Thursday, September 24, 2009

Inner Peace

"For peace of mind, we need to resign as general manager of the universe."

I need a break. My mind needs a vacation and my body needs rest. I have too much going on right now with work, school, moving, tending to my children, taking care of home, and looking for a new job. Lately the average time I've been getting in bed is 1am... squeeze some lovin in there and the time I actually go to sleep is later than that lol. Then I wake up at 6:30am to start my day. And since I have classes all day Saturday (8:30am-5:50pm) the only day I really get to "rest" is Sunday. Which is also laundry day, woohoo! *sucks teeth n pouts*

On top of all that I blog, I tweet, I read blogs (yeah I be lurkin sometimes lol), I get phone calls and text messages. I get called upon for advice and venting, etc. I even have a friend who will call as I'm putting my kids in bed and ask me "What are you doing?" and I tell her "Putting them in bed..." but she keeps on talking anyway "Oh. Girl let me tell you what happened." NO. How bout I call you back after I tuck my children in? How about I not have a phone up to my face as I hug and kiss them goodnight? Finally I just have to cut her off and be like "yo i'ma call you back."

I try to do too many things, I push myself in too many different directions throughout the day. I let other people's problems become my problems. And lawd knows I have enough of my own as it is. I just can't do it anymore, atleast not right now. I'm going on hiatus. I'm putting my phone on silent from the moment I get home until 30 minutes after my kids are in bed. No more distractions, no more twitter, no more blogging, no more letting people talk my ear off about things that don't even matter when I have shit to do, none of that... not forever- just not rite now. I can't afford distractions at this point in the game.

I currently have an average of 100% in all three of my courses and I intend to make damn sure I keep it that way. All of the distractions I have are distractions that I allow, not anybody else. So it's up to me to reduce them. I just need more "me" time. My biggest goals right now are keeping good grades and finding a better job. In the meantime I'm making myself scarce. I may blog here and there but that's just because I can't help it, writing is one of my outlets and everybody needs that. I also must start taking my ass to bed at a more decent time, I'm gonna wear myself out with this 5 hours of sleep (or less) every night for months in a row nonsense. And I need to eat healthier, I LOVE JUNK FOOD. But I feel like your body is like a car, if you keep driving it without proper maintainence, it's gonna slowly but surely fall apart on you. Except the difference is, a car can be replaced- YOU can't.

I took some time to step back and look at myself and I just feel like there are some things I need to improve in different areas of my life, and also my physical and mental being. So I'm just gonna hang up a "Closed For Remodeling" sign up on my life right now. It may get a little unorganized, it may inconvenience some people... but when it's all said and done everything will be beautiful.

And I will finally have some inner peace.


Monique said...

Get it together, luv. We'll still be here and still rooting for you while you get through it. (((hugs))) Just pop in and let us know that you are alive every now and then.

Unknown said...

I know what you mean. There comes a point when you realize that the only reason all of the distractions in your life are affecting you because you allow them to. And when you stop allowing it, things seem so much clearer. Good to hear about school. I'm seriously considering going back myself.

StudentOfLife said...

Good for you! We all deserve some 'me' time and dedication to ourselves equal to what we give others! I have found that when I take away all the distractions I can accomplish a lot more in a much shorter period of time (common sense - no? - but we still don't get it till we do it). Enjoy your time and good luck in your classes. I know how it feels to get those 'A's and not want them to drop! You can do it!

Anonymous said...

Good luck on your hiatus; you do what YOU gotta do because no one else is gonna let you take time off. Just focus on school, work and your fam.

THAT is one of the reasons I am GLAD my phone is off; I mean good riddance to that shit and if you don't have the landline well....tough cookies. I also had to limit my internet time because I'd stay on until late hours (been cut out the social networking; except Blogger...GOTTA crack open my G.Reader!) but just find your "Me" time and just fall into that.

again good luck! people CAN drag you down with their problems and I always tell them just because i dont have shit going on in my life doesn't mean i need to hear about YOURS. Where were you when I needed someone to talk to? exactly :D


Ava Dior said...

so first of all *big round of applause* for working so hard, and managing to be so hot still.

no really. a lot of women who take on as much as you are bitchy, and haggard. so thumbs up for holding it together!


second, good job on realizing what is important to you and cutting out the necessary distractions in your life. ive gone through the shit with friends or men not understanding what "im putting my kid to sleep, bathing my kid, or feeding my kid means"

they'll get it one day is all i can say. good luck on everything and you know im still here and around for you! text, call, vent, whatever! good luck!

Lina said...

Handle ya biz, homie. Ill be around when you come back, believe that.

Epitome said...

A twin gotta do what a twin gotta's not enough hours in the day to cater to everybody, so you just gotta do what's important. We understand, we will miss your talks of genitalia and taint pleasure on twitter and whatnot, but we know you'll be back...(and even if you're not I'll still text you to check in on your ass)

Bella said...

@Insatiable: thanks! you're like my mini momma, always pattin me on the back n sayin everything's gonna be okay, i love it lol

@Paul: yeah i think i was having an emotional crisis at work today and i just thought about alot of things, time to make some changes. but i think you should def go back to school :)

@StudentOfLife: amen to your common sense! lol and thank you, im gonna keep my A's damn it!

@thehoustongirl: "Just focus on school, work and your fam." bingo! thanks mama, i ignored some calls tonite and it felt good :)

@AvaDior: owwwwwww!! *twirls* thank you my dear :)

from now im not gonna tell people what im doing... cuz i aint answering shit. im returning calls at my earliest convenience. hmph.

@Lina: aww thanks! and by the way, ur random texts are never a bother- i love your little thought provoking questions out the blue, its a welcome distraction, so keep those coming :)

@Epitome: lmao @ genitalia and taint pleasure! im so in a agreement that there arent enough hours in the day *sigh* thanks twin, and yes we shall keep in touch with our ESP n all that :)

im just taking a lil break from my assignment rite now... bout to get me a snack (a "sweet n salty nut bar" and no im not talkin about a peenus, its a granola bar and i swear thats what it says on the box n everything lmao)

yours truly said...

aww you know you gonna be missed when you get in hiatus mode girl. read your tweets on the club this morning and was cracking the hell up.

but i fully agree with this post. you need the pause (or maybe just slowing down a bit) to get matters in order and keep an equilibrium. we all do. best of luck with everything. it will mos def be worth it in the end girl.

Bella said...

@yourstruly: thanks mama! and wtf is your twitter name?? i need to make sure im following you back. sheesh. so i can tweet you in like a month lmao

Hunydipt said...


Anonymous said...

awww Bella I miss seeing your face on twitter. BUT I defintely needed to read this, it actually made me cry a little.

Bella said...

@LadyGodiva: thank you mama!

@MissBee: aw i miss yall too! im happy u came thru :) dont cry lol *hugs*