I'm Such a Genius

So I got into a car accident last year, and it was actually my fault for once. At first I was scared to death because:


1. I had no car insurance.

2. My registration was expired.

3. My license was suspended.

(now THAT'S ridin dirty for yo ass!)

It was my daughter's birthday, and I was going to get her cake and decorations. My ace Jackie was in the car with me and we were coming from Taco Bell. I had a soft taco in my lap and I was about to squirt some sauce on it, but I wanted to look down first to make sure I wasn't aiming the sauce packet at my jeans and in that split second I hear "Oh my God!"

*SMASH!*

I look up and had just clipped THE SHIT outta somebody's rear passenger side. So being that I had no valid license, no insurance, and an expired registration... I start spazzin out.

"Oh my god! Jackie! I hit that car! I'm goin to jail! I can't go to jail man it's (my daughter's) birthday! What do I do?!?!" and no, I did not stop. Not because I didn't care or was only worried about myself, but I noticed right on the corner there was the damn police! So at that point I'm like if I don't pull off into a secluded area ASAP my ass is goin to jail.

This lady pulls up along side me and says "You know you just hit that car back there right?"

"Of course I know I hit the damn car!"

"Well he said he's gonna follow you."

"Good! He can follow me right over there."

*points to parking lot behind Burger King*

Okay so I somehow miraculously rolled past the po-po with the front of my van all smashed up without them noticing, and pulled waaay in the cut of the parking lot, noticing the car I hit following me. And I know this is gonna sound kinda effed-up but I said, "Jackie, oh my God. What if I just hit a white person? They will call the police on me girl!" So the car rolls up next to me and *whew!* no white folks *thank you JESUS*

At first the lil man looks a lil pissed off then I saunter my ass out the van, apologizing profusely asking if everyone is okay... and this old perv is checkin me OUT. But a bitch is in a sticky situation so I'ma take advantage. So I says "Listen, I'm not even gonna lie to you. I have no insurance and my license is supsended so if you call the police I will go to jail and *points at my children* it's my daughter's birthday and I can't be going to jail, I just can't."

His response to me was, "Well I'm not gon lie to you either sweetheart. I was drinkin a beer when you hit me and that shit went ALL OVER the place so I ain't even TRYIN to call the police so it's alright. Listen, this ain't even my car. I will just tell my friend that I came out of the store and it was like this, like it was a hit and run."

Word?

"For real?! Oh thank you sooo much! *hugs the man* Hold on, please take this for your troubles *hands him 50 bucks* and you be safe okay?"

"No problem darlin."

Yeah, I was lucky AS HELL. But the fucked up part about all of this is that I don't even fuck with Taco Bell like that. The reason I pulled into Taco Bell was because I saw a cop at the light behind the one I was sitting at (yes I was on point like that lol) so as soon as his shit turned green, he'd be up on my ass. Think quick bitch. Ah, hello Taco Bell parking lot. So I turn in there. Wouldn't yall know this bastard decides to take a short cut through that parking lot RIGHT BEHIND me. Now I just knew he was gonna get me, but he went around and left out the back. But he could still see me so in order to avoid looking more suspicious I pulled into the drive-thru. And ordered some tacos.

Fuck you Taco Bell.

Okay so it was really MY fault for not paying full attention but fuck Taco Bell anyways.