I'm Not Playin With a Full Deck

- when i get a drink from a fast food place i MUST push in all the bubbles on the lid.

- i dont make my bed in the morning, but i make it before i climb in to sleep at night.

- whenever i order a burger i always make sure to say "no pickles, no tomato, and no onions." yeah, what kinda damn burger is that huh? well thats how i like it! bitch. what.

- if any topping besides pepperoni is on my pizza, i pick it off.

- you will never know im on my period unless i tell u because my mood does NOT change. but if i do so happen to feel like being a bitch during my period, i will blame it on that. even tho it's just me being a bitch.

- i remix everything for no reason. i've even sang "throw some cheese on that bitch" at the wendy's drive thru speaker once... and i was sober.

- i break dishes when im really upset. then go outside and sweep it up and magically feel better. weird.

- i refuse to eat a hot wing from any major pizza chain like pizza hut, domino's, papa johns... etc. they look microwaved and chewy.

- i sincerely believe my fried chicken is better than justin's. thats right diddy. i said it. take dat, take dat.

- im at work rite now and gettin upset when the phone rings like THIS rite here is my job duty and THAT is just an interruption. the nerve.

- i know spanish but pretend i dont. "huh? um no hablo espanol." then listen to see if a bitch is talkin about me. "¿qué dice puta?" yeah. thats what i thought.

- i have real life violent tendencies after playin mortal kombat for too long. like i just wanna walk up to somebody n liu kang they ass for no reason.

- i make fun of white people. and im white. but im sorry, i just dont understand why mufuckas feel the need to wrestle alligators for fun n shit. like "this thing could kill me but aw hell, c'mere lil fella... yeah open that jaw full of razor sharp teeth and jump at me buddy. woooooo!!"

dear friends and family,

we are gathered here today to mourn the loss of bob. he was a brave, brave man. but by golly george, he sure was a slow summabitch.

way to go bob.