol. like "oh man i just LOOK like the day after the club n shit. what a shame." but whatever. i decided i didnt give a fuck. go figure.

im drawing a blank about the rest of my "time off"... aint that a bitch. i guess thats what happens when u smoke weed n procrastinate on ur bloggin.

oh! in other news, how about my house got robbed tho? yes some lovely person decided it was okay to climb in my window and steal my daughter's lil flat screen tv she got for christmas. along with my boys xbox 360... gosh how nice of them. oh and they took my man's xbox too and a dvd player. and for some odd reason decided they needed to overturn my trash in the kitchen n steal my garbage bag. like what kinda crackhead shit is that? i was sooo mad when i noticed shit was missing and rummaged thru, a light turned on in my head like "oh shit. what if they're still in here?" so i grabbed a mop and a knife from the kitchen n proceeded to yell "yall muthafuckas better hope and PRAY u aint still in my house!!" going room to room, flingin in open closets. slappin the walls n shit. yeah and dont ask me what the mop was for okay? i just felt like i needed it. in case i had to pull a prince hakeem n thrash a mufucka.

and im about 92.8% sure it was my new neighbor's husband. cuz see... some heavy winds knocked a tree onto one of my other neighbor's roof. so there was like 3-4 city trucks out there, a tree shredder and the clean up crew. now correct me if im wrong but even if you're slow, does this look like the best time and place to randomly rob a house?

yes i took this pic as evidence. after i immediately went to the three nearest pawn shops in hopes of catchin a muthafucka tryina pawn my shit. oooh i was so ready! i was on the prowl u hear me? no such luck tho. i aint even bother callin the police til i got back from that mission. plus i had to hide my weed paraphernalia before they got there anyways ;) but u see what i mean? who could walk or drive down that cul de sac (my crib is to the left behind all that green bushery but u cant see it lol) and take shit out of my house in broad daylight without anyone noticing? and the way they got in was thru my back window in the sunroom, which is RIGHT next to the steps to their back door. so according to my calculations: he opened their back door, opened my window, climbed in, thieved my shit, walked out my back door n went right back up the steps into their house. maaan i told yall i be on my law & order shit.

aha! but little do they know i have the key to their crib :) we live in a townhouse and my landlord gave me that key to show the place when it was vacant. so far, there hasn't been a time i could tell that nobody was home. but just you wait. let me see all them mufuckas pile in the car n leave. i will be all up in their shit. watch. *rubs palms together/evil laughter*

well my mouth just started watering for some cookie dough and i think this shit is long enough so *deuces* mwuah!!

Good News!

i'm the type of person who doesn't like to discuss things before they actually unfold into reality so i've never mentioned this before, but a few months ago i applied to be a model for a company (that im not going to name just yet, i'd rather wait until all the paperwork is finalized and im up on their site before i do my shameless plug lmao) and they hit me back today with a contract!

im so excited yall :) i have to meet with them and get my photoshoot scheduled, which by the way i do NOT have to pay for. thats a fairly good indication that you're not about to get fucked over lol.

there is one event already scheduled that i will be a part of. so any of you in the atlanta area, come out to Opera and celebrate the magazine launch (for said company) on 5/14 hosted by Jermaine Dupri.

i will keep yall posted as this thing develops lol

damn i wish i had some liquor to celebrate! well there is that bitch ass nuvo still sittin in my fridge... but i'll be damned... nuh uh. pass.

*smooches!*

Hit the Flo!

okay so today on twitter i mentioned i had the urge to stand up n cabbage patch at my desk for no good reason n then sit my ass back down n continue about my business rite? so... this beeotch Epitome decides she wants me to possibly get fired and says "so u must feel like the kids in this video." with THIS attached.

maaan i had to wait til i got home to watch the rest. my ass was bent over under the desk pretending to fix my pant leg cuz i was about to burst out into laughter. yo that lil boy rite there? KILLED me.
Epitome is also the one to blame for the fact that i will be singing "show me your genitals" until i'm 92 years old.
gracias.
p.s. i have NO gotdamn idea what that twitter box shit is that pops up on my blog, so just X that bitch out when it shows up... smh.

Say Word

blog from phone? yessss mudafucka! im adding a random pic just because its letting me. pardon my complexion. proactiv and i are working to resolve this issue shortly lol.
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Wow.

i was in the kitchen putting groceries away and baby girl comes in and says...


"the word 'hello' has two bad words in it."


"i know baby... wait, two? i only know one. you talkin about 'hell' and what else?"


(she shrugs and looks at the floor)


"baby what other word?"


"if you take away the L..."


"but that would just be 'heo' and that's not a word."


"no, no the letter. the sound."


so i think for a minute...


hello without the "ell" is ho. wtf rite?


so i said "ho?"


she nods her head and i ask her where she heard that word from and how does she know it's bad...


"when you and daddy used to fight, he used to say that to you and you would cry."


she was just 3-4 years old around that time, now she's 7...


WOW.


we need to remember, that kids remember. but you know what else she'll remeber? that i left... and never turned back.

Hello My Darlings!

Haaaay! to my followers/lurkers, old and new :)

I've been on "vacation" from motherhood since last Friday and I've been doing grown folk shit that I don't usually have the time or opportunity for while my kids are with me. So I haven't had much time to go through and read up/ comment on your blogs or reply to comments. But I just wanted to let you know that I do appreciate every one of you for coming thru!

Stay tuned for details of my grown folk shennanigans :)

MWUAH!

What In The Hot Pink Hell...

thats a really pretty bottle isn't it? well guess what? that's ALL the fuck it is! this shit is gay devil's urine. its sassy ass kool-aid. raspberry gingerale on crack. it's a disgrace to the alcohol industry and does not even deserve to be called liquor, oh excuse me "liqueur"... none of that. it should just be called "bitch ass drank" n left at that.

now i expected this to be somewhat fruity, i mean it is pink n all, but i did not expect to take a sip and get downright offended. i slammed the glass down, got up out my chair n started shaking my head like "oh. oh. i dont even believe this shit." my man was like "damn it's that bad?"

yes. hell yes. hell muthafuckin yes.

it tasted like someone put a cup of sugar into some red alize. now listen, i've drank shit and not particularly cared for it before. but then still drank it anyway because i spent my money on it gotdamn it. plus i think wasting alcohol is senseless. but this shit is so bad that i, a single mother of three (in the middle of a recession might i add), am more than willing to forfeit the $21.change i spent on this shit. that bottle will sit in my refrigerator for the rest of its life as a decoration. because that's all it's good for. i feel like nuvo raped my mouth and violated my taste buds.

i have many other things to blog about from my weekend but that will have to wait. i had to look out for your health first. so if you were thinkin about tasting/buying some nuvo....

DO.NOT.

Show Me Your Genitals

okay i snatched this from epitome's blog cuz i just HAD to share the ignance. enjoy!



"you're talkin to me about stuff. why? i'd rather see your titties."

bwahahahahhhh!

hold up, hold up... after posting this ^^^ i googled this fool and...

this mufucka did a reeeeeemmmmixxxx!!



"2+2= vagina"

i cant!!