Are We Raising Men or Mice?

(shame on me for having this saved in my drafts for like a week even though it's already been posted on O Hell Nawl .... yeah i plugged myself a lil bit. sue me :) but also please check em out if you haven't already. i love that site, it's one of my faves and i appreciate the opportunity to share my thoughts there. anyways.... enjoy.)

"The way for a young man to rise is to improve himself in every way he can, never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him." - Abraham Lincoln


Hello good people. I'd like to speak on single mothers raising their sons in today's society. First let me make it clear that a woman cannot teach a boy how to be a man. We don't have a penis, we're not qualified. Point blank, period. The best we can do is teach our sons how to be good PEOPLE and hope that we have instilled enough respect and responsibility in them to produce a good man.

I often hear a lot of "My son will never act like this or my son will never do that." Which is a good thing, don't get me wrong, nobody wants to raise a disrespectful son who ain't about shit. But... my fellow Moms, please keep in mind it's not our job to turn our sons into the opposite of a man who has betrayed or failed us in life. It is a mother's job to teach, protect, and be a source of strength. Don't be so preoccupied in your mind about NOT raising an "ain't shit" man that you misguide your son into worshipping everything with a vagina. If you have a daughter, would you not tell her to be cautious in dealing with men? Of course you would, and probably fairly early. So let's not forget to protect our sons too. I always say: every man with a penis is not a dog, and every female with a vagina is not a lady (hence, bitches).

How can you feel like this?:

and hope to raise a son properly?

You can't. My sons are young (5 and 6) but once they become of age, you better believe I will equip them with the knowledge on how to recognize a scalywag. I'm not gonna have my sons being some sucka for love ass chumps giving their heart and undivided attention to just anything with a fat ass and pretty smile. Yes, teach your sons how to be respectful, courteous, have manners and be gentlemen, etc. Just know that like every man isn't worthy of your all, nor is every female worthy of a man's all (and ironically, these were probably the little girls whose mothers "best advice" once upon a time was telling them that men ain't shit. smh). When boys start to like girls, it's exciting but intimidating for them, fear of rejection can be a muthafucka. Keep that in mind, teach confidence as well as respectfulness. A man needs to know his worth too.

"If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart." - Nelson Mandela

Some women push their experiences off onto their sons and give them the burden of proving themselves to females without even realizing it, although their intentions may feel good- they are misguided. Teach him for his sake, not for the sake of womankind. As long as there are Nicki Minaj's and "barbies" out here, some women will do a fine job setting themselves back on their own, without a man's help. If ALL a little boy is ever told is that girls are precious and special and should be treated with care and tenderness, he's gonna get played for a fool some day, guaranteed. Hell he may get played anyway, but atleast let him know that's a possibility so he's better prepared to deal with it. Not have him out here blindsided like "Damn I thought girls were made of sunshine n gum drops n shit, thanks a lot Mom." (*backfire*)

And if you have a daughter, pleeeeeease don't plant in her head that all men are not to be trusted and they will hurt you. There are men out here who were raised right but they'll never get the time of day if they're treated like the usual suspects. Just keep her up on game for whenever a man does try to pull a fast one, she can be like "nuh uh." Also an even bigger PLEASE to mothers who have a worthless man in their life, do NOT allow your child to EVER see you accept less than your worth. Fuck what your heart feels (go 'head with that Melanie Fiona "but i love this mannnn" bullshit), your child(ren)'s best interest comes before anything. ANYTHING.

"Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; and nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude." - Thomas Jefferson

It is so critical to provide knowledge to your children on as many aspects of life as you can, in case you haven't noticed, the world is only getting crazier. And don't forget to lead by example, practice what you preach because simply talking a good one isn't good enough.

Anyone care to share their experience/two cents on being a single mother? Or any men who were raised by a single mother and how you feel it had an effect on your life? Advice from fathers for single mothers?

Oh wait. Before I drop the mic and get down off my soapbox, I'd like to shout out Slaus, Minista, and D'Mario for being good fathers, and all the rest of the fathers who are active in their child's life and upbringing- not just paying that child support and calling it a day *side eye*. Also to the men out there who are in a relationship with a woman who has children and help her hold it down, yall are appreciated too! ;)

P.S. Be sure to tackle your sons or body slam them on the couch for no reason from time to time, rough em up. It's good for their soul :)

Disturbing

okay so i go to school for Criminal Justice (for those of you who are new round here- but not to be the police- to work in a crime lab doing forensic science) and on Tuesday we had special agents from the GBI (like the FBI but on a state level- for Georgia) come in and give us a presentation on cybercrime.

cybercrime= computer hackers n shit, right? yes but not so much. see most of cybercrimes involve child pornography. therefore, that is what most of their computer crime cases consist of. well they cracked down on this one man and went to arrest him.

WARNING: i'm about to give some crime scene details- not involving blood, guts, or injuries to a child- but graphic nonetheless.

so they had a slide show of crime scene photos for this arrest.

1st pic: outside of a nice, suburban home. lawn was well-kept. nice truck in the driveway.

2nd pic: inside of the house. messy. mountain dew cans everywhere. clothes on the floor. just sloppy.

(sidenote: they mentioned a weird/funny observation about two things that most of these perverts have in common- excessive mountain dew consumption and a love for ninja kung-fu type of shit lol)

okay the pics progressively get worse. they show his bedroom. dirty mattress with no sheets on it. mountain dew cans and bottles all over the headboard. and a plate..... they asked us "what do you think is on that plate?"

baked beans?

an old browie?

chilli?

nope. this nasty son of a bitch was eating his OWN SHIT. feces!! (at this point some boy got up and walked out the classroom like fuck this shit- can't really blame him tho.)

then on his nightstand was a set of binoculars. and guess what his bedroom window had a clear view of?

the neighborhood children's bus stop.

*shudders*

yall.... this man is a SICK, SICK man. it gets even more bizarre.

in his bathroom, he had pics of naked kids taped to the wall in his shower. and on the floor were cut up pieces of these:

pool noodles.

he cut them into like 12-inch pieces and then pinched the middle with a rubber band, kinda like a bowtie. then put some type of balloon or condom on one end. homemade ridiculously huge dildo of some sort. man there were like 8 of these contraptions on the floor of his shower stall..... with fecal matter on them. he was sticking these things IN.HIS.ASS.
*vomit*
these things were all under his bed too! this animal had a kiddie pool in his room and a pot of various lubes on the floor. he would warm the lube on the stove, put the kiddie pool on his bed, pour the lube in it, climb in there with his dildo noodles and with the help of some augmentation device.... fuck himself up the ass with these things!!!! as he looked out the window at the CHILDREN!!!!!
that shit right there? had me like..... enraged. like to the point of contemplating switching my career move from crime lab to child pornography investigator. all these sick, disgusting, pieces of shit need to be locked up and off our streets (among various other punishments i can think of but won't mention).
i'm not writing this blog to gross anyone out. i'm writing it to wake people up. to make people alert. to know what is going on in your neighborhood. to encourage you to check the sex offender registry online to see if you have any sex offenders living near you. even if you don't have children. there are still rapists and peeping toms out here.
so.... what's YOUR neighborhood lookin like?
you can find out here -------------------> Sex Offender Registry
be safe out there please. this world seems to just be getting crazier and crazier.
*sigh*

How I Do....

So my job decided they want to cut my hours now, on top of already cutting my salary 10%.... so I'm off on Mondays and work 32 hours a week instead of 40 hours. And since I don't work a full 40 hours, I am now considered "part-time" and ineligible for benefits, paid time off, vacation days, paid holidays off, etc. Basically I'm just here for my bitch ass pay check and that's it.

I ain't mad tho. Although I'm a tad pissed at how this will affect my income, I'm also smarter than the average bear.

When I got my income tax return, I did not lose my mind and go on a shopping spree. I paid off all my bills down to my current balance plus 2 months ahead. So I won't have to worry about paying any bills until April. Now, with these Mondays off I have all day to look for a new job, thanks bitches :)

This Monday was my first Monday off and it was drizzling and dreary but I got my ass up and out anyway. Apparently applying online isn't working fast enough, or at all even. So I just said fuck it, I'ma go out and ask people if they're hiring. There are alot of business complexes near my house so I started there. I got alot of "Sorry, we're not hiring but we'll take your resume." blah blah blah. I went to about 18 places and got rid of 10 resumes. One place I will hear from either tomorrow or Monday. It's a screen tee printing company and the owner also owns a financial consulting firm and said that lately he's been too occupied doing "small stuff" and needs more time to dedicate towards the important stuff. So he told me that he's going to figure out what he needs help with between his two businesses and see if he can find 40 hours worth of work for me to do, and if he can then I will have a job :) So I'm keeping my fingers crossed for that!

Word of advice to anyone looking for a job, go in person! Apply online too but don't do that and only that. I got my current job just by walking in. The position I'm working didn't even exist before I came in the door. After I dropped off my resume, they thought "Hmm... we do need some help." and created a position for me. Not that I like this job, just sayin that going in person can speed the process of finding a job.

A manager at one of the places I went to Monday said that they didn't have anything but he admired my determination and he will be sure to ask his associates if they know of anything so he can share my resume. He also said to call him back in 5-6 weeks if I didn't have a job by then to see if business has picked up and he'd see if he had something for me then.

Never give up. Never think there is only one way to go about doing something.

Every Monday I'm going out until I get something. So hopefully by the time bills start rolling in again I will have new employment with a new (better) salary and everything will be cool. I actually declared at the beginning of this year that I WILL have new job by March, so let's see how good my psychic powers are lol. My honey on the other hand, is discouraged by the current job market and thinks his time would be better spent going back to school to study law. But I think that's a positive thing and I support him on that if that's what he'd like to do. He's about sick of the government getting over on people just because they don't fully understand their rights, and so am I. But that's a whole other blog right there....


But anywaaay... gotta cut this short. I hope yall have a lovely day :)

Random Cool (useless) Bella Facts

- i often remix songs into some perverted or otherwise inappropriate version in my head. just be in the bathroom singing "every piss begins with peeeee." to the tune of a kay jewelers commercial.

- i only like red and purple skittles. i don't wanna taste the rainbow.

- i have eaten more cookie dough in the last month than i have actually used it to bake cookies, even though is specifically says "DO NOT CONSUME RAW COOKIE DOUGH" on the packaging :-/

- i do my kegel exercises every day. it's just the responsible thing to do when you have a vagina.

- i sleep on the left side of the bed.

- some days i imagine cocking back and bustin my boss in the forehead with a chicken wing for my own amusement.

- i don't think trey songz invented sex.

- i whoop ass when necessary. more parents should.

- i think highly of myself, but i don't look down on anyone. unless i'm gettin some head ;)

- i dance and sing (really loud) in my car, even when i can feel people looking at me, i don't give a fuck... point. laugh. glad i could entertain ya. catch me at a red light near you bitches.

- i think many perverted thoughts every day. many.... every.... day.

- i don't like to share my snacks. depending on what kind of mood i'm in, i will: 1. buy you some of what i'm eating 2. eat it away from other human beings or 3. straight act like i don't see you eyeballing my tasty treats as i devour them.

- i hate tomatoes. and mushrooms. and olives. and bananas. and oranges. and i only use onions and peppers for flavor while cooking, but i push them off to the side when it's time to eat.

- i have a heart of platinum. i will do anything i'm capable of for those i love (*who i know- without a doubt- would do the same for me).

- i'm addicted to Forensic Files tv series and Law & Order. i can watch either of those back to back to back...

- i squeeze my own ass for no particular reason sometimes.

- i just ordered that Insanity workout DVD series.... pray for my body please.

- i love big earrings.

- chocolate is like crack to me. craaaack!!

- i have only lived in two states, NY (since birth) and GA (since 2000).

- i hardly ever go out. and as i'm getting older, i realize when i do go out that i'm not missing much. i feel like small doses of partying are better than partying til it seems old and boring to you.

- i think smoking cigarettes is even nastier than sucking 3 different dicks in one day. yall know what that does to your lungs? this: (left lung non-smoker, right lung.... well, do the math)



-i'm an asshole.
-i'm a leo. which may explain why i'm an asshole :)
- i can appreciate a nice ass on a female just as well as a man can. except i do not want to have sex with it or touch it. penis fo life! but i'll still look. *shrugs*
- i am currently a straight A student *pops four collars*

tis all for now.

enjoy your day folks!

And This is Why...

I really don't mean to do two posts in a row on the excuse of a man my children have for a father but.... just to clarify for those who haven't been following my blog very long...

I am not a spiteful, bitter woman, being a stank bitch about my bd over petty things. It's things like today. My youngest son's 5th birthday. His second birthday in a row with no phone call from the man who gave him life. The man who claimed once upon a time that his children meant the world to him. The man he looks like. The man who insisted he be named after him.

I can't wait to fill out those name change papers. Luckily my bd and my brother have the same first name so once I change my son's middle name, he will just be named after my brother, so it all works out :)

And I really don't give a fuck about snatching my bd's father's name away from him, because it's an ugly ass name anyway.

*hmph*

My older son's middle name is the same as my bd's first name (how crazy is it that he made sure both his sons had his name, then went to not giving a fuck to even say "happy birthday"??) so I'm changing his to my father's middle name. And my daughter's middle name is my bd's sister's first name. Sooo hers will be changed too lol. I'm changing it to "Saree" it means "most noble" in Arabic and I like how it sounds with her first name.

This whole changing of the names may sound a bit extreme, but seriously what is the point of having my children walk through life named after people who obviously don't care about them? No thank you.

Anyway, for my son's birthday I dropped him off at school with a cake this morning and then went back up there on my lunch break to have some cake with him and his class. We won't do the actual "celebrating" until Saturday because there's still one more birthday this week, my other son turns 6 on Friday (yeah they were born a year apart and will be the same age for 4 days, crazy huh? lol). So we'll do the Chuck E. Cheese thing when I get out of class and do cake and gifts and all that good stuff for them both then. I just LOVE when my kids have a birthday, I always think back to the day they were born. Despite all the bullshit I went through with their father for six years, if they were the only good thing to come of it, then it was all worth it in my eyes. They are the loves of my life and they mean more to me than I can even put into words. I live for them and I will die for them. Period.

Losin It...

Today at work I was checking my hotmail to see if I received an alert from H&R Block to let me know if my money was put on the card yet and the lil office manager comes into my office (that I share with my boss, who was also sitting right behind me) and sees me click my hotmail screen down.

her: You know, if you don't have anything to do I can find you something.

me: *whips head around* What? *stares* I have stuff to do, what are you talking about?

her: I see you click that screen down, you over there chatting.

me: Chatting? Um no.

her: Well what was that you clicked down? You want me to pull it up?

me: Go ahead. I don't care. I'll pull it up myself. *opens hotmail screen* See?

her: What about those down there you have open, what's that?

me: *opens other two browsers* UPS to make a shipping label... annnd OUR website so I can access our part catalog.

her: *blank face*

me: I was looking at something. So how was I chatting? Did you see me typing?

her: *hmph*

my boss: What is going on?

me: Yeah. I was checking the status of my tax return because I have some bills that need my attention. Sorry I have other things to do in life besides just sit at this desk all day.

And turned my ass right back around and continued to do my work. Fuck outta here.

I can't be dealing with this bullshit much longer. Usually I am capable of conducting myself professionally, for the sake of a paycheck and only for the sake of a paycheck. But today I feel like I'm at the end of my rope. I mean I'm a grown ass woman with children, you don't approach me like that, like you checkin me and you ain't even my boss.... pssshhh.

Yall please pray I don't headbutt this hoe.

Untitled

I just wanted to share a random story I was reminded of last night. I saw a tweet about donations to Haiti and it made me think of last week when I was getting the kids ready for school. My oldest son (almost 6) was looking for his $1 for icecream the school has for sale every Friday. My daughter (8) walked up to him and said, "You don't need icecream, it's cold outside anyway. You gonna give your dollar to Haiti." in a demanding tone of voice lol. She is so sweet and silly.

Then that got me to thinking about her and the way she is, and I remembered something else she did when she was even younger, about five, and she just amazes me. We were leaving Wal Mart and in the parking lot she saw a young girl (maybe 10 years old) in a wheelchair (I believe she had Cerebral Paulsy) and my daughter asked me what happened to the girl. I said that I wasn't sure and maybe she was born that way or got into a car accident, and also explained that it's important to never stare or point at people who are different than you because it's rude and might make them feel bad.

her: oooh, okay. how is she going to get in her car?

me: her mommy will pick her up and help her get in there.

her: oh. how does she go to the bathroom?

me: i'm sure her mommy and family help her do that too baby.

her: oh. she's pretty.

me: awww *smile*

her: can i tell her?

me: you sure can baby girl.

So we walked over to the girl in the wheelchair as her mother was getting ready to put her in the van, and my daughter put her hand on the little girl's hand and said "you're beautiful." (melted my damn heart lol)

I'm not sure if the girl understood or not but she seemed to smile, and her mother was like, "Awww wow how sweet! Thank you sweetie." and gave her a little hug and smiled at me and said "She is an angel, bless you." I said "Thank you, so is she *pointed at her daughter* you have a good night." and waved goodbye to the girl.

Something I will never forget. Makes me kind of sad that people don't interact with eachother like decent human beings so much anymore. A little can really go a long way sometimes, you never know how much you can turn someone's day around just by giving them a compliment, or even a smile. And it doesn't even cost you anything.

Try it sometimes :)