Thursday, December 11, 2008

Talkin My Ish, Talkin Talkin My Ish

Stuff nobody cares about :)

- I don't like seafood, but I will fuck a tuna sandwich UP.

- I can eat a pound of cookie dough by myself in less than 24 hours and not get sick or gain a single pound (don't hate.)

- I sing in the shower every single night, whether I have music playing or not.

- I check my own ass out whenever I walk past any reflective surface (oh yes.)

- I'll spend an hour writing something, read it, suddenly decide I don't like it anymore, crinkle it up and throw it in the trash.

- I think brownie batter should be sold in stores, so I can eat it. Like pudding.

- I'm a cheap date. "So where do you wanna go eat?"... "Checkers."... "What?"... "I said Checkers mufucka."

- I like to wrestle for no reason.

- I don't like the word "two." It just doesn't make any sense. Like... that spells nothing.

- Soju (Korean vodka) makes me extremely horny... like I will rape my own self if I have to.

- I've been known to burst out into song and dance at any given moment, just because.

- I don't exercise. I just have sex instead. I've gone down 2 sizes since last year.

- I'm afraid of spiders. I think they want to bite me, all of them.

- I think chocolate solves all problems.

- I can make a fist with my foot. I will kunch (kick/punch) the shit out somebody.

- I can dance on the wall upside down. And I am determined to implement this skill into my sex life one day.

- I watch Law & Order so much that I think I'm a lawyer now. So don't argue with me because you'll lose.

- I probably say "fuck" & "bitch" as much as I say "the" & "and."

- I don't like to eat peppers or onions. But I will cook with them just for the flavor and then pluck em out.

- I work at a motorcycle company and don't know shit about motorcycles.

- I find it slightly irritating that I can't type the letter "n" with a tilde (~) over it. Even though I don't type shit in Spanish.

- I hate shopping for jeans. I'm 5'10" and my inseam is 36" which means my fuckin legs are 3ft long... I only have 3 pair of jeans.

I wonder...

- Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?

- If a vacuum cleaner really sucks, is that a good or bad thing?

- Is the hokey pokey really what it's all about?

- How can you tell a male ladybug apart from a lady ladybug?

- Why does bottled water have an expiration date?

- Why do bitches wear open-toe shoes when their feet look like they've been kicking gravel barefoot?

- Why is it called a hamburger when it's made of ground beef?

- If an Atheist is in court and swears on the Bible to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help him God... how do you know they're not lying?

- What's the difference between regular ass ketchup and "fancy" ketchup?

- Why are curtains pretty only on one side? What about the part facing the outside of your home? Come on man.

- Why does the Easter Bunny carry eggs?

- Do bald people in restaurant kitchens have to wear hair nets?

- What kind of lullabye is "Rock-A-Bye-Baby"? Why the fuck you wanna softly sing about a baby falling out a damn tree?

- Why do football players slap eachother on the ass, like it's okay to slap another man's ass?

- Why is Donkey Kong called Donkey Kong when he's a gorilla? Hello?


Alritey then. Peace the fuck out.

2 comments:

Ava Dior said...

hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

lmao.

i hate you.

Eb the Celeb said...

lmao @ checkers