Friday, February 27, 2009

Argh!!

i'm feelin a lil frustrated rite now. im sick of my job. but i looked online for jobs and they all pretty much fuckin suck. i want to get a second job to have extra money but it's hard to get a babysitter when my friends either a) have their own kids to look after or b) have better things to do than watch my kids on short notice. i dont have any family down here to help me either, none. my bd is a fake ass pimp who acts like i cant drop his kids off cuz he has a "business" to run. im not about to ask my man to watch kids that aren't his, and take away HIS freedom too. they are not his responsibility and im not the type of female who thinks the man in my life must assume a fatherly role to my children. all he has to do is accept them and treat them with love because they are a part of me, and he does that. i also have the potential to get into modeling but... if u read this shit all over again i run into the SAME problem. i'd like to take up a trade or some classes but... again, you see my dilema with that too.

it's really frustrating when u have so many ambitions and goals BUT so much stands in the way. not saying my kids stand in the way, they are the REASON i want more from life. what stands in the way is the lack of help i have. i dont have options. every goal i have is shot down because i'm stuck. there are 24 hour daycare centers here in atlanta, where i could drop them off if i wanted to take a class or pick up a second job a few nights out of the week... BUT that shit is expensive. so i cant do that either. i'd end up working just to pay for that alone so what's the point?

i hate to complain, i really do. i try to think of ways around obstacles instead of letting them deter me from going after what i want. but im tapped out. i feel like i just keep running in place... and it sucks.

10 comments:

Bombchell said...

aww (hugs) that sucks. my friend used to work for a nanny agency, and picked the kids from school etc. i think she made like 10-12 bucks an hour.

are they any good kids in your neighborhood? or maybe u can ask your friends what baby sitters they use, or someone's grandma.

i know there's stuff on craigslist but i dont know if i trust them, ive only used them to find a hair braider.

Bella said...

thanks for the ideas :) i guess i need to get to know my neighbors cuz i dont know a thing about the kids in my neighborhood lol

i think part of my problem is that i hate to burden people so i rarely ask for favors. i think its alot to ask someone to watch 3 kids, any of my friends with kids only have one or two at the most. three is a whole new ball game lol

Anonymous said...

idk where u live in atlanta or if you would even be interested but there is a place called Sheltering Arms...it's a daycare center based off of your income...you should check it out!

Bella said...

anonymous: thank u! i've heard of Sheltering Arms. i have my kids enrolled in a daycare, they've been there for almost 4 years and it's right around the corner so it's convenient. its the after-hours care i have trouble with :(

*sigh*

Twisted Elegance said...

If there's one thing I've learned about you by reading your blog it's that you don't stay down. I know you were probably feeling down when you wrote this but I know you're gonna find a way to make everything work. This blog is like a movie to me you always turn tragedy into triumph. I hope you're feeling better girl and whenever you have time, check out those makeup videos on youtube, I'm telling you they're addictive!

Anonymous said...

there's this place called kids stay n play...they stay open til 10 on weekdays and 12 on fridays & saturdays... I used to use them & they're pretty good! & cheap too!! lol

Bella said...

oooh for real?? i will definitely check into that, thanks! :)

Lil Honey B said...

I know how you feel. I only have one but when you're by yourself it can be difficult. I hope you find a way to get around your dilemma.

Anonymous said...

Hi Bella - I found your blog through O Hell Nawl. Have you thought about taking some classes online? That may be an option for you, you could study at your own pace (or when the kids are asleep). I know you'll figure out something. :)

Bella said...

thank you anonymous! i saw a commercial about online classes just last night and said "hmmm..." and scratched my chin lol

im giving that some serious thought, preciate your suggestion :)