Untitled

I just wanted to share a random story I was reminded of last night. I saw a tweet about donations to Haiti and it made me think of last week when I was getting the kids ready for school. My oldest son (almost 6) was looking for his $1 for icecream the school has for sale every Friday. My daughter (8) walked up to him and said, "You don't need icecream, it's cold outside anyway. You gonna give your dollar to Haiti." in a demanding tone of voice lol. She is so sweet and silly.

Then that got me to thinking about her and the way she is, and I remembered something else she did when she was even younger, about five, and she just amazes me. We were leaving Wal Mart and in the parking lot she saw a young girl (maybe 10 years old) in a wheelchair (I believe she had Cerebral Paulsy) and my daughter asked me what happened to the girl. I said that I wasn't sure and maybe she was born that way or got into a car accident, and also explained that it's important to never stare or point at people who are different than you because it's rude and might make them feel bad.

her: oooh, okay. how is she going to get in her car?

me: her mommy will pick her up and help her get in there.

her: oh. how does she go to the bathroom?

me: i'm sure her mommy and family help her do that too baby.

her: oh. she's pretty.

me: awww *smile*

her: can i tell her?

me: you sure can baby girl.

So we walked over to the girl in the wheelchair as her mother was getting ready to put her in the van, and my daughter put her hand on the little girl's hand and said "you're beautiful." (melted my damn heart lol)

I'm not sure if the girl understood or not but she seemed to smile, and her mother was like, "Awww wow how sweet! Thank you sweetie." and gave her a little hug and smiled at me and said "She is an angel, bless you." I said "Thank you, so is she *pointed at her daughter* you have a good night." and waved goodbye to the girl.

Something I will never forget. Makes me kind of sad that people don't interact with eachother like decent human beings so much anymore. A little can really go a long way sometimes, you never know how much you can turn someone's day around just by giving them a compliment, or even a smile. And it doesn't even cost you anything.

Try it sometimes :)

Fashion Show Pics (late as hell)

Damn I completely forgot to tell yall (blame twitter) that I was in a fashion show for the first time in November. It was for the Annual Battle of Model and Designers Competition at the World Congress Center in Atlanta. Nothing major but I had fun and learned how to "walk" and "werk" and such.

Here are some pics :)

(pardon the order, I just uploaded them and left it at that lol)

the end.

I enjoyed myself, it was kinda weird getting dressed and undressed in a room full of like 100 people, male and female. Kept making sure to point my booty at a wall when I got undressed. At one point I had to change in the hallway backstage and I was just straight topless in a thong while people were dressing me and people running past me *eeek!* Soooo not accustomed to that type of shit. It was hectic and my feet hurt like a MUTHAFUCKA afterwards (I was there for 10 hours) but like I said, I had a good time. One of the designers I walked for (Jacka- designed the pink print halter dress) won 2nd Place and my Mom drove all the way down from NY to see me :) My Auntie also made a 3 hour drive up from south Georgia. Hoping to do some more in the future, in the meantime I'm in these books and working and getting my Super Mom on!

peace & love.

Deez Nuts

i came to work this morning and this was on my desk

???

so i decided to share a pic of this nonsense with ms. ava dior
me: so i come to work to this on my desk. um thanks for the peanuts? wtf who just gives people a handfull of peanuts on a sheet of paper without asking if they even want any? fuck these nuts.
ava: write 'deez' on the paper just for giggles....

*sends new pic to ava*

and i will be leaving it right here for the rest of the day.

:-P

Reflecting

i'm usually not the mushy type. i put up a barrier around my heart because i felt like to display my raw emotions makes me vulnerable or a sucker. but i really don't feel that way anymore. i didn't realize how tall i built that wall until i noticed how long it took me to take it down, and it's taken a pretty damn long time honestly. i'd get comfortable and take a couple bricks down, get hurt and stack them back up again.

in a few months i will have "been with" my man for 4 years.... i put quotes on "been with" because for a good while we were not in an actual relationship. we were more like best friends with benefits. we kicked it all the time (no, not just for sexin), held eachother down in times of need, got along very well, etc..... and silly me assumed that because i wasn't having sex with anyone else, then he shouldn't either. but it didn't turn out that way. i sensed it sometimes but shrugged it off. eventually i started to care. and then i wanted to know the truth... and the truth hurt. it broke my heart. i realized how much i loved him, i just never wanted to admit it to myself, i ignored that feeling for a long time because i was afraid of it. after the things "love" did to me before, i just didn't want to be love's friend. in the beginning neither of us wanted a relationship anyway. but once my feelings started to change, i pretty much kept that to myself, never verbalized it. never said "i love you." i kept up my hard facade. so i accept part of the blame for the way things went down because it is true that a man will only do what you let him do. a relationship doesn't exist just because one person feels like that's what it is. a relationship exists when two people have a mutual agreement that is what they have, and we never came to that agreement. so i couldn't get mad at him without getting mad at myself too.

after that, i let him know that i'm aware temptations exist and some people can resist them better than others. but at the same time, if he felt like he was missing something or had to get some things out of his system then he was free to do so, but not with me in the mix. that if he was not ready for a commitment, then we could no longer remain as we were. we would have to either part ways as friends or move ahead, in a relationship. and told him to take his time with that decision, don't just tell me what i want to hear. to think about how he really feels and what he wants and just be honest with me because we're both adults. he wiped a tear off my face and said, "i apologize from the bottom of my heart and every bone in my body, i never wanted to hurt you and i'm so sorry i did. i'm human, i made a mistake and i was wrong for that. i don't want anybody else." i accepted his apology and asked him to leave so he could take time to think about things. and he still said that he didn't want anybody else so.....

here we are now (this was over a year ago, before i started this blog). at first "taking him back" was awkward, i had those uneasy thoughts lingering in the back of my mind. suspicious. interrogated him when ever he returned a missed call.... he would get upset and say that if i don't trust him then we shouldn't be together and that it's not fair for me to give him a second chance without actually giving him a second chance. he had a point. so i decided to stop driving myself crazy and relax. it sucks when your mind gets the best of you, it's hard to get a grip. but like i said, he had a point. if you can't trust someone, you shouldn't be with them. and if you decide to forgive someone and move ahead, you can't keep on holding the past against them. so you either need to take a deep breath and proceed with caution, or walk away if you aren't prepared/able to do that. i had do ask myself "is he doing anything wrong now?" and my answer (to the best of my knowledge) was "no."

if anything he was making an effort to do better but i was too occupied with being paranoid that i didn't give him a fair chance to prove he was sincere. and ever since then that's all he's done, we have remained "incident-free" lol. at first i was wondering "yeah okay, how long is this gonna last?" feeling like he was only doing these things because he felt bad and would soon slip up.... but that hasn't happened. and that paranoia i had doesn't even exist anymore, hasn't for quite a while actually. i feel a way i never felt before. i had gotten so used to rebuliding my wall that now when i just have a pile of bricks and nothing to do with them, i'm like what now? i've never gotten to this point with anyone before. all i know is it feels really good.

he keeps an eye on my kids while i go to class. he helps clean up, he cooks from time to time, sometimes even has dinner ready when i walk in the door so i don't have to do anything but make plates. he sings me silly songs, hugs me for no reason, curls up on me at night and squeezes me, smooches my forehead, and gropes me all the time (i like that cuz i'm a pervert). he's helped my sons learn to write their name and read, and he tries to comb my daughter's hair lol. whenever i'm down or frustrated he tells me "don't worry baby, we gon make it through this. i promise everything will be okay." and every morning when he wakes up, he smiles at me with his eyes half open and it makes me feel all soft and bitch-like inside. but i don't care. i'll be that lol. looking back on day one up until now, he has changed so much. some things i honestly thought i'd never see him do or hear him say. i just really appreciate that man. yeah we've been through a lot, but to me that's what makes it more real. it feels like we actually built something. nothing is perfect. and nobody is perfect either. but i do believe there are people who can be perfect for eachother. and it doesn't matter if it makes sense to the rest of the world or not.

all i know is i'm grateful to have someone who can make me feel a way i never knew. the way i deserve to feel.

and just because i feel like a punk now for being all open and lovey dovey-ish, let me say i also love him for (less mushy) things like this:

"oh i meant to tell you, you pooted in your sleep last night... like 3 times. stankin booty girl."

"damn why you get dressed so fast? i wanted to squeeze a titty."

me: *doing homework at the computer*

him: *slaps me on the shoulder with penis and keeps walking*

♥

"

Bad Girl?

Sooo I got asked to cast for Bad Girls Club today.....

my response: I have kids and they need a good role model. So no thanks.

I have never even watched an episode of this show. I've just seen clips of it and heard people talk about it. And that didn't gain my interest, it only deterred it. Just sounds like a bunch of rowdy bitches with no good sense who talk and behave stupidly. Woopty Doo. If I even went on that show I'd wake up, hear some bitches talking outside my room....

and do this

just off GP.

Like "stop talking about stupid shit." and take my ass back to bed. I don't understand the point of this show. Oooo look a buncha bitches done lost their minds. Okay? And I have a daughter. What the hell do I look like going on national tv and making an ass out of myself? I'm tempted to let her watch this shit just to show her how NOT to behave (shout out to the homie Jaila for that idea lol)

I'm sick of all these "reality" shows in general actually.

Flavor of Ray J's Dick.

Jersey Whores.

The Fake World.

etc...

I refuse to donate any of my brain functions towards those shows. I'd rather watch something on the History Channel or National Geographic and learn something than watch bitches chase after "celebrity" penis, or get drunk and fight eachother, or watch people party and fuck carelessly or live in a "real" world that doesn't look a damn thing like the world I live in. I don't know....

Maybe I'm getting old.

Or maybe I'm just getting wiser.

How do you feel about these shows?

Food For Thought

"every man with a penis isn't a dog and every bitch with a vagina isn't a lady." - Bella

that is all.

Haiti Needs Your Help

As we all know, Haiti has been devastated by an earthquake. It amazes me that some people can shrug it off or show lack of concern and justify it by saying, "shit we have our own problems and our own hungry and homeless people to take care of here."

This is true. BUT if you haven't been doing anything to assist in that cause EITHER then what are you complaining for? A majority of people in the U.S. are homeless and hungry because they made some bad decisions in their life and need to get it together. There are the disabled or victims of circumstance, who make up the smaller percentage of homeless people, I'm just saying a MAJORITY of people in that position put themselves there (and I do donate to the Salvation Army and have helped strangers many times in my life, so yes I do care about domestic issues too). Haiti is already the poorest nation and they were minding their business when this earthquake hit. I don't see how anyone can be insensitive to such a massive loss of human life and destruction.

Maybe simply hearing about it or reading about it isn't enough. But right now THIS is what the people of Haiti are going through:

And THIS is what you can do to help (list compiled by google of all organizations assisting in relief to Haiti).

Also, please click here to see the population map of how the earthquake impacts Haiti.

I'm sorry but if anyone can look at this like it doesn't matter, then they have no heart or regard for mankind. Even if you can't do a lot, if a lot of people do a little- it adds up to a lot.

My thoughts and my heart go out to the people in Haiti and their loved ones who are also devastated by the loss and tragedy.

I would also like to share a song in memory of Teddy Pendergrass passing away yesterday, one which I think we all need to hear and appreciate.

Wake Up Everybody.

And Rest in Peace to those who can't.

Watch Out Now

i have some shit to talk about.

i always do actually, but somehow when i tell myself "oooh i need to blog about that..." later on i'm like "shit... what the hell was that thing i wanted to blog about?"

so today i decided to keep a lil notepad with me to make a note of these things. and i already have five topics. makes me wonder how many "blogable" thoughts i've lost in the last WEEK... smh... i'm almost certain this has a lot to do with me slackin on my posting.

so be on the lookout for musings from me and my handy dandy notebook! :)

Get It Together

Okay, there is one thing that really irritates me.

And that is: stupid bitches. I am revolting against stupid bitches in 2010.

There are many breeds of stupid bitch. Today I am talking about the opportunistic, misguided, money hungry variety.

I don't even know where to start... I guess I'll just do a list (i already had a rant about this on twitter today but 140 characters just ain't enough sometimes)

Things These Stupid Bitches Do

1. hold men to materialistic standards they don't even meet their damn self- if you drive a ford focus or take the bus how DARE you say it's a requirement for a man you deal with to be in a luxury car. if you're unemployed or work some part-time retail gig (and don't even go to school), how DARE you say a man must make a lot of money to fuck with you?

2. hold men to moral standards they don't even meet their damn self- if you're looking for a man to save you from financial burdens and end up with a man who does so, but treats you like shit, then you got what you asked for. if you treat a man like an ATM machine and only care about making withdrawls, DO NOT expect him to deposit anything but money and nut into your life. quality time? loyalty? pssshhh...

3. front like men just give them money and gifts for no reason- um 9 times out of 10.... you fuckin. be on the phone like "yeah girl he swear he getting some ass. please he better just come out them pockets and shut up." meanwhile receiving a text from him saying "you know you left your panties over here last night?" mhmmm... if your mentality is all you have to do is throw him some ass and he throws you some cash, you're basically just a "clever" prostitute, stop frontin. and don't flatter yourself.

4. brag about stupid shit- telling everyone that your fuck buddy/trick bought you a winter coat is basically like putting up a Burlington Coat Factory billboard with your vagina on it. "guess what! my pussy is worth $89.99 bitches!" well bravo for you hoe.

5. wonder why they are lonely- if deep inside you really want LOVE, get a fuckin grip and compose yourself. and your labia. you can't be out here fuckin all willy nilly and expect a man to snatch you up and roll out the red carpet for your raggedy ass. don't act like some big ol' pimpstress one minute and then mope about how lonely you are. pick a side and stay there.

6. say "men ain't shit." and "fuck men." - whenever i see or hear these statements i want to just go upside a bitch's head with a bottle of finely aged STFU. if you are out here using a man, expect to be used in return at some point. it's called karma.

7. use their pussy as a meal ticket- if you think you have a platinum vagina that will carry you all the way through life, i would like to kick your mother in the taint for not teaching you better. get some business about yourself. immediately.

8. mention how broke they are within the first two days of meeting a man- FAIL. (no further commentary necessary)

9. teach their daughters this foolishness- if you encourage your daughter to make sure she gets a rich man, without mentioning all else that is important in a man, fuck your life.

10. bring insignificant men around their child(ren)- some, not all, of these bitches think that if a man sees her children, they will feel more sorry for them and be more eager to help (that is, if they've "hit the jackpot" and found a sucka for love ass dude). this is just so wrong for so many reasons. using your kids for pity points? you're a just a bum using advanced peddling techniques, basically. and i won't even get into the chicks who's theme song is "have a baby by me baby, be a millionaire..."

*sigh*

I just need bitches to do better so we have less bitches and more LADIES in the world!

(Please stay tuned for further Stupid Bitch PSA's)

"I Feel You"

i can't stand when people say that shit to me and they aren't even (or have never been) in my situation.

one of my friends, whom i love DEARLY by the way, is always saying this shit to me.

"i feel you girl."

um how? you don't even have any kids and you live with your mom. and honestly part of the reason yall "struggle" is because you work part-time and sleep full-time. instead of being productive and seeking full-time employment, i'm hearing "girl i just woke up."....... at 4:00 pm...... on a weekday. and "i know i'm broke but i just bought a pair of jeans from my job, they fit so nice, i just had to get them."

while i wake up at 7am everyday, work until 6pm, go to school, tend to 3 kids, cook, clean, do laundry, buy my children clothes before myself and i pay rent and bills. i'm carrying a whole household on my back right now.

but you feel me huh? *scratches head*

don't get me wrong, she has goals and talks about doing better but it's like don't complain about something if you're not going to DO anything about it and then claim to feel ME. because as much as i sit here and complain about my job, know that i spend just as much time looking for a new one.

i love her like a sister but damn... you gotta walk in my shoes before you can tell me you know how my feet feel.

2010 Fuckery

Happy New Year! (5 days late. oh well.)

My New Year's Eve was.... eh. First, I agreed to watch two of my daughter's friends for the WEEKEND (which begins on Friday night, right?) but then one of the girl's mother asked if they could come a night early. I knew why (so they could get their celebration on) but hell I didn't have any plans and she's kept my kids for days at a time on more than one occasion so I said sure, we can have a party! Even though I didn't really want to lol but as mothers, we got codes. If you watched ALL THREE of my kids for a whole week, the least I can do is watch your daughter and niece for 3 days. Okay so then she texts me asking if her other friend (who I've met about 3 times) can leave her daughter with me overnight and pick her up in the morning around 9am, and also said that she would pay me for doing so. So I agreed, ONLY for those reasons. Early pick up and cash? Cool.

So they all get dropped off. THEN my other friend calls me, she'd been at the hospital all day with a friend of hers who was in labor and said that her other friend needs to go and get ready for her evening and she really wants to stay with her friend until the baby is born or else she will give birth all alone. And she kept talking about how nobody would watch her boys for her so she can stay at the hospital, etc. (Her friend also ONLY speaks Spanish and the nurses were just doing stuff to her without explaining what it was they were doing or why- so the lady was freaked out a little bit). Sooo I said "tell your friend to drop them off here and then when the baby is born, you can pick them up."

EIGHT KIDS.

Everything was fine, they were loud but shit it was 8 of them so that's to be expected. Well the lady had her baby around 9:30pm and my friend kept texting me that she was on her way soon and also saying how she feels bad for me being stuck in the house with eight kids and yada yada yada....

So why did this heffer text me about 11:20pm talkin about "I really hate to ask you this but can the boys sleep over? I'm so tired man I've been up since 7am I'm so exhausted. I just wanna go home and sleep girl." And she even has to drive past my exit to get home? Please.

my reply: girl.......? I get up at 7 am every single day.

(she doesn't work- by choice)

So she came and got them at 11:50pm and wouldn't even stay 10 minutes to wait until midnight so her kids can throw confetti and make noise with the rest of the kids. Anyways.....

My hunny got picked up by his boy earlier that night and before he left I said "Damn, he's gonna get drunk and not feel like driving you back home." He was like "Fuck that. I'm coming home. I will drive HIS car here if I have to and he can get home however he gets home. I told his ass already I ain't with that bullshit."

And that's exactly what ended up happening lol. He drove back home in his boy's truck with dude passed out drunk in the passenger seat, threw a blanket on his ass and left him knocked out in the truck in the driveway.... it was cold as fuck out there too :-/

*insert drunken new years sexy time here*

*fast forward to the next day*

The extra little girl I agreed to watch who was supposed to be picked up in the MORNING and who I was supposed to be PAID to watch ended up going down like this here:

5:00 PM

No call from her mother, nothing. Even though when she dropped her off she said "I have your number, do you have mine?" and I told her no I didn't and to call or text me so I can save it if I need to get in touch with her.

Never happened.

So the other little girl's mother called and said she was going to swing by and drop off her daughter's hair scarf because she forgot it.

So I asked her "Um when is your friend coming to get her child?"

"Hmmm.... you know that is a good question because umm the last time I talked to her she said she woke up butt naked in some hotel room and didn't know where she was, and that was around noon."

Pardon?

WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT?!

Bitch I did you the favor of watching your child on NEW YEAR'S EVE of all eve's and you just gonna leave your child here without a word for damn near 24 hours?? But you had the sense to call your friend who doesn't even have your child and tell her what's going on? So her friend who dropped of the hair scarf for her own child ended up taking that little girl with her when she left.

Never even got so much as a text or phone call saying "I'm so sorry, but thank you for holding my child down for me."

And of course since she wasn't the one to pick her child up, I didn't get paid shit either.

It is VERY RARE that I even watch my own friend's children like that but honestly I never expected that type of shit from that chick so that's why I agreed to watch her child. Everytime I've ever been around her, she (and her daughter) were laid back, reserved, well-dressed, good-mannered.... but I guess you really never know people. All i DO know is that was my first and last time ever doing favors for a bitch I don't know very well.

The rest of the weekend went good tho! I actually had fun with the girls, we baked brownies and cookies, I gave them pedicures (pastel pink of course, I don't play that grown shit) and we had hot cocoa and played the wii (I kicked their ass in bowling haha). My five year old son tried to bag both my daughter's friends. Gonna tell one he wants her to be his girlfriend then not even 5 minutes later put his arm around the other one talkin about "And I like you too." I got my eye on that boy, tryina get older women already... smh.

Well it's late (kinda) and I'm about to relaaaaxxx now ;)

And let me know how the New Year is going so far for you!!