i'm feelin a lil frustrated rite now. im sick of my job. but i looked online for jobs and they all pretty much fuckin suck. i want to get a second job to have extra money but it's hard to get a babysitter when my friends either a) have their own kids to look after or b) have better things to do than watch my kids on short notice. i dont have any family down here to help me either, none. my bd is a fake ass pimp who acts like i cant drop his kids off cuz he has a "business" to run. im not about to ask my man to watch kids that aren't his, and take away HIS freedom too. they are not his responsibility and im not the type of female who thinks the man in my life must assume a fatherly role to my children. all he has to do is accept them and treat them with love because they are a part of me, and he does that. i also have the potential to get into modeling but... if u read this shit all over again i run into the SAME problem. i'd like to take up a trade or some classes but... again, you see my dilema with that too.
it's really frustrating when u have so many ambitions and goals BUT so much stands in the way. not saying my kids stand in the way, they are the REASON i want more from life. what stands in the way is the lack of help i have. i dont have options. every goal i have is shot down because i'm stuck. there are 24 hour daycare centers here in atlanta, where i could drop them off if i wanted to take a class or pick up a second job a few nights out of the week... BUT that shit is expensive. so i cant do that either. i'd end up working just to pay for that alone so what's the point?
i hate to complain, i really do. i try to think of ways around obstacles instead of letting them deter me from going after what i want. but im tapped out. i feel like i just keep running in place... and it sucks.