Thursday, January 29, 2009

I'm Such a Genius

So I got into a car accident last year, and it was actually my fault for once. At first I was scared to death because:

1. I had no car insurance.

2. My registration was expired.

3. My license was suspended.

(now THAT'S ridin dirty for yo ass!)

It was my daughter's birthday, and I was going to get her cake and decorations. My ace Jackie was in the car with me and we were coming from Taco Bell. I had a soft taco in my lap and I was about to squirt some sauce on it, but I wanted to look down first to make sure I wasn't aiming the sauce packet at my jeans and in that split second I hear "Oh my God!"


I look up and had just clipped THE SHIT outta somebody's rear passenger side. So being that I had no valid license, no insurance, and an expired registration... I start spazzin out.

"Oh my god! Jackie! I hit that car! I'm goin to jail! I can't go to jail man it's (my daughter's) birthday! What do I do?!?!" and no, I did not stop. Not because I didn't care or was only worried about myself, but I noticed right on the corner there was the damn police! So at that point I'm like if I don't pull off into a secluded area ASAP my ass is goin to jail.

This lady pulls up along side me and says "You know you just hit that car back there right?"

"Of course I know I hit the damn car!"

"Well he said he's gonna follow you."

"Good! He can follow me right over there."

*points to parking lot behind Burger King*

Okay so I somehow miraculously rolled past the po-po with the front of my van all smashed up without them noticing, and pulled waaay in the cut of the parking lot, noticing the car I hit following me. And I know this is gonna sound kinda effed-up but I said, "Jackie, oh my God. What if I just hit a white person? They will call the police on me girl!" So the car rolls up next to me and *whew!* no white folks *thank you JESUS*

At first the lil man looks a lil pissed off then I saunter my ass out the van, apologizing profusely asking if everyone is okay... and this old perv is checkin me OUT. But a bitch is in a sticky situation so I'ma take advantage. So I says "Listen, I'm not even gonna lie to you. I have no insurance and my license is supsended so if you call the police I will go to jail and *points at my children* it's my daughter's birthday and I can't be going to jail, I just can't."

His response to me was, "Well I'm not gon lie to you either sweetheart. I was drinkin a beer when you hit me and that shit went ALL OVER the place so I ain't even TRYIN to call the police so it's alright. Listen, this ain't even my car. I will just tell my friend that I came out of the store and it was like this, like it was a hit and run."


"For real?! Oh thank you sooo much! *hugs the man* Hold on, please take this for your troubles *hands him 50 bucks* and you be safe okay?"

"No problem darlin."

Yeah, I was lucky AS HELL. But the fucked up part about all of this is that I don't even fuck with Taco Bell like that. The reason I pulled into Taco Bell was because I saw a cop at the light behind the one I was sitting at (yes I was on point like that lol) so as soon as his shit turned green, he'd be up on my ass. Think quick bitch. Ah, hello Taco Bell parking lot. So I turn in there. Wouldn't yall know this bastard decides to take a short cut through that parking lot RIGHT BEHIND me. Now I just knew he was gonna get me, but he went around and left out the back. But he could still see me so in order to avoid looking more suspicious I pulled into the drive-thru. And ordered some tacos.

Fuck you Taco Bell.

Okay so it was really MY fault for not paying full attention but fuck Taco Bell anyways.


achoiceofweapons said...

That was hilarious! OH! The God (IAM) was with you! Someone was praying for your cute self and I hope you recognize!

Oh man, we all been in something like that! Glad you ok and get that Geico insurance! Can't be living foul!

Stop by alot and comment!

Amber-Alert said...

LMAO i would have pissed my pants!! no insurance and suspended license girllllll damn! yea u lucked out big time with that

Jeanette said...

Damn. Talk about being lucky. lol

Yves said...

LMAO @ Fuck Taco Bell. Word.

Damn you lucky as hell.

RAEthoven said...

baaahahaha. thats crazy. a lady rear ended me one day and had the nerve to be mad...too bad she didnt have car insurance.

lucky for her, the police left because they had to attend to more urgent matters. lol

Skoolboi Krush said...

You must be living right.

Lil Miss Honey B said...

You seem to have the best luck (kind of). I was in a similar situation...hit a car from the back, spun around hit another car and ended up facing traffic. No license and no insurance! The po po got me though...3 ticktes!! >:{