Okay so pardon me but... I think I'm a pretty damn good specimen of the female species if I may say so myself, and I don't mean as far as appearances go. I mean as far as my mentality and my approach on life, along with my motherly skills.
I want to share some things I've learned over the years because I took on the role of a woman at an early age so I feel I'm qualified enough to speak on it.
As soon as I turned the legal age to work, I've been working non-stop. I've felt "grown" ever since. When I was 16, my stepmother committed suicide and I took on the role as the lady of the house. My brother and sister lived with my mother at the time (I didn't get along with her ignorant ass husband so I started living with my father when I was 15). I made my Dad his coffee in the morning, ironed his shirts, cleaned, cooked dinner, etc. At the same time I was working and going to school. I moved out of the nest on my own free will when I was 17, hadn't even graduated high school yet. I wasn't having any problems at home, nothing like that, I just wanted to be independent. I got into a roommate situation with a co-worker who was a tad bit older than me. We got along real well and she "took me under her wing" I guess you could say. I didn't have any rules and still managed to conduct myself very well. I had to contribute towards rent and bills just like any other roommate would have to. And even though we had lil parties, smoked weed and drank here and there, I never took any of that too far, I never got ridiculous with it, I always stayed focused.
When I was 18, I had 3 jobs. Not for any reason other than I wanted the most money I could possibly have. I loved to shop. But since I was working so much (mon-fri 12pm-4pm at my 1st job, then 5pm-10pm at my 2nd job and my 3rd job was on the weekends) I didn't really have the time to spend the money. But it just felt good to say "I got 3 jobs and I don't need nobody for shit." lol. Not "girl i'ma make this fool buy me some shoes." or "i bet this mufucka pay my phone bill." Fuck that shit.
I had a friend (when we were teenagers) who would cry broke to a man so he would give her money and then she would go buy some *wait for it* bamboo earrings :-/ And I would be like "What the fuck? Bitch don't you need food? And aren't you capable of working?" Why cry broke (literally- she pulled out tears for the man) if you're not even gonna be responsible with the help you get? That was just grimey to me. If a man tried to give me something that I know I don't deserve, I don't want it. If you were in need and I wouldn't feel the urge to look out for you, then I don't even feel comfortable accepting your help. If we are not close, if I'm not feelin you- I don't want a damn thing from you homie. It's just my natural way of thinking and it's gotten me very far I must say. If the only person you depend on is yourself, you can never be disappointed.
Here are some unwritten rules I have engraved in my head for myself:
1. Never depend on a man. I mean if you're in a solid relationship and he wants to help you and you would do the same for him, cool. I think that's called teamwork. But to depend on a man to pay your bills or car note or buy you food is just stupid to me. Eventually he's gonna realize that's all he's of use to you for and bounce. And then what? You gotta scramble to find another fool before the next light bill shows up in the mailbox? Pssshhh... THE FUCK OUTTA HERE. Get some business about yourself and handle your shit like a grown ass woman. I despise opportunistic bums.
2. Trust yourself. If you ask a friend for advice, take it in as such. Don't confuse advice for instructions. What works for them may not be what works for you. They won't have to live with the aftermath of your choice- but you will. Everyone's situation is not the same so they may be speaking on your situation from a different angle, their own. But the only person who has to live your life is YOU. So when making decisions, don't worry about what other people may think or say because it's your life, not theirs. The only exception to this I would say is if you have numerous people telling you the same thing, it's probably not a coinsidence and something you need to seriously evaluate. But in the end of course it is still your decision and only time will tell if you chose wisely.
3. Fail is the F-word to me. I want nothing to do with it. If I set out to do something and commit to doing it, there is no turning back or giving up. I moved out of my hometown in NY in October 2000 when I was 19 years old. And as many times as I've fallen, so to speak, I got my ass back up and kept it movin. I was asked to move back home several times, and I refused. "Oh, just come back here until you can get on your feet and then move back to Atlanta." Kiss my ass. I'll be damned if I ever get even remotely comfortable back home so I can get sucked back in that bitch. HELL NO. My friend even admitted to me last year that when I left, she said to a couple of our mutual friends "She'll be back." and they all were like "Oh yeah we know she will." HA! Negative. I left for a reason, for good. Literally and figuratively. I have children and I will never let them see me fail at shit. I will fight til my knuckles are bloody for their stability and security.
4. Keep a positive attitude. No matter how bad something seems, I guarantee it could be worse. Car accident ahead? Now you stuck in traffic right? Gonna be late for work now? You mad huh? Well maybe somebody in a car ahead of you just lost their life and will never work or see their family again. Be happy you were in that place and time so you weren't a part of the accident. Besides, being mad doesn't make anything move quicker. People need to learn not to stress things out of their control. Worrying is just that: worrying. All you're gonna do is upset yourself. If you think negatively, you will attract negative energy and results. If you remain positive and keep your cool, I promise you will make it through a situation much easier.
I really have more "rules" for myself I'd like to share but this is already long so I'll just do a part two in the near future. Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend!
P.S. I decided today that I want to go to school (yay!) so I'm in the middle of figuring out how I can do that now while juggling everything else in my life so if my investigation leads me to a road in my favor, I will have to make myself scarce on these innanets. I shall keep yall posted on that :)