Friday, February 27, 2009


i'm feelin a lil frustrated rite now. im sick of my job. but i looked online for jobs and they all pretty much fuckin suck. i want to get a second job to have extra money but it's hard to get a babysitter when my friends either a) have their own kids to look after or b) have better things to do than watch my kids on short notice. i dont have any family down here to help me either, none. my bd is a fake ass pimp who acts like i cant drop his kids off cuz he has a "business" to run. im not about to ask my man to watch kids that aren't his, and take away HIS freedom too. they are not his responsibility and im not the type of female who thinks the man in my life must assume a fatherly role to my children. all he has to do is accept them and treat them with love because they are a part of me, and he does that. i also have the potential to get into modeling but... if u read this shit all over again i run into the SAME problem. i'd like to take up a trade or some classes but... again, you see my dilema with that too.

it's really frustrating when u have so many ambitions and goals BUT so much stands in the way. not saying my kids stand in the way, they are the REASON i want more from life. what stands in the way is the lack of help i have. i dont have options. every goal i have is shot down because i'm stuck. there are 24 hour daycare centers here in atlanta, where i could drop them off if i wanted to take a class or pick up a second job a few nights out of the week... BUT that shit is expensive. so i cant do that either. i'd end up working just to pay for that alone so what's the point?

i hate to complain, i really do. i try to think of ways around obstacles instead of letting them deter me from going after what i want. but im tapped out. i feel like i just keep running in place... and it sucks.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Well Damn Mr. Officer, wtf?

"DENVER – A good Samaritan who helped push three people out of the path of a pickup truck before being struck and injured has gotten a strange reward for his good deed: A jaywalking ticket.

Family members said 58-year-old bus driver Jim Moffett and another man were helping two elderly women cross a busy Denver street in a snowstorm when he was hit Friday night.

Moffett suffered bleeding in the brain, broken bones, a dislocated shoulder and a possible ruptured spleen. He was in serious but stable condition Wednesday.
The Colorado State Patrol issued the citation. Trooper Ryan Sullivan said that despite Moffett's intentions, jaywalking contributed to the accident.

Moffett had been driving his bus when the two women got off. In the interest of safety, he got out and, together with another passenger, helped the ladies cross.
Moffett's stepson, Ken McDonald, said the driver of the pickup plowed into his stepfather, but not before Moffett pushed the two women out of the way.

When he awoke in intensive care, he learned of the ticket. "His reaction was dazed and confused. I was a little angry," said McDonald.

The other man also was cited for jaywalking, while the pickup driver was cited with careless driving that led to injury. Sullivan said the two elderly women haven't been cited but the investigation is ongoing."

For real trooper?? You had to give him a jaywalking ticket? Well I'm just confused. If the driver was cited for careless driving, do you really think if they crossed at the intersection that this would have been avoided? I mean damn.

Reminds me of Mr. Incredible getting sued for saving that man when he tried to kill himself.


Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Now Usually I Don't Do This But Um...

I'ma go head n break yall off a lil preview to the remix. This is an excerpt from my book, still a work in progress. Just a lil Get Ya Mind Right 101 (no, that's not the name of the book lol). Class is now in session...

"Some females let their emotions get the best of them by either keeping them locked up, or not knowing when to chill. There needs to be a healthy balance of emotions to keep you (and those around you) sane. When something is upsetting you, you need to always stop and ask yourself these three questions:

Is it that serious?Like is it something that will have a great impact on your life? Sometimes bitches would realize they are trippin for no reason if they just stop and think about it. So please stop and think damn it. If your answer to this question is no, then shut up and get yourself together. If your answer is yes, then move onto the next question.

Could it be worse?Did you wake up to see a new day? Are you breathing? Are you healthy? If so, then guess what? Your ass is alive and you need to smile about that shit if you can’t smile about anything else. I know in some situations this thought escapes you, but try not to lose sight of that. I don’t know about you but I feel like as long as I’m living, I’m gonna fight. So what’s next?

Is there anything I can do about it?If your answer is no, then relax. Take a deep breath. Turn your brain off for a minute and clear your thoughts. Hit the reset button. Now, if there is truly nothing you can do, then you just have to let it go, hope for the best and prepare for the worst. But, if your answer is yes then get your ass up and get on it.

This is how you check yourself. And it applies to anything. Having an argument, losing your purse, getting into a car accident, catching your man cheating, being evicted or having your lights disconnected… whatever. A lady is always cool, calm, and collected. Well not always, we can have our moments… I’m just saying. Keep a level head and don’t let your problems consume you. It’s not worth the energy."

© 2009

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Nah Man...

this is a message i got on myspace today. i think i done seen it all now.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: InmatesWorldEntertainment. com (411601819)
To: Leen (57559768)
Date: Feb 24, 2009 11:30 AM
Subject: Attention all female models, aspiring models and aspiring entertainers.

Gain the exposure and marketing you've been looking for. Become a member of InmatesWorldEntertainment. com and get fan mail from the 2.3million prisoners all over the nation. Although the fans you will generate from our service will be prisoners, keep in mind that these inmates will be 10 times more dedicated to you than any free fan since they have nothing but time to think of you! You can receive fan mail via e-mail from the inmates, you can sell your music, calendars, photos, etc through our already set up channels and/or catalogs. Our marketing is totally anonymous and all contact with the inmate will be handled through our site, keeping your personal info secret.

Next time you walk into that big entertainment company to market yourself, walk in with fan mail and sells that we helped you generate and watch how different the response is!

For more info visit inmatesworldentertainment. com or email your questions to our talent agent Thania at... Or leave your number if you would like someone from IWE to contact you.

um yeah like ima walk up in somewhere like "look! i have a huge criminal fan base, isn't that impressive?"

people these days, boy i tell ya...

Monday, February 23, 2009

I'm Alive Now :)

Whoooo... lawd. I've been sick since last Thursday. This shit was the worst! I was really down for the count. Thankful for my good friends checking on me, and my ride or die chick Jackie for picking up my boys and keeping them overnight Saturday. That helped sooo much. I already know I gave my man his props the other day (don't even remember what day I typed that, Friday?) but he has been my damn hero, seriously. If I rewind the last few days and play em back without him... I woulda been all fucked up in the game. He took my kids to and from school for me, cooked every night, did some grocery shopping on his own, brought me my medicine when it was time to take it, just everything.

Saturday night I was so grateful for him that I cried. I didn't let him see that shit tho lol. On top of everything else, he ran my shower for me, picked out my pajamas, gave me a back rub, and tucked me in the bed. Nobody has ever taken care of me like this, ever. He did more for me than I could even think to ask of him. I'd never been this sick before, but I was on bed lock down once...

When I was pregnant with my 3rd child, I was put on bed rest because my blood pressure was so high and I was still with my BD. I even had to take maternity leave from work early, doctor's orders. Well one night I was trying to sleep but all I could hear was "boom, boom..." from the bass of the stereo downstairs. It was his weekend ritual to drink himself stupid and listen to music ridiculously loud. I had already asked him so many times to please turn it down, and he would oblige and apologize... but then when he thought I was asleep and wouldn't notice, he turned it back up again. I was sick of that shit. So I went downstairs and unplugged the whole stereo and was like, "Apparently this the only way I'ma get some sleep huh?" Well that didn't go over so well.

He started yelling at me, saying I'm trippin, shit like that. I told him he was selfish as fuck and proceeded to go back upstairs. The fool gon say, "Oh you not gon plug that back in?"

"What? Fuck no." and started back up the stairs again.

Next thing I know... BAM!!

This bastard punched me in the back of my head. While I was pregnant. On bed rest. With my back turned. (yeah so all of yall who say a woman doesn't get hit for no reason, there's your proof that it really does happen.)

So my pregnant ass grabbed the closest object to me, our daughter's Care Bear bike, and went upside his head with it. So he pushed me into the wall and I look at the top of the stairs and see baby girl, she starts crying and yelling, "Daddy, don't hurt Mommy!" He told her to go back to bed. And I gave him the look of death and told him in my calmest tone of voice that if he doesn't go sit his ass back on the couch, he will meet round two with the bike... so he sat his ass back on the couch. And I went upstairs and slept with baby girl in her bed. And of course the asshole plugged the stereo right back in.

Looking back on that incident made me so thankful for how far I've come in life, on my own. For removing my children from that lifestyle before they were too old to get used to it and think it was normal. And it made me appreciate my man beyond words. He isn't perfect but there is far more good about him than there is bad, he has made me smile way more than he's ever made me cry, and whenever I need him- he's here. I haven't been able to say that about a man in a very long time. But now I can and it feels good :)

I would like to thank my BD for being such a piece of shit. Everything does happen for a reason.

Friday, February 20, 2009


So... I've been in bed for just about 2 days... turns out I have strep throat AND the flu. I think the only reason I'm coherent and capable of typing this right now is because of the three medications I'm on lol. Yesterday I slept until 6pm! Only got up once to pee and attempted to reply to text messages as I went in and out of consciousness.

I'm so thankful to have great kids and a great man in my life right now. Yesterday after he got back from picking my kids up from daycare for me, they came in the house all worried lol cuz Mommy always picks them up. It was so cute how they were concerned about me. "Are you okay Mommy?" and "Aww, you don't feel good?" Baby girl is my mini me, all the way. She said, "Mommy, I wanna clean up for you so you don't have to do anything, okay?" Awww. She even vacuumed and swept after she put all the dishes in the sink. When I say I was out of it, I mean I was out of it. And she helped with the bedtime routine lol. I could hear her upstairs saying to her brothers, "You better brush your teeth right now! Mommy doesn't feel good, if she has to yell at you it will make her head hurt so you better just listen!" She's so feisty lol.

Today my hunny really made me feel so loved. We have been through alot and have come a looong way from day one. I literally didn't have to do a single thing today. He really amazed me. When I first woke up I was feeling alot better, or so I thought. It was really just that the Tylenol hadn't worn off yet lol. So I got up and got them ready for school as usual. He walked my daughter to the bus stop, then we took the boys to school and came back home and laid down for a bit. Well when I opened my eyes this time, uh oh. My headache was back and I was sweating again, ugh. Last night me temp was 102 so I wanted to see if it had gone down and I got up to get the thermometer from downstairs, well... when he saw me out of bed, he looked at me like I was crazy lol.

"Woman! What are you doing? Walkin around her with no clothes on and you sick... you need to be in the bed, what do you need? If you need something you just tell me. Now go lay back down."

"Damn I just wanted to get the thermometer..." *turns around to go upstairs*

And wondering who he is talking to on the phone and yelling at me like that lol. So he comes in the room with the thermometer and even puts it in my mouth for me, like I can't do that myself. Then when it beeps he takes it and says, "Okay, that fever went down." then looks at me again and says, "Don't do that again..." then talks to the person on the phone, "Nah I'm fussin at her cuz she sick n walkin round here with no clothes on." Then he goes to get me some ice water. And for the record, I had a t-shirt and boy shorts on. Then I heard him say "Alright Grandma, I was just checkin on you, I'll call you later."

I was like "oh. my. goodness! baby now you got your Grandmother thinkin I was walkin around here naked, talkin bout I ain't got no clothes on... oh jeezus." Like that's just a great image to give to your grandmother sir, thanks alot.

I just fell right back asleep though. Then my friend called and said she has to take her son to the doctor and she's around the corner from my house and asked if I wanted her to come pick me up and take me too. Even thought I felt damn near glued to the bed, I knew I had to go. So she came and got me and I found out I had strep throat and the flu. Good thing she called cuz my ass sure was planning on sleeping all day again lol.

So I got back, took my prescriptions, and got back in the bed. He kept coming up there to check on me and bring me water. Then he said he was going to the store and to call daycare to let them know he was picking the kids up again. So I called daycare, told them, and went back to sleep.

I woke up and heard my sons talking and smelled something tasty. Then he comes in the doorway and told me he made me some homemade chicken noodle soup and was like, "You smell that? That's what love smells like."

Awww... punk ass.

Then he fed my boys (baby girl is sleeping at her friends house this weekend, so it's just me and the boys) and brought me a bowl of soup. I was so impressed. It was straight from scratch and I could tell he cut the carrots and celery himself. Then he brought me more water and a glass of juice. Then a few minutes later came in and gave me a fruit cup with strawberries, melon, and pineapples. I just smiled and held my arms open for a hug and rested my head on him like a baby lol. I was just about to tell him that I love him but before I even got it out my mouth, he says, "I know, I love you too." All I could do was smile.

Even though I feel like shit... life is good, and I am grateful.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Bella Crocker

i gets busy in the kitchen son.

my meatloaf is murda.


yeah that's turkey bacon, no pork on the fork.

my very first turkey :)

my second turkey lol.
turkey, greens, garlic cheddar mashed potatoes, homemade mac n cheese, sweet potatoes, dressing, corn muffins, and green beans with fried onions. and i wasn't even having any guests lol.
my grown man plate. yes, i ate it all.

poor turkey.

and she grills.

my baked beans will make you slap your mama, then steal her purse.

can u tell i ♥ to cook? yeah yall see the pickle jar for the grease. i do this. lmao


nah i didnt grow the fruit, but i showl did cut it up nice... just for my kids to fuck it up lol

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Happy ♥ Day...

You know I like Valentine's Day... I do. But I just don't understand it. No, I'm not lonely. Yes I have a man and I already got some wine and chocolates and two cards and gonna get another gift later on this evening (and believe it or not I'm not being perverted when I said that... oh but I am gon get me some lovin, believe that shit lol). But I just don't think the calendar shouldn't regulate the amount of love you show to your special someone.

Like the other day he went and bought my kids Valentine cards and candy to pass out in class. He volunteered to walk my daughter to the bus stop, and then when I thanked him he said, "No, thank YOU. She was happy as hell." and he was smiling, but I really don't think he realized how much he was smiling lol. And on my son's birthday he offered to cook dinner and made my lil man's favorite, spaghetti. Awwww...

See but then last night he pissed me off lol. He made a remark I didn't like but I'm not gonna share the details because it was one of those things that a man says out of hurt pride and I'm not gonna discuss my man's emotional business like that. But anyways we argued, he left and got drunk, threw up at his boy's house while he was on the phone with me, then slept on his couch. Well that's just great buddy, thanks for letting me wake up on Valentine's Day by myself. Then I was like hold on, did I just say that? It's not a big deal Bella. It is but it isn't. Before he went to sleep he told me, "I don't wanna fight with you. I'm sorry, I love you to death. Happy Valentine's Day love. I'ma come home soon as I wake up, sleep good, I love you." And all I said was "Well I doubt that I'll sleep good, but thanks."

I'm such a stankin ass sometimes.

So I woke up, upset. Because my night didn't go the way I wanted it to. But shit happens. Yeah it's Valentine's Day and shit... but was it really a reason to get mad? Like let's say it was a regular old Friday night and that happened, I just would have said "Damn, okay baby. Feel better I'll talk to you in the morning." And he just did all those loving things for me earlier in the week, just because. So basically I was about to "ruin" my Valentine's Day for having an attitude because it was Valentine's Day. Does that make any sense? No.

So he called me when he woke up, we had some disagreements about some things that were said the night before and I started to get upset all over again so I kinda just shut down and took a deep breath on the phone. Then he said he will just talk to me when he gets home. After a couple minutes I sent him a text:

"when u come in, i dont wanna talk. i just want a hug. lets have a good day."

And he didn't reply so I was gettin a lil pissed off again but I just let him be.

So he walks in... with a box of chocolates, a bottle of red wine, and two cards. Punk ass. One of the cards was funny, it said:

"Sometimes I wonder why I put up with you."

*opens card*

"Oh yeah, now I remember. YOU put up with me."

And he wrote a little note at the bottom:

"crazy ass. we both crazy as hell! love you."

I love that fool.

But the other card really summed it all up for me:

"It's pretty simple, really, but so true... I love you."


"With all my heart. All the time."

All the time.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

ima stab my boss

this mufucka has been stealing my pens on and off for a whole year and a half!! it shouldn't bother me cuz it's "just a pen" but gotdammit!! seriously, it's ridiculous tho. i'll find a pen that writes nice and take a liking to it, only for this big head mufucka to steal it. then i gotta steal it back n shit. cuz how do you check your boss about stealing pens? am i supposed to say, "excuse me, do you have a pen fetish? cuz u keep STEALING ALL MY PENS HOMIE!!" like i have even bought my own pens from walmart with my own money and stuck them in the mug on MY desk. oh let a bitch be absent. come back the next day n 2 of them shits just vanish. like what in the hot hell do you need a pink ink pen for fool? you a grown ass man walkin round with a pink pen stickin out ya shirt pocket. my pen bitch, my pen. then when i go to steal it back, he done got all his warehouse dust and grease on the shit. so now i dont even want it back. alrite so yesterday was incident #172 (approximately) i brought my own pen from home rite? he already "used it and walked away with it" once... and i stole it back when he left his desk. then i come back from lunch and it's gone AGAIN. so i say something cuz im sick of this shit.

"where's my pen?"


"i had a black gel pen i was using, i brought it from home n now it's not on my desk."


oh? just oh, huh? aight bitch.

what do i see stickin out his jacket at the end of the day? yup.

so this morning i was scoping his desk out, lookin for it. didn't see it. okay, ima catch you slippin before the day is over mufucka.

well i snatched my pen back now and i swear if i was a nasty bitch i'd wipe boogers on it!!

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

"All Cops are Not Assholes"

Okay now just last week (I think?) I told the story of my lil accident and how I walked away with no police involved and took my lucky ass on about my business. (scroll down to "I'm Such a Genius" if you don't know what I'm talkin about cuz I'm not gettin into the details again nor do I know how to link shit yet lol)

Well let me tell you what happened just about an hour ago. I left the house to bring my kids to daycare and school, as usual. Except I was running late cuz I couldn't get up FOR SHIT. So since my daughter missed the bus from daycare that takes her to school, I had to drive her myself. But it's just around the corner so it's cool. So I'm at the light and notice a cop car in the lane next to me to my right. And I know my license is (still) suspended. Shit it's on hold in NC and I live in GA... it's complicated. But anyways... the glass from my right mirror is also gone. And for some reason I don't make it a priority to fix it, I guess because I'm skilled enough to drive properly without it (except when I have food in my lap lol). I'm like "damn, he could pull me over for the mirror, find out my license is suspended n take my ass to jail. fuck." Unfortunately there was no maneuver I could make that would prevent him from seeing my mirror was not there. So when the light turned green, we go. He gets behind me. Muthafuck. So I turn down the street my daughter's school is on and just about when I get up to the school...

*blue lights come on*


So I pull into the parking lot rather than rollin up the front drop-off area with police in tow. So he gets out and asks me for my license.

"I left it at home, I was running late to bring my kids to school and I left my whole purse." (which was actually the truth lol)

"Okay ma'am, well go ahead and walk your daughter up to the school and we'll talk when you get back, just let me get your name and date of birth first please."
*gives him the info and walks baby girl into school*

On the way back to the car I call my boyfriend (whom I was on the phone with when I noticed the cop next to me so he already knew what I was calling for)

"Oh my God babe he pulled you over didn't he?"

"Oh my God... oh my God baby... shit."

"I'm just tryina stay calm, maybe he'll let me go." (wishful thinking huh?)

So I tell him if he don't hear back from me or get an answer on my phone in the next 20 minutes then I'm probably in a cop car and he should call my friend and my parents. So I go up to the cop car and he tells me to sit back in the van for a minute. Cool. Cuz it was FREEZING out that bitch. So I call the man again and stay on the phone til the officer comes back...

"Miss (yall-dont-need-to-know-all-that), would you please step out of the vehicle?"
Here we go.

"You're driving on a suspended license and I have to take you in, I'm sorry."

But yall see a bitch is sittin here typing right? :)

So he puts the cuffs on me and naturally... I start to cry.

"I have 3 kids, please can't you just write me a ticket? Please?"

"I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do, it's out of my hands."

But yall see a bitch is sittin here typing right? :)

So he puts me in the car, and asks me if I want to make a call from my phone before he takes me in. So I instruct him how to use my phone. He calls my man and holds the phone up to my ear for me.


"Well I'm in the car."


"Yeah. So I guess call my mom n Jackie for me so she can pick the kids up for me later."

(He was about to get in his car on the way back from NC so there was nothing much he could do besides that lol)

*his voice starts cracking*

"Baby what else can I do? Are you gonna be okay?"

"It's cool, there's nothin I can do about it."

*sigh & puppy dog face at Mr. Officer*

"Damn I won't get there til like 2 o'clock but we gon get you out baby don't worry, I love you."

"I love you too."

(we had been arguing too but times like this you just throw that shit out the window, life's too short.)

So I give my phone back to the officer and he gets in the car and shows me on the screen what my license is suspended for... in GA.

WTF? That shit was 2 years old and I had already taken care of that... well atleast I thought so. Now I'm starting to wonder and I have some phone calls to make cuz my memory is a lil hazy on that speeding ticket lol.

"I already took care of that, why is that still in there?"

"I don't know but this is why there's nothing I can do. I get audited after I put your information in so I can't just let you go... What time do you need to pick your children up?"
*cries some more*

"By 6:30"

*cry, cry, cry*

So he takes a deep breath...

"Okay...*another deep breath*... this is what I'm going to do. You say you took care of these right?"

"Alright, I'm going to serve you on these Failure to Appears and write you a ticket for driving on a suspended license. And I'm going to tow your van. But I will bring you home if you PROMISE me you will get these things taken care of. I will explain myself if anyone questions me about this. I'm a father and I can tell you're not a bad person. All cops are not assholes, you know... so I will drive you back home okay? But promise me you won't drive until you clear this up."

So I started crying again, but out of relief and happiness. I was feeling so blessed at that moment I can't even explain. I mean my ass was in the car, I was in cuffs... but here I sit at home instead of a hard ass bench in a holding cell for who knows how long (that shit is the worst).

I don't even know how many times I said "Thank you." And when he dropped me off I said, "I never thought you were an asshole. I just thought you were a cop. But now I just think you're a good man, thank you so much." and he told me that no thanks is needed, just take care of my license.


I called my man back and he told me he was on his knees praying the whole time and I could tell he had been crying.

All cops are not assholes.

And neither is my man.

I've learned alot in an hour.