"For peace of mind, we need to resign as general manager of the universe."
I need a break. My mind needs a vacation and my body needs rest. I have too much going on right now with work, school, moving, tending to my children, taking care of home, and looking for a new job. Lately the average time I've been getting in bed is 1am... squeeze some lovin in there and the time I actually go to sleep is later than that lol. Then I wake up at 6:30am to start my day. And since I have classes all day Saturday (8:30am-5:50pm) the only day I really get to "rest" is Sunday. Which is also laundry day, woohoo! *sucks teeth n pouts*
On top of all that I blog, I tweet, I read blogs (yeah I be lurkin sometimes lol), I get phone calls and text messages. I get called upon for advice and venting, etc. I even have a friend who will call as I'm putting my kids in bed and ask me "What are you doing?" and I tell her "Putting them in bed..." but she keeps on talking anyway "Oh. Girl let me tell you what happened." NO. How bout I call you back after I tuck my children in? How about I not have a phone up to my face as I hug and kiss them goodnight? Finally I just have to cut her off and be like "yo i'ma call you back."
I try to do too many things, I push myself in too many different directions throughout the day. I let other people's problems become my problems. And lawd knows I have enough of my own as it is. I just can't do it anymore, atleast not right now. I'm going on hiatus. I'm putting my phone on silent from the moment I get home until 30 minutes after my kids are in bed. No more distractions, no more twitter, no more blogging, no more letting people talk my ear off about things that don't even matter when I have shit to do, none of that... not forever- just not rite now. I can't afford distractions at this point in the game.
I currently have an average of 100% in all three of my courses and I intend to make damn sure I keep it that way. All of the distractions I have are distractions that I allow, not anybody else. So it's up to me to reduce them. I just need more "me" time. My biggest goals right now are keeping good grades and finding a better job. In the meantime I'm making myself scarce. I may blog here and there but that's just because I can't help it, writing is one of my outlets and everybody needs that. I also must start taking my ass to bed at a more decent time, I'm gonna wear myself out with this 5 hours of sleep (or less) every night for months in a row nonsense. And I need to eat healthier, I LOVE JUNK FOOD. But I feel like your body is like a car, if you keep driving it without proper maintainence, it's gonna slowly but surely fall apart on you. Except the difference is, a car can be replaced- YOU can't.
I took some time to step back and look at myself and I just feel like there are some things I need to improve in different areas of my life, and also my physical and mental being. So I'm just gonna hang up a "Closed For Remodeling" sign up on my life right now. It may get a little unorganized, it may inconvenience some people... but when it's all said and done everything will be beautiful.
And I will finally have some inner peace.